About Me

I guess I should tell you a little about me before I tell you about my experience :-)

I am 21 now and have lived all of my life in Scotland. I have spent a lot of time in Canada and the US, but Scotland is my true home. The Highlands sing to my soul (as corny as that sounds) and I love this country with a fiery passion. I grew up in a small village right on the edge of the Highlands, but went to school in Aberdeen (the nearest city). I went to an all-girls' school, which I hated, but have now returned to live in Aberdeen where I have found some level of peace.

I went to university in Durham (I consider it 'honorary Scotland ;-)) to study Theoretical Physics. Unfortunately, I didn't get to finish the course, because I got sick, but more about that in My Experience. I hated Physics until I was about 14, and then, suddenly, one teacher made it click in my head. He wasn't afraid to tell me about Quantum Mechanics, and since my burning interest is in the nature of the universe and reality, I found that I actually liked Physics. Not so much in the physics of this level, newtonian mechanics etc, but in the sub-atomic level - what we are actually made from. The ideas that the whole of creation is actually just a haze of possibilities, and that nothing is truly real (as we know it) fascinated me. I also did a module in the Philosophy of Science, and considered switching to that after I had to leave the Physics course (also explained in My Experience), because I realised that I was more interested in the why of things, not just the how.

I came back home broken-hearted (my long-term boyfriend left me the week I got sick - how's that for timing?) and lost. I didn't know how I would survive this, because I loved Durham so much. I was so happy there - I was building a new life, in an unbelievably beautiful place, doing something I loved with people I felt at home with. I had just signed a lease on a house and was going to be moving in with my friends. And then it was all over. Just before I had to come home, though, I had renewed links with a guy I knew from Aberdeen, because we were both very interested in magick. I had met Drennen again at an anniversary night of the club we went to, and this time had kept in touch. When I got back, I met up with him again, and we got together.... I was so lucky to find him - he has stayed with me through all this, and he even proposed to me somewhere along the line! He is now my full-time carer, which means that he cooks, cleans, pushes the wheelchair, feeds and clothes me when he has to, and he does it all without (much) complaint. I don't know how I managed to find him, but I am so glad I have done. We now share a flat in Aberdeen, where I have finally let go of my past here and realised that I do actually like it here :-)

My life now is focussed on magick and all that goes with it. I am very interested in comparitive religions, and so have researched most of the major ones, and quite a few obscure ones in my spiritual life. I was raised Catholic, but always found my life as a Christian lacking. I found that it didn't let me be everything I could be, and, while I believe that Jesus existed and that his teachings are amazing, I disliked the structure of the Church and the belief system surrounding his life. So I searched and searched until I found something that clicked. At first it was wicca, but I quickly became disillusioned with it, and realised that it was witchcraft that I was interested in. And so I developed this part of myself, and, for the first time in my life, felt the void in my soul was gone. I am always learning and my path is always evolving, but I am home at last.

At the moment, I am training as a priestess with the Fellowship of Isis. I love it and, although it is quite hard work and is taking me longer than usual (because I find it hard to concentrate a lot of the time), it is improving my life every day. I have found that following the path of a priestess is improving all my relationships as it has helped me to develop the ability to look honestly at myself and others. Communicating with others from that place is often hard, but the rewards are amazing.

More recently, I have completed another part of the puzzle that is me. I have become part of an Amazon community - modern day, real-life Amazons. For most of my life I believed I was weak, because of my depression and illness. Only recently have I come to realise that these things are my strengths - I am a survivor. I am alive, I am loved and I love. A few days after I finally voiced this understanding to my partner, I stumbled upon an online Amazon community. It turned out not to be the right one for me, sadly, but I have now found a home with Amazon Worlds (see the links section). The spirit of the Amazon is one of passion, strength, support and beauty. I have included my idea on what it means to be an Amazon in the 'Other Writings' section.

I think that probably sums it up for me - if anyone has any questions, though, please let me know at charm_quark@hotmail.com








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