Another wonderful day of sorts. Biology thing still not fixed and worse I couldn't find my test. I also found my test number didn't really didn't matter b/c all the scantrons were different and matched with the test. Anyhoo, so glad that it's finally getting warm. Everyone's outside again and we all gather either in the concrete corner or the picnic table. Today Katie, Rachel, Russell, Remington and me all played volleyball. We played against some other people who sort of sucked, but not as bad as us. Rachel managed to serve the ball over the net and hit the ball in the right direction once. It was so funny. I heart you Rachel! I managed once to get something right (besides serving) and that resulted in me almost knocking myself in the jaw with the ball and Russell caught it from there and got it over the net. Remington runs like a girl, but he's not half bad at volleyball. Katie was the "professional" among us; it'd be funny when she'd get on to us about not hitting the ball or hitting it in the wrong direction and then she missed. We all got lots of sand in our pants and in some of us got it in our asses (not mine thankfully). There was a cute boy on the other team; tall, lanky, but with blonde hair. He had a big nose, but it didn't look so bad from the front, just the side. Then we all sat around the picnic table and Russell played the guitar and sang. He made a song about me too! Wisconsin and Crystal had a cookout w/ some other people; I got a baked potato out of it. Then we found out that DPS found drug or some kind of paraphanelia in Cliff and Logan's room, obviously it was Logan's as he's the pot head. Cliff to move out and into an empty room; only down side is the light wasn't working. We all helped him move out. Rachel just came in her two seconds ago, and we ended up in a very interesting conversation where neither of us was listening to what the other was saying, but still kept talking anyways. I'm so excited over seeing the pics of the touring cast of "Wicked." Glinda's new engagement ball gown is beautiful! And Stephanie Block is beautiful as Elphaba! I heard she's pretty good too, and then some say she's not so good. Kind of like Shoshana; some say both are kind of "poppy." I don't know as I've heard neither. I'm so in love with David Ayers, the new Broadway Fiyero though. He played Feyedka in Fiddler here at Actors Theatre in Louisville! I lent Rachel Wicked (the book); I feel so sad and lost and empty without it. I have my "copy of the show though." And that reminds me I need to call the guy about getting a copy of Midsummer. I also need to make out a class schedule for next semester to see if I'll be over any or not. Registration starts next week. I won't register 'til two weeks later starting at 8 AM! Speaking of 8 AM, shit! I have a bio lab tomorrow at 8 and I gotta read my thing. It's not a lot though. Then I have to read my phil after that b/c we have a quiz tomorrow. May not get to go gallery hopping tomorrow w/ Rachel as she may have to go home to get her computer fixed; it won't turn on. I can still go w/ Ty-Juana; we can take the TARC downtown and then trolleys will take us wherever else. I'm hungry. I need to eat some and then take a shower and read my bio. Means I probably won't go to be 'til 2 at the earliest. Damn. Always happens.
Lan whispered @ 1:20 AM Eastern
I'm almost over this cold deal. I'm feelin' a tad queasy right now, so I'm hoping I didn't catch your stomach flu virus Rachel. Rachel! OH NO!!! I broke my Lent thing last night!!! Me and my love for chocolate pudding. Well, it's not like I gave in to temptation, I just forgot! I mean if it were a chocolate bar or something, my memory would triggered. But my brain goes out the window when I come in contact with chocolate pudding. Oh well, I'll just deprive myself of it on Sunday to make up for it. Anyhoo, if you don't become an RA, you should so room with me. Our fridge and shelves would be forever stocked with food, chocolate pudding and milk among them. Ty-Juana and I are planning to make homemade chicken soup this weekend. I was telling her how sick the rest of my family had gotten lately. She and I are both used to everyone around us being sick, and us not being sick. Then us getting sick after everyone else is done being sick. Well, I've been sick, but it's not been half as bad as my sister, mom, dad, and stepmom. My sister has the flu I think; she had a fever the other day and one of the office ladies took her to the doctor since mom wasn't there. She even offered to stay with Mai, but Mai said no. My mom's friend checked up on her, and her friend Elizabeth's mom made her chicken soup. I always wondered why my sister would play with anyone who was willing to play with here; she never thought she was too old to play with little kids. Now, I'm grateful she does. Her younger friends are a hell of a lot better than her friends her own age. I don't see any of them calling to see if she's ok or making and bringing her chicken soup. I got a call from Mom today finally. She wanted to make sure I was ok. She's a bit a better but still can't sleep. My dad called yesterday and wanted to make sure I was ok too after talking with Mai. He and my stepmom both came down with the stomach flu. They're better now. Oh damn!!! Just broke my Lent thing again!!! That's DOUBLE!!! I've just been downing chocolate teddy grahams like nobody's business since like two seconds ago!! Do I need to make myself a sign that says no chocolate and write it on everything that has chocolate in it? Or just tattoo it to my forehead?! Tattoos can be sexy, and a tattoo that reminds me to do something good could be a double benefit. That's another sunday without chocolate. I went through all last Lent without eating ice cream at all even on Sunday, how can I not do it this year?! Oh well. I need to do homework. I just got done having a long conversation with Ty-Juana who invited me to go to the practice room with her. I just don't feel like doing piano right now though, plus it's cold outside. I'm hungry again. I think that's what the queasiness was from. It went away after I starting eating the teddy grahams. Now, my tummy just has that empty feeling in it. Ok, back to lab reports, philosophy readings, and math homework and biology readings.
Lan whispered @ 11:36 PM Eastern
So, I've decided I don't loathe this day after all, and never will so long as there are people to love me and who I love!!! This has been the best Valentine's Day EVER!!! I just raked in everything big time!!! I have the best friends in the world, so forget a boyfriend!!! So let's recap my day: 1.) CIS- Boring, lots of work to do before lab on Wed., did fine on the quiz 2.)Skipped Phil to study for Math Test while immersing myself in Josh Groban music 3.) Went to lunch with Rachel and got my first valentine of the day. It was pretty, glittery, and HOMEMADE! 4.)Took vitamins and cough syrup and went back to studying with Josh Groban music 5.)Took test, did bad. 6.)Took a LONG nap, and got woken up by my cell phone. Tama called to wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day!" Talked with her for a little while, which was great. 7.)Found a bunch of candy grams hanging on my doorknob. 8.)Started easy power point homework for CIS 9.)Left to go meet Cara to eat out at Mai's Thai 10.)Got a rose from Cara (love her!) 11.)Left for Mai's Thai, ended up in Clarksville twice when we wanted to go to Jeffersonville, but finally got there in the end. 12.)Ate good food and drank Thai tea. Very good, authentic, and spicy! Got a tiny pink silk rose from the lady working at the cash register and a sucker. She gave me that b/c she thought I was much younger than I am. She asked my age, I told her, she was shocked and laughed, but was really nice. 13.)Came back and found my mom has gone to Vande already and is being taken care of. :) 14.)Came back talked with Brad about our sales of ass-less pants and hugs. Talked to Dan about how all the sorority girls want to meet him, the "cute Triangle." 15.)Got a knock on my door from Cassie telling me Cliff had a surprise for me downstairs. Go downstairs to receive a bouquet of giant fake, but pretty, daffodils and a big hug. He tried but couldn't find me dogwoods to wear in my hair (I went on a long spiel last night about how I wanted flowers that weren't roses, and wanted the dogwoods to bloom so I could pick & wear the flowers in my hair). 16.)Back up to talking and find out Dan has a present for me too, only I have to go up to UK to get it. 17.)And now I'm sitting here writing this when I should be doing something useful, like reading for Biology, practicing piano, reading philosophy, etc. So to everyone Happy Valentine's Day. To all my friends: I HEART YOU ALL! Kisses and Hugs to you all too! Oh other stuff I forgot to mention that are equally as important or mentionable. Emily sent me a sweet PERSONAL (not some lame forward) email about how much she cared about all her friends. And Tyler aka Walt's GSP Roommate aka my Senior Prom Date (don't even say anything) sent me a valentine...
Lan whispered @ 11:36 PM Eastern
So I am home this weekend. It was kind of a sporadic move. I probably wouldn't have gotten the nerve to do it if it weren't for Ty-Juana's motivation. Last night I found out how bad things are really getting, and it really upset me some. My mom can't sleep period and has been off work for at least two weeks now. My sister is ready to spaz. She had to take a two month leave of absence from work, so she could stay home more and be there in case something happend to my mom. She's had to take care of herself and mom for a while now. I got a ride from Cory (aka Catholic Boy for those of you who don't know) and he was super nice. Uber cute but taken. *sigh* He gave me a big hint today (I guess he was thinking I was still somewhat hung up on him, which I am NOT; gave up a WHILE AGO). We were just talking about relationships and clinginess and dating friends and stuff, and then he goes "I know one of my good friends really likes me but I'm not attracted to her." He then went into this long spiel and tangent about how he's not vain and by "not attracted" he didn't mean she was ugly or didn't like her personality, he just didn't have "thing" for her. I'm like I get what you mean; I didn't say outright I can take a hint. Most of the ride was pleasant and fun though. He's a great guy, and really came through for me. Anyhoo, back to home. It SUCKS. My mom is like majorly depressed. I listened to her talking to my aunt today on the phone, and she said the insomnia and depression reoccurred about six months ago when her brother called and said he couldn't sleep. I think she got paranoid thinking it could come back, and that stressed her out. Then I haven't been home since I moved back in early January. My sister said it had gotten real bad since then. Then my sister kept giving me evil looks everytime I tried to get close to my mom. She said it was my fault for being in the stupid play and that I didn't do anything and should just go away. And I'm like HOW CAN I?!! I'M IN FUCKING LOUISVILLE IN FUCKING SCHOOL AND DON'T FUCKING DRIVE THERE I'M SORRY!!! (That I do mean. Cory chided me for saying "I'm sorry" too much; he said it's become like a common phrase and has lost its original meaning most of the time it's used) My mother said no one was to blame. Then she broke down and asked what she did wrong for God to punish her. My sister said she'd been praying and wrote a letter to God (she's 16, but mentality in situations like these is much younger)and that God is probably just testing my mom. I didn't say anything, but I've been praying and trying to be as good a Christian I can be. Then my sister told me later that she thought God might be punishing her for not reading the Bible. I bet I know where she got that from. Her little uber pseudo Christian preppy friends who go to church, socialize, and pretend to be good all sunday then go out and live immoral lives during the rest of the week!!! Sometimes I don't know about this whole God/religion deal. There's so much I don't know and have been told, It's all confusing and jumbled up. My heart tells me that God is all loving, and that he's also forgiving. Yet sometimes I want to doubt or I just don't think about the issue of whether he exists or not. Somedays it's like if he exists cool, I'll be a decent person; if not, oh well, I'm still a decent person. Often I just don't know what I believe in. So my mom's not the best person in the world; she's one of the best moms/daughters/sisters in the world. She always comes through for her family in a pinch. God punishes only when one commits a grevious wrong (of course there you go getting into philosophy again; 2nd paper here I come). My mom's not committed any grevious wrongs that I know of; maybe by Catholic standards like not going to church regularly. I think she's been going to church more frequently now. At least a small amount of good had come out of this. My sister is learning to be independant, though she's far from being so. I'm just really worried that my mom will have to go to Vanderbuilt again (because when it comes to treating mental illness, paducah's hospitals are worthless). She may have to stay for three weeks, but if she has to stay longer...my sister can't stay with her friends forever, and what about Ty (Tiger my cat)? My sister refuses to go to my dad's though. She never really developed a bond like I did with him. She's always been glued to my mother's side. One of my aunts offered to come down, but my mom told her she had her own life to live. She's the anal, OCD clean one anyway, so that wouldn't work. So now it comes down to choice and sacrifice. Ha, funny enough what Lent is about. My mom doesn't think she's capable of taking care of us anymore right now. She's already made my sister memorize where the emergency numbers are at, the procedure on what to do if something happends, written out checks in case of emergency expenses, and worst of all made us know where her will is located. So is it fair to make my sister give up her life here when I can come back and go to school here and then transfer/or go to Murray? Even if I went to Murray, I still couldn't take care of her full-time. However, I can't necessarily get a high-paying job if I go to PCC. Should I be ready to make sacrifices like my mom did for us--to take care of our family? What sort of sacrifices should I make? I really hope there's something out there to help my mom. She needs both therapy and drugs is what she said, and not some BS group therapy from some lame doctor who won't write her a work excuse if she doesn't go who she only sees twice a week!! She needs the best care she can get and that probably means going to Vande for at least three weeks like last time. After she got back from there last time, she was so much better. I know this seems a cheesy stupid way to end, but if you have even a smidgen of sympathy or any love for me, send any and all positive energy towards my mom. Cast a spell, say a prayer, cross your fingers, make a wish, whatever. This is a freaking LONG entry! Oh my goodness, I don't think anyone is still reading by this point. If anyone is I thank for your time and patience. This thing is just getting me really upset.
Lan whispered @ 11:41 PM Central
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the Musical Fansite
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"Bow! Bow! To his daughter-in-law-elect!" --"The Mikado"
Lan whispered @ 11:58 PM eastern
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