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When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
Dave Barry
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright
Beer is good food.
John Goodman
"You don't like jail?"
"Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there."
Charles Bukowski
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
Jack Handy
It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
Dorothy Parker
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart
Adhere to the Schweinheitsgebot! Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat.
David Geary
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
Edward Abbey
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drank, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
William Butler Yeats
I drink when I have occasion... and sometimes when I have no occasion.
Miguel De Cervantes
I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.
Winston Churchill
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Kaiser Welhelm
Whiskey's too rough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer.
Tom T. Hall
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemmingway
He was a wise man who invented beer.
Plato
They who drink beer will think beer.
Washington Irving
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemmingway
A full beer is a perfect beer.
Tim Russman
Well I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beer.
Jim Morrison
"Sir, you're drunk!"
"Madam, you're ugly; But at least I'll be sober in the morning"
Winston Churchill
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Homer Simpson
I drink to make other people interesting.
Dave Barry
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all life's problems.
Homer Simpson
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W.C. Fields
Candy,
Is dandy.
But Liquor,
Is quicker.
Ogden Nash
I often sit back and think, "I wish I'd done that," and find out later that I already have.
Richard Harris
It is not I who become addicted, it is my body.
Jean Cocteau
I don't drink water, fish fuck in it.
Oscar Wilde
Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
Homer Simpson
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria.
Old German Proverb
I don't have a drinking problem so much as I have a drinking solution.
The blood is now running through my alcohol stream.
Why is it that when you drink seven nights a week in college you are a partier, and after that you are a alcoholic?
Beer is the fountain of happiness.
Good people drink good beer.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
"Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?"
"No, but I've had several out-of-beer experiences that were just about as bone-chilling as you can get."
Willy 'n Ethel
This is all thousands of years old. It's the same the world over. Anyone who has ever walked upright has loved beer, celebrated over it, told talks over it, hatched plots over it, courted over it. It's what we do as a species. It's what makes us human. We brew.
Alan Eames
A little bit of beer is divine medicine.
Paracelsus
Most people hate the taste of beer.
It is, however, a prejudice.
Winston Churchill
Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health.
Thomas Jefferson
Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.
Frederick the Great
I work until beer o'clock.
Stephen King
The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love.
13th century German law
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.
Ancient Egyptian Proverb
Q. Why is American beer served cold?
A. So you can tell it from urine.
David Moulton
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry
Whoever makes a poor beer is transferred to the dung-hill.
Edict of Danzig 11th Century
Beer drinking doesn't do half the harm as love-making.
Fermentation and civilization are inseparable.
John Ciardi
There are more old drunks than old doctors.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
Henry Lawson
Wine is but single broth; ale is meat, drink, and cloth.
16th Century English Proverb
At social parties no gentleman ever thought of leaving the table sober; the host would have considered it a slight on his hospitality.
F.W. Hackwood
Beer..."a high and mighty liquor."
Julius Caesar
Of beer, an enthusiast has said that it could never be bad, but that some brands might be better than others.
A.A. Milne
Beer, of course, is actually a depressant, but poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.
Curt Vonnegut, Jr.
He is not deserving the name of Englishman who speaketh against ale, that is, good ale.
George Borrow
Ere's to English women an' a quart of English beer.
Rudyard Kipling
For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.
Shakespeare
I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
William Shakespeare
There's nothing as heartening as the sight of an empty pub in the morning, the shelves full and everything spick and span before the barbarian hordes come in. Them that drinks bottles spoil the look of the shelves but draught is a different story - you never see the barrel going down.
Patrick McGinley
No poems can live long or please that are written by water-drinkers.
Horace 65-8 BC
Hey, bartender, a thousand pints of light!
Second City Players
Alcohol may be the road to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts and beer.
Abraham Lincoln
One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.
Ron Klugman
The roots and herbs beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengthen and quicken the sight of the eyes.
Nicholas Culpeper "Philosophy of a Moderate Diet"
[I recommend]...bread, meat, vegetables and beer.
Sophocles
Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.
Winston Churchill
We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.
Martin Luther
Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.
Bruce Carlton
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough
An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger or a beer.
Confucius
I always keep a bottle of whiskey handy... in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W.C. Fields
Beer that is not drunk had missed its vocation.
Meyer Breslau
It is disgusting to note the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects and the amount of money that goes out of the country in consequence. Everybody is using coffee. If possible, this must be prevented. My people must drink beer.
Frederick the Great
Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
Edgar Allan Poe
Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days.
Ancient Egyptian Credo
I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night.
Ancient Greek proverb
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
Benjamin Franklin
You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey - the sacred incense of the drinking man.
Bruce Aidells
Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow.
Cicero
The government will fall that raises the price of beer.
Czech Saying
Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire.
David Rains Wallace
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.
Don Marquis
I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.
Ernest Hemingway
Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand.
Fritz Maytag, American brewer
Why do I drink?
So that I can write poetry.
Jim Morrison
The pub knows a lot, almost as much as the churches.
Joyce Carey
A pleasant aperitif, as well as a good chaser for a short quick whiskey, as well again for a fine supper drink, is beer.
M. F. K. Fisher, American writer
What event is more awfully important to an English colony than the erection of its first brew house?
Reverend Sidney Smith
No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn.
Samuel Johnson
Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
Socrates
There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better.
Stephen Morris
I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't find a drink.
Tom Waits
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
Tucker Max
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W.C. Fields
It is a fair wind that blew men to the ale.
Washington Irving
Whiskey and Beer are a man's worst enemies... but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!
Zeca Pagodinho
Why don't you come up and have a little scotch & sofa?
Mae West
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W.C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W.C. Fields
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W.C. Fields
I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
I went on a diet, swore off eating and heavy drinking, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
Joe E. Lewis
I drink to forget I drink.
Joe E. Lewis
I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.
P.J. O'Rourke
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P.J. O'Rourke
It was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer.
Ernest Hemingway
This beer is good for you. This is draft beer. Stick with the beer. Let's go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer.
Ernest Hemingway
Lady Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
Moderation is a fatal thing - nothing succeeds like excess.
Oscar Wilde
Let schoolmasters puzzle their brains with grammar, and nonsense, and learning. Good liquor, I stoutly maintain, gives genius a better discerning.
Oliver Goldsmith
I would rather commit adultery than drink a glass of beer.
Lady Astor
Why is there so much wine left at the end of my money?
Milan Maximovich
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society, except that which makes the road safer, the beer stronger, old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.
Brendan Behan
When the hour is nigh,
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me.
Archpoet, "Confesio" 12th century
Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
George Bernard Shaw
An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas
They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.
Casey Stengel
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Henny Youngman
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
Dean Martin
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.
Jonathan Swift
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
George Bernard Shaw
If the headache preceded the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.
Samuel Butler
It only takes one drink to get me drunk, but I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
George Burns
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
George Best
The heart which grief hath cankered...
Hath one unfailing remedy - the tankard.
C.S. Calverly
Then trust me, there's nothing like drinking. So pleasant this side of the grave; it keeps the unhappy from thinking and makes even the valiant more brave.
Charles Didbin
The first draught serveth for health, the second for pleasure, the third for shame, the fourth for madness.
Sir Walter Raleigh
An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.
Alvan L. Barach
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Lord Byron
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.
Irish proverb
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Dean Martin
My grandmother is eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.
Louis Pasteur
The world needs water. For every bottle of wine you drink you contribute to conserving the drinking water reserves
Paul Emil Victor
Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine.
Karl Marx
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
William Blake
Gin and drugs, dear lady, gin and drugs.
T.S. Eliot (when asked about inspiration)
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
Richard Braunstein
This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
Samuel Johnson
Wine is made to be drunk as women are made to be loved; profit by the freshness of youth or the splendor of maturity; do not await decrepitude.
Theophile Malvezin
Nothing makes the future look so rosy as to contemplate it through a glass of Chambertin.
Napoleon
Beer isn't just beer... beer needs a home.
Die Welt, German newspaper - 1976
Payday came and with it beer.
Rudyard Kipling
Beer brewers shall sell no beer to the citizens, unless it be three weeks old; to the foreigner they may knowingly sell younger beer.
German beer law, 1466
There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'Good people drink good beer.' Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.
Hunter S. Thompson
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
G.K. Chesterton
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
Jack Handy
I've always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.
Rudyard Wheatley
Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
Ogden Nash
For we could not now take time for further search (to land our ship) our victuals being much spent, especially our Beer.
Ship's log of the Mayflower
But the greatest love--the love above all loves, even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, of one beer drunken slob for another.
Irish love ballad
Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.
Drew Carey
As he brews so shall he drink.
Ben Johnson
The best place to drink beer is at home. Or on a river bank, if the fish don't bother you.
American folk saying
When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?
J.P. Donleavy
A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote. A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat. So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.
William Butler Yeats
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
Mark Twain
O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass! Names that should be on every infant's tongue.
C.V. Calverly
Come, guess me this riddle, what beats pipes and fiddle, What's hotter than mustard and milder than cream? What best wets your whistle, what's clearer than crystal, What's sweeter than honey and stronger than steam? What'll make the dumb talk, what'll make the lame walk, What's the elixir of life and philosopher's stone? What helped Mr. Brunel to dig the Thames Tunnel? Wasn't it whiskey, me boys, from old Inishowen?
The Humours of Whiskey
If all be true that I do think, there are five reasons we should drink;
Good wine - a friend - or being dry - Or lest we should be by and by - or any other reason why.
Henry Aldrich
There are two reasons for drinking: One is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; The other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.
Thomas Love Peacock
Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman? Hell no!
Hunter S. Thompson on the Gulf War
I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?
Denis Leary
I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
Noel Coward
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson
I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.
George Best
What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.
Diogenes
© Dubhóc MacEògainn, 2005.