Deeply Fulfilling Intimacy despite Unwanted Genital Cutting
My Personal Experience(concise version)
Around adolescence when I first began to more systematically explore my own genitalia, I found that nothing really felt good except using dry friction that left my genitalia raw and bleeding. Despite the discomfort, I went on because I felt the desire to ejaculate, but when that finally happened, there was a physical release but nothing else(At the time I was under the impression that ejaculation and orgasm were inseparably linked). For the next several years, despite no appreciable amounts of pleasure I continued this way with rough abrasion leading to the physical release of ejaculation but with no associated orgasm with it, which greatly confused and frustrated me. I thought maybe things would be different if I had a sexual partner, but that turned out to make no difference. During sex my partner was able to access all these indescribably pleasurable states and whereas the most I got was a temporary reprieve from a desire to ejaculate which left me feeling used.
Around this time I finally began to research online and I found that there were others out there who did not orgasm despite being able to ejaculate. Much to my dismay, I learned that the genital-cutting forced upon me when I was a defenseless infant, removed so much erogenous skin including my frenulum that it led to my desperate attempts trying to grasp at fleeting bits of pleasure despite incessant physical stimulation.
Ultimately though, I found examples of men who were able to orgasm without any physical stimulation at all, which intrigued me since at the time I had nearly given up hope of ever being able to find sex pleasurable. I familiarized myself with a wide variety of techniques and frameworks and began to practice on my own. At first it felt awful -- like being depressed, but as I learned that this was just all my repressed pain I had been carrying needlessly around, I slowly but steadily began to work my way through it and let the healing happen at its own pace. After much work, ultimately I began to find I was able to build the sexual arousal in my body with my mind only in a way that spontaneously-generated multiple and extended-duration full-body bliss experiences without ejaculation that left me feeling so emotionally overwhelmed and fulfilled that all I could do afterwards was bask in the afterglow crying tears of joy.
Overview of Process
Experiencing sex fully is challenging for most genitally-whole humans, but when your genitals have been cut-up this can create additional physical and emotional barriers to overcum. Fully-aware sexual approaches can help recipients of all forms and severities of unwanted genital-cutting(MGM, IGM, and FGM) to open up to their full pleasure potential.
Take note of these key attributes:
~ Orgasm and ejaculation are separate experiences and each can be experienced without the other.
~ All humans regardless of gender, have an equal potential for full-body and extended-duration multiple orgasms without any relapse period.
~ Direct and/or constant genital stimulation is not required at all.
~ One can be highly sexually aroused without need for a penile erection or clitoral engorgement.
~ Past emotional wounds may be brought to the surface for you to experience and then release yourself from.
To experience sex fully one has to approach it with full awareness. This simply means -- when you are feeling sexually aroused, you focus your mind fully on the sensations and feelings that are happening in the present moment. This is an ongoing process that takes dedication to accepting healing through pleasure.
Emotional Barriers: If you still live in the culture that sanctioned your genital cutting then there likely will be social pressure telling you how 'normal, healthy and wonderful' it is to have chopped-up genitalia and that you should be thankful for it, so let me state clearly that when someone straps you down, strips you bare exposing your most intimate parts and then takes a knife to them -- slicing off large portions of sexually-sensitive and fully-functional erogenous tissue, the appropriate emotional response in you is to feel deep pain. Fortunately it is possible to heal yourself from this pain. As you practice you may find that past emotional wounds about forced genital cutting or about any other repressed pain burden you have been carrying around with you begin to surface -- this is a natural part of the healing process. Even if it feels uncomfortable, relax and let go, experience the pain as fully as you can. It will soon dissipate and you can open up more.
Physical Barriers: Many techniques reccomend that you touch your genitalia to arouse yourself. However if you genitalia is badly damaged and not functional, then this may only create negative thoughts and become a barrier in itself. If this is true for you then, try using fantasy and caresses on other areas of your body. Your entire body is an erogenous zone if you have the right mindset.
A formal technique can be of great help in learning how to open up in this way. All of these frameworks, regardless of whether they use focusing on visualization, breathing, body parts, muscle contractions, a sound you make etc, is that they are all, at their core, techniques which quiet your thinking mind and allow you to fully focus on and experience what is happening in the present moment.
Sexual Energy Work -- an excellent concise overview
Male Multiple Orgasm Myths and Facts -- escape cultural myths
How to have Energy Orgasms -- clear step by step
Male Sexual Healing -- mentions mgm
Spiritual Sex -- general overview
Tantra -- any man can become multi-orgasmic
Sex Magick -- an introduction
People's Personal Experiences:
Here a man describes having simultaneous 'heartgasms' with his partner
I want to make this page more helpful so please ask me your questions and/or suggest a helpful link, email me at nalliandar at yahoo dot com or send me a message directly through my site.
Return to Contents