With Mary's very kind permission, I would like to offer a "watered down" version (her words, not mine) of her testimony for your reading enjoyment. I took great pleasure from reading it and I hope you will too. What a blessing to have a person like Mary in my life. Enjoy! (Best viewed on full screen)
An Answer to Prayer
by Mary Tuttle
When I was a child every night my mother sat on the side of my bed and encouraged me to pray. Together we prayed the Lord's Prayer; "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name....." then she listened to me pray. I always prayed the same prayer. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." I then asked God to help everyone in my family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I began with the oldest first so I wouldn't forget anyone. My mother's patience in listening to this litany night after night was amazing! I'm sure she listened to me pray at least 2000 times. She would have listened to many more prayers, but when I was ten years old she got breast cancer and was dead within six months. I learned then that men and women are like flowers of the field, precious and fragile.
For the next thirty years I often prayed--thought I think only out of habit. My mother had made me attend Sunday school, and at age fourteen I was a confirmed member of the church. Confirmed meant that I had to correctly answer questions about the Christian faith. My ears must have been filled with wax because all I took away from those religious years were three things: a belief in a remote god who somehow created us, an old story about a man who died on a cross for my sins so I could go to heaven, and prayer.
By the time I was forty one years old, I was living with my husband in a small town in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Prayer I used only in times of great stress or unhappiness. I had bumbled and stumbled through life without a plan. My path lead me through boyfriends, drugs, jobs, drinking, sorrow, frustrated plans, marriage, and probably more than my fair share of happiness. I understood how short life is; both my parents were dead. I knew sorrow; I was unable to bear children. I recognized that evil is real; all I had to do was watch the TV news or read a newspaper. I had experienced how petty, stupid, and horrible people could be, and I stood at the head of the line. I could complain, criticize and wish some people dead in less than a day! Life's realities had sunk in! I wasn't satisfied with the world or myself. I felt like I was in a race with everyone to find happiness and the competition was too stiff. It seemed that only a few were granted lasting happiness and those belonged to fiction. Except for the beauty of nature, life seemed harsh, often dull, and lonely. Sometimes I blamed my unhappiness on my life as a housewife who lived in an isolated mountain town. I had few friends, and my dream of becoming a good artist hadn't come true. However, when I compared my life with others, I knew I had no excuse for complaining. I had fewer troubles and an easier life than any in my immediate family. My husband and I loved each other. We had no money problems. We could always find something to laugh at. However, we were both stubborn and prideful people and though our fights never lasted long, we fought frequently. From this, my anger began to harden my heart towards him.
Almost everyday I hiked on old mountain roads that had been built by silver miners. I sensed a kinship with the miners. They had lived a lonely life always digging for treasure. I dug through life trying to find happiness. On these walks I sometimes prayed. I prayed for friends to relieve my loneliness, for success as an artist and begged God for children even while wondering if it was right for me to want children of my own. I prayed for my family and any problems I encountered. I also prayed for the world's people but always in question form asking "God, why do people have to suffer?" I didn't know who or what I was praying to. My concept of God by this time had become a mix of mother nature, reincarnation, astrology, Darwinism, and Jesus Christ. It didn't seem to matter, after all. No one ever answered.
In February 1997 I was on a hike with our dog. He ran far ahead of me. It was about ten o'clock in the morning and completely quiet. The wind was still; not one insect buzzed. A few grasses were beginning to poke through under the sagebrush. It was warm, and spots of snow brightened any shade. On my left rose a small hill with an old, burnt tree silhouetted against the clear, blue sky. A flock of jays flew in the distance. I had been thinking earlier of how Jesus Christ had said if you believed in him you could live forever, and if you didn't believe in him you went to hell. I didn't like this last part at all. I was praying to him, just in case he was real. I was asking if he could save horrible criminals from themselves and the rest of us from this crazy world, when I heard God. It was not like a human's voice, but real. It seemed as if I was a huge ear because my whole body heard him. He said," I am all powerful, and if you had my power you could hold the sun in the palm of your hands." He also let me experience, for a moment, what it was like to love everyone on earth. The feeling was overflowing, encompassing, and all consuming of my mind and body. It brought me to my knees immediately and left me shaken and crying. He did not disappear, but did not say anymore. I got up and stood still taking in my surroundings. I couldn't believe my good fortune. I ran home extremely excited, but I acted as if nothing had happened.
That day I began to read the Bible to see if it was true. As I read I could see pictures in my mind as if I was reading from a good novel. Before, most of it had been boring. For once I understood the words. I knew they were the truth. The world made more sence. The book resembled a mirror and I saw myself for the first time. It was obvious to me that the Bible was God's word. It was obvious that I was a self-centered person that had broken every commandment. I had never understood before that if I confessed my sin and sincerely asked Jesus to live in my heart that is precisely what he would do. He would absolutely give me his Spirit for the strength and will to change my mind and life. When I did this I felt like I had come home after being in jail for years. Never had I experienced such sweet freedom. Later, I sought out other Christians. I sought carefully because I knew many people claimed to be Christians. I heard similar stories to mine, all slightly different, yet the same. All finding love and friendship with Jesus Christ. All finding answered prayer.
I no longer chase happiness. My life isn't perfect by far, but I am at peace. I have more love for my husband than ever before, more friends, and hardly any loneliness. With prayer and the study of God's word, I almost always experience pure joy-the joy that knowing God is real, the joy of an answered prayer, and the promise of eternal life-"because of the tender mercy of our God, with which the Sunrise from on high shall visit us, to shine upon those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace." Luke 1:78-79
I want to say that all spelling errors are mine alone. I wrote the text-complete with underlines and italics- the way Mary wrote it. I hope you enjoyed reading this. If you did and would like to comment on what you have read here, please email me and put as the subject: Regarding Mary. I will make sure she gets all comments. Mahalo!
People who have read Mary's tesimony since April 3, 1999.
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