The Truth Concerning Ear Wax

By Troy Morash

 

There is evidence to suggest that once, there was an old woman, who loved men so much that she had hundreds of children. She could beat one and it would be days before she would see the wretched thing again and by then all its bruises would be healed. Not one of them would amount to one real man so she thought. Because the family was so small they could all fit nicely into a little pocket book, which is exactly where they lived on Saturdays and Sundays. During the week however they lived in a certain man's ears who the old woman simply adored. Everyone considered him quite handsome and mature. However the children constantly played tiny tricks on him and told him things that simply weren't true. If anything, the children could have been wickedly magical storytellers. But laziness is it's own reward and so they did nothing but lounge about on the young man's gentle ears or roamed about on top of his wavy head. And it's a good thing no one saw all these children on his head and ears or he would certainly have lost his job and house! This is how some men lose their hair; wicked little children yank it out. And even though this man was considered mature and handsome by his noble friends, he could not feel the tiny footsteps on his head or their laughs and breath against his skin, and so he was considered by posterity and other successful historians as being quite unimportant and not the kind of man to aspire to be or wish your father to be. For he had no feelings! In fact, it's been widely regarded that he had even considered the children and their wicked little lies as his very own thoughts. And he must not have been the type to bath often, this is probably another reason why the old woman chose this man's head as a place for her rotten and dirty little children to live.

Not many of the old woman's children had names, only the ones that were extremely unusual or constantly gave her a hard time, and it must have been that one young and impressionable lad was christened Willful Willie because he never did as anyone said or would do the opposite, because, as he enjoyed telling everyone: 'I have a choice!' This, the old woman considered a very bad thing, but only when she asked something of him. At other times she was quite amused and rather overjoyed to see him telling all the children 'No' and even the gentle man on whom they lived and wasted. Whenever the gentle man was lucky enough to have a good opportunity come his way, like a beautiful lady interested in kissing him or a rich man bursting inside to give the man a million dollars, Willful Willie would jump into the man's ear and whisper the classic little word 'No'. And so the gentle man found himself saying 'No' to a lot of good things for no reason at all. Willful Willie had no idea why he liked to say no or why, when someone asked him to do something, he would always do the opposite, exactly what they did not want done. And when the old woman told him to find a reason why he said no, he refused by saying 'No'!

Then one day Willful Willie decided to leave the gentle man's head to explore other people's heads. Everyone said that he would be back in a month whereupon he decided that he would never come back, even if he wished to and so the old woman never saw him again.

And so he left, for he wanted to see how flutes were made and tell (whoever it was who makes flutes) that they are made all wrong, just for fun. As well, he wanted to travel around the world, not only to make life difficult for people by telling them to say 'No' but also to help people who could never say no to bad things. It was also his dream to see the apples fall off the trees in Cornwall and perhaps the most important reason of all for leaving: just to see what would happen without his mother. And off he went a head hopping. For years he hopped from one head to another, telling everyone to say 'No' or 'Don't do that'! And everyone took Willful Willie's no's as his or her own thoughts. For who would believe that there is a little boy the size of a cake crumb and as sticky as melting ice cream, carrying nothing but a bunch of candles (for it is hard to see when you are inside someone's ear) and a jar of olive oil, jumping from head to head telling people what not to do?

So what happened to Willful Willie? Well, nothing. He is still alive since a year to him is only a second to us but feels as long to him as a minute does to us, and so he can out live anybody, alive or dead, and since he can't count he isn't very old so he's still quite young, in fact a mere child by our wealthy standards. People that small take a long time to die. So he still head hops and he is getting better at it and is becoming really fast too. And so now you may ask- where is the proof? Well if you remember, as mentioned earlier, Willful Willie uses candles because it is so dark inside people's ears and he doesn't want to become lost and get sucked out your nose and so he lights up a candle to make sure he's in the right place. Now of course the candles drip, what sane candle doesn't? And so whenever you have wax in your ears, from the candle wax after it has dried you know Willful Willie has been in your ear and the time when you said 'No', it probably wasn't you but instead that naughty little Willful Willie. Of course, I've heard that Willful Willie is not the only little person, who slips into your ears and tells you what to say or do, that's probably why we have to clean our ears every single day, just to cover up the fact that we have little people running about inside our head. And so there is the proof and no one can dispute it-no one. Nope.

 

© 2002 Troy Morash. All Rights Reserved.