Is it worth the trouble to change one's sex?

A second opinion - H.B.K.

I decided to adjust my physical body to ny inner gender identity, and this was clearly the right decision for me, but does it have to be the right decision for all transsexuals?
Below is a text from a TS who hesitates. If you can understand German you shouldn't read the text here, but go to h.b.k.'s original page, here:   pil   There you will also find additional texts on the topic.


A note of caution

This is a very personal text. Not just because it concerns my very personal considerations and prejudices, but also because it could potentially be seen as an attack on the choice other transsexuals have made for their lives. This is in a way intentional, but should be seen as a political statement rather than as a personal insult

About me

My relation to my "sex of birth" has been full of contradictions as long as I can remember. This goes all the way back to age two or three. Not that I didn't know that I'm "really" a girl, but everything in me fought against this label.
Blessed with an acute sense of reality, mathematical talent, a strong character and an imaginative mind, I accepted to be a girl, but confronted the people around me with not wanting to, and tried all ways, accepted or not accepted in the society, to avoid being a girl.
The forms for this rebellion towards the surrounding society and for my own inner struggle changed over the years. Likewise, my need for a settlement of the inner controversy and for bodily change varied over time.

Am I a transsexual?

I f someone had told me when I was 3 years or 13 years old that it is possible to make a sex reassignment, my decision would not have needed much discussion. I would simply have asked "When do we start?" and I would have commented the information that no completely functional phallus can be constructed with "OK, I can understand that". So much to the medical-technical aspect of the problem.

In the 8th grade, according to the biology curriculum of the GDR, the human sexes and sexuality should be discussed. I did not consider the subject particularly interesting, because my mother had already given me heaps of literature with information on sexual matters.
Despite this there were two questions I kept thinking about:
Firstly, the thought " I like boys, so I have to be a girl" struggled with the thought "If I was a boy, I would be gay. So what!", secondly, suddenly there was the word "hermaphrodite" to be found between the two sexes: maybe this was what I was, even my schoolmates found this to be likely� While I pitched "normal" against "doubly abnormal" in my discussion with myself, I revealed my conclusion about being a hermaphrodite, to my mother.
Weeks later and totally unexpected I received the reaction of the society on the medical feasible.
As I went to my mother's work at a medical health centre, her boss brought me aside and gave me a short lecture along the lines of "Don't think it's that easy!". She told me of the outcasts of the society, of troubles with the authorities, etc. The result: This speech had exactly the effect that it intended, from now on my "sense of reality" governed my thought on the problem.

Still today, 20 years later, every emotional "I want to" is met by an overpowering "is it worth the trouble?", and this questions is no longer only referring to the necessary path through medical facilities and to the social reactions, but also to the feasible results in the case of a sex reassignment surgery.
The answer to the question "Is it worth the trouble?" is correlated to the degree of suffering under one's transsexuality, according to the "German Law on Transsexuality" and, surely, also according to psychological practice this suffering is deciding for the necessity (and therefore financing) of sex reassignment surgery. As long as I cannot answer the question with an unequivocal yes, I want allow anyone to judge the degree of my transsexuality. Why should I bother a psychological consultant with my doubts?
Still, even some transsexuals like to define transsexuality through this "suffering" and the firm opinion that a bodily change is necessary, and the inability to go on living without a sex change. I am sorry, but ... I consider this definition and the militant defence among the transsexuals themselves against deviants, to be just an expression of their naivety, and the fear among those who have gone through the sex change to face the question "Was it worth the while?"


Dr Olof

Start pagepil

Who is Dr Olof?pil

Is it worth the while to change one's sex? Olofpil

Is it worth the while to change one's sex? HBKpil

Voice changesftm voice change

Things every transman has to consider at one time or another.pil

Copyright: Dr. Olof, Sweden.
Last change: 2004-08-03


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