Top Ten Excuses Why I Don't Go to Church...(or synogogue, mosque or temple...)

10. I can't find a polyester leisure suit anywhere

9. I'm more comfortable sleeping in my bed than in a pew

8. I'm allergic to Holy water.

7. I already served time as a child.

6. The combination of perfumes and incense can make you pass out or go blind.

5. Listening to organ music makes me crave peanuts and popcorn and Crackerjax.

4. I can only remember three of the Ten Commandments.

3. The wine they serve is not a very good vintage.

2. Sitting in church does not guarantee that you'll be sitting in heaven later.

And the number one reason why I don't go to church....

1. I feel guilty enough already.