The Planescape Forever Quote Page

        After 4 years of the Tagalong Campiang, we retired it, and in August of 2002, we started a new campaign.  Founded on the ideas that much has come before it, the characters find themselves on a strange world, in a backwards culture, trying to figure out where they are.  Along the way, they get hangers on.  This is their story, not mine, and they only hope to figure out what it is...

"When does it turn off?"
"Uh... At night?"
- Gloria (a Sigil native human sorceress) refering to the sun, and Darious, the prime sun elf wizard

"It's really sad I don't speak any of these languages."
- Raldage, planar human cleric of Nuada of the Celts, while the others speak in dwarven and halfling languages

"Well, shall we?"
"After you."
"Okay, after me."
"I love you people!"
- Sar, the dwarven fighter, followed by Darious and Gloria at the same time, Sar again, than Raldage

"Well, that's great.  We have stones that match colors."
"What more can we ask for?"
- Raldage (about when matching magic items blended), then Gloria

"If you can hear me, jump up and down.  Darious says touch your nose."
- Darious, while testing out a scrying device

"Did you just decide to pop-off and give birth?"
- Raldage, after Darious disappeared and then later came back with his baby half-drow nephew Tal'na'ka (from Toril)

"I'll describe the situation."
"...with a can opener"
- Yogi, the GM, and Mike, who plays Darious

"It seemed like the time that would cause the most trouble for you."
- Raldage, explaining why he asked why he waited to reveile a memory he had come back

*crying from Tal'na'ka*
"Would you please turn off your child?"
"Do you make milk?"
"Well then..."
- Raldage and Darious

"Why do you have a pet kobald?"
"I have pet humans!"
- Kizzie, NPC wizardess, to Gloria, then Eshel, NPC kobald fighter

"I'm a good person.  I may need a bath, but I'm a good person."
- Gloria, convincing the others of her alignment

"How can a telescope have recoil?!?"
"It's a twin cylander staff action telescope."
- Nicki (playing Gloria) and Mike, explaining how he missed teleporting the target he intended

"You don't happen have a sheep, do you?"
- Darious, to Mary, the 12 year old goatherder he abducted accidentally

"50 feet of rope - It's the most useful thing in all existance."
"It's your birthright."
- Darious, then Raldage, when Yogi asked if they had rope

"I put him in my bag."
- P-money, for Raldage, about Eshel the irrate kobald

"The story is insert story here."
- P-money, relaying to the other PC's what happened to him

"It's a sarcastic dwarf.  Stop it!"
- Raldage

"Now go down there and tell them not to do that again, my warrior."
"I'm not you warr... fearless leader!"
- Jordan, the prime ranger, and Raldage, while playing along with a barbarian tribe they found

"I swear, I'm never going to try to help anyone ever again."
- Darious, after accidently *bamfing* in a wyvern instead of the person on the stake he wanted to save

"So, you go toward them with your sword drawn?"
"In a non-threatening manner."
- Yogi, then P-money (for Raldage) as Raldage approaches people the group accidentally abducted

"With this spear sticking out of my chest, sure, go ahead and diplomize."
- Raldage, after being attacked when he approached abducted natives

"I'm going to use their culture against them."
"Great, a ranger anthropologist."
- Jordan, then Darious

"You don't have any ranged weapons."
"My pencil is a ranged weapon!"
- Nicki, player for Gloria, taunting P-money, then P-money responding

"Wow, she has great balls of boom!"
- Eshel, after seeing Gloria use her Sunburst staff

"I want to go over and check the dwarf."
"The throuat is cauterized."
- Raldage, then Jordan, after watching a dwarf get his throat cut, and then firey death being added to the room

"They may be canabalistic, but they're not goblins!"
- Darious, after realizing he had a canabalistic halfling in the group

"Great, you're in a growling contest with a wyvern."
- Raldage, after Gloria kept growling at the domesticated wyvern, who growled in responce

"I'm going to touch her, and make her plaid."
"She faints."
- Mike, for Darious, then Yogi, describing the effect of his prestidigitation spell on Hannah, the 10 year old goatherd

"Is that blood?"
- Derik, the 7 year old goat herd, finding the hidden sacrificial summoning circle, then Raldage and Derik's reaction

"If I die, I'm coming back from the grave and holding it against you."
"I'm leaving the room now."
- Darious, then Phil, for Sar

"I'm told I lie with people quite well."
"You are a slut."
"At least I'm skilled."
- Bleeth, an Amazon NPC, then Raldage, and Bleeth again

"Somehow, I think elves should act like Euro trash winos."
- "Scary" Mike

"Either they all want you at the same time, or they want you dead."
- Phil's viewpoint on women, especially in regards to Darious

"You look like a limp monkey... other than that, you look fine."
- Raldage, when another asked him to look at him for healing

"Our tale is one of great interest."
"Especially once we figure it out!"
- Raldage, then Sar, when both were asked of their adventures

"I'm going to give the kobald ennuciation lessons."
- Darious, the sun elf wizard (tricking Eshel into thinking he's learning magic)

"Sorry, I had to scratch my brain."
- Nicki, after returning from la-la land

"I'll make water for you."
- Raldage, to the desert culture, before he thought about it

"Thanks to you, my brain is now on the blue screen of death."
- Nicki, when talk about Yogi being a nun happened

"I am the carrier of the thingy."
- Mike, failing to sound important

"Ummm....  Hi!  We didn't make this mess."
- Sar, after noticing the mighty orc mage entering

"...because my daughter could never be so stupid."
- Aramie (NPC mother of Gloria), then Raldage

"At this point, I think they're going to find a way to blame you for the Blood War."
- Yogi, to Nicki (player of Gloria), after the rest of the party blames her for things she was never around for

"You have the most protective bush I have ever seen."
- Yogi, to Jordan's player Doc, after his character manages not to be hit by drow archers all around his solo position

"I love this bush."
- from Doc's XP card after the above game

"Hey, Raldage, can you fix this?"
"What is it?"
"It's a big hole in my chest."
- Jordan and Raldage

"You recognize the horse you were told about.  He's the only black mare."
- Yogi, before he was realizing what he was saying

"Raldage, you don't ever get to negotiate with anyone ever again."
- Jordan, after Raldage insulted the person offering to take them across the river for a price

"There's also a female woman...  as opposed to a male woman?"
- Yogi, realizing what he had said

"Uh, I don't think I can make that laugh."
- Eshel, NPC, when the Peryton attacked, in regards to his one "spell"

"Ahhh... Power Word "Make Me Dip"
"No, Power Word 'No Power on green pill week'."
- Mike, about what Marie asked her husband to do, then Marie responding

"I'm just dispeased she has the pendant of control cleric."
- P-Money, after hearing another character has an item that can use calm emotions

"Ah, excellent... no, this is a horrible idea."
- Raldage, after hearing a plan, than realizing that he would be the bait

"I am eating cheese right now, when I am done, I will be giddy."
- P-Money, about being labeled a jolly fat man

"Are we there?"
"No, we're just there in spirit eating cheese and popcorn."
- Phil, trying to return the discussion to the game, then Nicki

"That's a logical complaint, of dirty competition cleric."
- Raldage (cleric of Nudea), to Bes'lanna (cleric of Correllian)

"I'm a Thundercat, and that's okay...  Oh, wait, lumberjack, not Thundercat."
- Mike, being himself

"My companions have already been killed, I got the NPC... sounds like good looting to me!"
- Mike, for Darious

"Ahhh, it smells like home."
"By home, you mean feces, right?"
- Gloria, then Darious, on returning to Sigil

"Protect me, lady of big boobs, I mean, booms."
- Eshel, making a verbal slip, to Gloria

"I'll give up feeding the party to see invisable."
- Raldage, on how he chooses spells

"When we last left our... intrepid retards..."
- Mike, as Yogi tries to start a game

"What the hell.  I kick the cleric in the Jimmy."
- Mike, for Darious, talking of Raldage, to open a portal requiring a high C note

"...unless you want something non-alcoholic..."
"Why would I bother?"
- a bartender, then Jordan

"Oh, that's right, I have darkvision."
- Sar, after spending ten minutes looking for a light source

"It's been so long since you've spoken, I had forgotten you existed."
- Raldage, to Kizzie, the NPC in the party

"I pick him up and hug him."
"His facial expression shows he thinks you're insane."
"I AM!"
- Raldage [regarding Eshel], then Yogi (GM), then Raldage again

"I was just looking at my X.P. card, and I forgot to put the hook on the r, so it looks like it says 'lust dragon'.  I think I'll put that hook on...  There, I now feel safer."
- Mike

"Wait, I'm an orc, being hunted by an elf, a human, and a dwarf.  I saw that movie; I'm out of here!"
- Yogi, paraphrasing the look in an enemy orc's eyes

"I don't mind being the pet of the mighty Staff of Zot as long as it zots the cleric."
- Gloria, after losing a battle of wits with an artifact

"Quote fish?"
"No, I'm your quote bitch."
"No, I think quote fish is funnier."
"Is that related to a babel fish?"
- Yogi and Mike, before a game

"I'm being non-commital, now come along."
- Raldage, to Eshel, after being asked why he won't say he won't sell Eshel for parts

"Why am I getting a picture of Ranma ½ in my mind."
- Phil, after Darious is led away between Bes'lanna and Kizzie

"I am the meat shield."
- Phil, on playing Sar, the dwarf fighter

"Scary [Mike] dances like a shambling mound."
- Doc

"So, it's not charisma that determines how well endowed you are, but consitution."
- Phil, capping a discussion that took away game time

"Grampa may be a dirty old man, but at least he wouldn't pull this sh*t on me."
- Darious, after "Grandma" tries to set up his wedding

"That is why I'm up front while you blow things up from behind."
- Sar, after Darious nearly dies

"I cast shrink item."
"Shrink his testicles!"
"That's not an item, that's equipment!"
- Nicki (for Gloria), then Doc, and then Mike

"Can you feel the love in the party?  The answer is squirrel."
- P-Money, while others argue and his character goes hunting squirrels.

"If it was Raldage asking, I'd say 'go for it', but I kinda like you, so no."
- Gloria, after a particularly dumb suggestion

"You do realize that saving the world isn't the only way to pick up women, right?"
- Yogi, to Doc

"Darious hands Jordan a pair of shoes."
"I'm not barefoot anymore."
"Well, it could be worse.  You could be pregnant."
"Boys can get pregnant?!?"
- Mike (playing Darious), Doc (for Jordan), Mike again (barefoot & pregnant), then Eshel (NPC)

"I'm not the most finding things minded."
"...and not the most vernbose either."
- Darious, then Storm Silverhand

"Ah, behold the power of baby!"
- Mike, using the baby to keep others busy

"Raldage, why Darious and Bes'lanna walking together?"
"Because they love each other; they're just not willing to admit it."
"I could spectral hand / corrosive grasp his testicles."
- Eshel, then Raldage, and finally Darious quietly musing

"I'm not going to waste my time on a called shot.  i'm just going to womp his head."
- Rie, for Bes'lanna

"Darious rushes forward where fools fear to tread."
"Except Eshel."
- Nicki, then Laura, guest playing Eshel

"Dude, they're like the Mormons."
- Darious/Mike, about the followers of Vhaeraun

"I will break the door down."
"You can use Eshel!"
"Do you have Exotic Weapon [Kobald]?"
- Jordan, Laura (for Eshel), and Yogi

"I'm a superhero!"
"No, you are a kobald."
"No, she's just trying to protect her secret identity."
- Eshel, Yogi, then Mike

"Ah!  You wet my pants"
- Phil (after the GM used the squirt gun)

"God, it's a squeeky Cartman."
- Mike, commenting on Yogi's voice for Eshel

"Why does Mr. Saotome look like he's humping your leg?"
- Doc, to Phil, regarding an aptly named stuffed panda

"Dead drow are good; fishing bait is icky."
- Bes'lanna's deep responce to luring the Drow into a trap

"Damn, I don't have duct tape."
- Phil, looking through Sar's inventory

This segment of quotes came from the combined Wounds and Planescape Forever session:

"Shamil, would you check the portal?"
"I'm not Shamil, I'm Gloria!"
"Damnit, this is getting confusing already."
- Darious (Mike), to Nicki (playing both Gloria and Shamil, but Shamil hadn't showed up yet), then Mike again, about 2 minutes into the game

"I will put my foot through your chest vs. 'Homey G Funk'"
- Yogi, compairing the NPCs of his two games

"How do you feel about your bride being in the hands of the Drow?"
"Oddly neutral."
- Shamil, then Darious (he was getting forced into the wedding)

"I want my beard back..."
- Sar (regarding being polymorphed from a dwarf to a Drow)

"I need to go think about my color scheme.  I think I need alcohol to do this and...  My God, I'm channelling Asgar."
- Darious yet again

"It sound much better coming from someone drunk."
- Eleni, regarding Darious's objections

"I am a maid of udder."
- Eleni, after the group talked about cows.

"What's going on?"
"Bachelor Party"
- Shaklyri, then Shamil, the female gnome, responding about the morose, crying group

"What's the Drow way?"
"I could show you..."
- Sar, regarding Shaklyri's comment about wierd elven honeymoons, then Shaklyri flirting back

"Wow, it's a man with PMS."
- Jordan, about Darious wigging out

"Please don't kill me over this."
"Whatever you say, Meat Shield."
- Gloria, then Darious

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