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December, 2002




12/31/02-I reckon the wors' thang was al'ays havin' ta hol' it he said al'ays 'cause ifn ya dint they'd set them dogs on ya an them hoses an wup yer ass lak ta da but then he goes ta reclectin' starin' considrin' but the tar prison's perdy bad too he said an I don' know many could lif long once n they'd put ya thar n tied ya in lak I 'member lotsa fellas they lef 'em thar too long ya could hear 'em yellin' screamin' fer days n nights n when ya couldn't hear 'em no more they went in maybe a day later and what they brung out again weren't no more a person wern't not but two ways outa thar first wuz dyin' and t'other wuz goin' outa yer min' course I don' 'member anyone come back ok ifn ya got called fer the tar prison folks jes' look away cause yer not acomin back in this worl' not wi' yer wits about ya no how they had this place thar a li'l island lak in the tar whar they'd send ya an ya could sleep thar no light an the tar all warm an oozin in a lake lak right outside no door them fumes 'ud kill ya soon enuf they'd gif ya a li'l boat lak an a tar bucket coupla oars long black rope ta pull back in oncet tha oars ud git all covered in th' stinkin' hot tar ifn ya'd fill't yer quota them barrls an then ya had to wrestle them out and stack 'em on the shore lak didn't count ifn ya got tar on the sides had ta start o'er after a week they'd stick ya in this place say ta clean yerself up an lock ya in nobody ever come back from thar all covered in the tar by then the eyes a lookin' out white all res' jes' tar ever which way thar's bodies in thar one top t'other stuck with the tar from before ya can't clean it off no way wadin' in hot sticky tar a whole lak of it they say thar's a few thousand they lef in thar all waitin' lak to git cleaned up dead now starin' out lak wif them white eyes an covered in tar n ya can't clean it off no how...




12/17/02-Dreamed I woke up in this life for the first time, but it did not matter that I was unfamiliar with the routine, as everything had already been planned and scheduled, down to each time I'd take a breath and for how long, where and how often I'd pee, the number and rapidity of my heartbeats, whom I'd meet and talk to and at what precise moments, every single thought that would come into my mind, and in just what order, all of the perceptions or feelings I'd experience, one after another, precisely which word I'd read, just when and in what order, in every book, magazine, or letter, etc., every cent I'd receive or spend, in fact absolutely every movement of every bit of each atom that makes up my body till the day I die, and then on till all my remains have been ultimately scattered into the earths and airs and seas of this pearly world, where they'll start anew in myriad other life forms, down through the ages, and even then, every single change, to which I'm intimately connected, as in a record, just so, ready to be played out, whenever the present moment time and space Victrola needle touches the right groove...




12/13/02-No shortage of bestial specimens with which to contend a roundtable of fiends let us now decry the infamous men we are each a multitude with enough demons to fill a herd of swine and more simply scratch a bit the surface of your social veneer and they are there the trick is not to be a saint but to creatively rise above our many cloven hooves and feet of clay make no excuses rationalize not your way out of things simply face and vanquish your own demons...




12/12/02-Alone I beheld as I cast my eyes aloft to the next ridge up which I must take myself ere long that it was covered in every space by lechuguillas their blades both multiple and lethal looking back the way I'd come my path had been lost in another such impassible steep slope moreover from among the knifelike succulent projections before and behind I could detect large serpents clearly venomous disturbed already by my presence night was descending I stood at the base of a small valley by what circuitous route I had arrived here I could no longer tell as if I'd simply awakened in this region after a bout of sleepwalking that my lower limbs had not been multiply pierced I could not fathom in minutes all light would have receded the largest nearest of the snakes had begun to approach the rocks on which I balanced seemed to shift my interval of sanctuary was soon ending somewhere off to my right there lay a road perhaps a safe way but betwixt my current position and that presented an impenetrable forest of upward spiking green daggers infested with equally dangerous sinister slowly moving reptiles the first stars of dusk appeared bright in a sky so intensely an unearthly deeply dark blue...




12/6/02-Meditation thoughts tumbled one over another a thousand impressions memories insights sensations too many to edit thirty-five years before he'd had a vision so profound and vivid he'd known it to be true a precognition he saw himself scribbling writing millions of words he saw money flying to him like fall leaves released by a maelstrom yet as time passed he forgot and went on about his ordinary life and when he'd remember dismissed the oracular episode as the mind's tricks coincidences nothing more until nine eleven when he recalled the last prophetic part of that dark knowledge for in the awful repeated pictures he recognized the beginning he'd foreseen the third world war images of surpassingly horrific destruction of which these were but the beginning why not simply tell the truth defenses down I did not keep the job because I wasn't fast enough he thought always too meticulous compulsive what he'd liked to call thorough a sense of humor will only take you so far he noted but for the end of the journey you must have something more it's all harmonious music he felt everywhere like tides welling up and inflowing then receding in our ears the blood circulating with a roar like the surf masks more subtle sounds heard when the mind becomes still each day's agenda is structured divided framed subdivided not by astonishing instants of sheer brilliance but by bladder urgent bathroom breaks things look pretty good she said bending over so I could look down her blouse at the lavish landscape there but five of your teeth are cracked you know sooner or later they'll just explode if we don't fix them first maria said it's ironic but most men shy away from women with truly stunning allure they assume such ladies would already have their dance and date cards filled but chances are they are really more lonely than most not certain I believe her though my dog unsure what's wrong if not distracted trembling all over much of the time now just standing there staring with a worried expression sauna chatter that's all A&M needs is RJ to take over yes you're right but actually I think he'll fit in just fine your arms must be really strong I see you doing laps so fast but your legs never move oh no it's just once across and then a break if I tried to swim continuously it would be a different story how was your workout this morning the wrinkles I've seen gradually added over the years your face so beautiful to me just so and precious like the little prince's rose he thought her lovely visage was more than familiar unique now for him it had been tamed...

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