Icehole and Quamp's tape comments:

***Please note- This contains some Spoilers***

So if you don't want things spoiled, don't read this until you've seen the movies!

 

Key:

Experiment # - Movie title (year movie was made) format of film (color vs. black and white)

With Short: Short name (when short was made) format of short (color vs. black and white)

 

These jumps do not work yet. L Jump to K4|Jump to K5 | Jump to K6 | Jump to K7| Jump to K8 | Jump to K9 | Jump to K10 | Jump to K11 | Jump to K12 | Jump to K13 | Jump to K14 | Jump to K15 | Jump to K16 | Jump to K17 | Jump to K18 | Jump to K19 | Jump to K20 | Jump to K21

 

Please note many of the KTMAs have tracking problems. This is inherent in all fan copies. L

Also, there's a lot less riffing and commentary in the theater of pain than in the Comedy Channel/ Comedy Central and Sci-Fi episodes. A lot of the feedback they got during this season was that the viewers wanted less commentary and more movies. Also, the riffing is supposedly 100% improvised. :\

 

Key on problems:

Tracking problems: Tracking lines appear or the picture tracking goes crazy briefly.

Fuzzy picture: The picture gets fuzzy and/or out of focus.

Sound problems: Loud blasts of static or other bad sounds not on the original track occur.

Picture drop-outs: The screen goes blank for a noticeable amount of time.

Color drop-outs: Picture goes black and white for a noticeable amount of time.

 

Pilot: K00 – The Green Slime (1968) color

Tragically never shown publicly. According to some blurbs I have read, the Brains didn't MiST the whole film; they took about 30 minutes of it to show KTMA execs what the show was all about. Allegedly was scheduled to be K01 but various problems prohibited them from doing it as the first episode. There's also been some confusion as to whether or not there was a hosting segment to this or not. Ward e says there is, but there have been other places that say there wasn't one.

 

K01 – Invaders from the Deep (1964 UK, 1981 USA) color

Originally titled Stingray: Invaders from the Deep. It's been said that this is 4 episodes of a TV series called Stingray produced by Jerry and Sylvia Anderson (whom the mole people were named after) in the UK. Filmed in supermarionation, (a process which marionettes are filmed like people with stop-motion filming,) it concerns itself with the exploits of the submarine known as the Stingray. Like everyone else, I don't have a copy of it. Sadly, nobody bothered to tape it while it was on the air. L Glimpses can be seen in the MST3K scrapbook. It shows Joel in the theater by himself. It's been implied that Tom Servo isn't in this episode, but a different, similar looking robot named Beeper is. Beeper supposedly only communicated in whistles and bells.

IMDB link - Invaders from the Deep

 

K02 – Revenge of the Mysterians (from Mars) (1968) color

Possibly from the TV show Captain Scarlet, this is another Jerry and Sylvia Anderson production. According to what I've heard, the main hero is a Gregory Peck sound-alike. If you've seen the KTMA openings, you've seen a scene from this disaster. It's also filmed in supermarionation, and the KTMA opening shows Gypsy, Joel, and Crow in the theater. It's possible that Crow and Gypsy were supposed to be the ones in the theater, and not Tom Servo (or Beeper.)The other posibility is this is from a TV series called Thunderbird 6, and was a few episodes merged into a movie called Thunderbirds are GO. promos seen in the MST3K scrapbook are ambiguous about this one.

IMDB link - Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons

IMDB link - Thunderbirds are GO

 

K03 – Star Force – Fugitive Alien II (1978 Japan, 1986 USA) color

More of the Fugitive Alien series from Japanese TV merged into a bad movie, and it's not any better than the first one. It also has the name Sandy Frank on it, so you can be assured it's bad. In the first half, the star force ship drifts a little too close to a star that is about to go nova. Only through the timely intervention of Ken do they not get killed. In the second half, they invade a planet. Standard bad acting follows. In the end, our hero Ken decides to return to his people and restart a new civilization. They can have him. It also appears as experiment #318, where fan copies do exist of it. This episode may actually mark the first appearance of Tom Servo, as he's shown to be in this episode in the MST3K scrapbook.

IMDB link- Star Force - Fugitive Alien II

 

K04- Gamera vs. Baurgon (1966) color

Originally titled Gamera tai Baurgon. Starring nobody important, our zero in a half shell first appears in MST3K format here. This Japanese film explains how Gamera survived his launch into space (see Gamera, next experiment.) A bunch of guys hear about a giant opal and three of them go to get it. They arrive at the island, and interrupt the natives' ceremony. Once they have the opal, they go back to Japan. The opal is in fact an egg containing Baurgon. Baurgon is a giant lizard that can shoot rainbow beams and freezing blasts. Baurgon goes on the obligatory rampage, and destroys property and kills people. Gamera has to stop it. Baurgon also has a cold ray, which Gamera hates. There's also a pretty Japanese woman who plays the role of one of the natives of the island. She, like many of the cast members, were chosen not for their acting ability but how good they look onscreen. About 1/2 the film is contrived setup for the short fights. Very bad dubbing and acting shoot this one down. The moral of the story – warning about the problems of avarice – gets completely lost. Stars nobody important, and all the Gamera movies were imported by Sandy Frank, known for importing a lot of bad films into the USA. The movie also reappears as experiment #304.

In the hosting segments, it starts off with Joel talking about what the film is, then movie sign. He gives the phone number (that no longer works…) and a message. It's pretty nice to them. Next Joel listens to a second message. This message says "it's like being in a theater with a bunch of rude Jr. high teenagers." Then a second message plays "Gimme more!!" The bots argue about the number 4. Next. Joel tries to apply chapstick to Gypsy. They then play a message relating to this. Next Crow explains certainly bodily functions in a rather strange manner.

IMDB link - Gamera tai Barugon

Tracking problems: 12 most of these (10) of them are colored lines appearing across the screen.

Fuzzy picture: 2

Sound drop-out: 1

 

K05 – Gamera (1965) black and white

Originally titled Daikaijű Gamera, Starring nobody important. A crash in the artic frees a giant turtle that shoots fire. It also can fly this way. There's an Eskimo that gives the people a mysterious rock engraved with the image of Gamera. There's also (in the Sandy Frank version only) a Buddy Hackett clone general that directs the US forces. Frightened bad Japanese actors attack Gamera, and a little boy named Kenny (I kept thinking "Oh my God – I wish they'd kill Kenny" throughout this) tries to convince them the giant turtle isn't bad after all. Gamera goes on the obligatory rampage, destroying property for no good reason other than people are shooting at him. In the end, Gamera is shot into space. This stars nobody important. It also reappears as experiment #302.

In the hosting segments, Joel explains that Crow is cryogenetically frozen. Crow says that he looked the term up in a dictionary, and that he thought it wasn't a good idea as he gets frozen. Next Tom does a critique of the Crow Christmas tree. The message they play asks who does the hair. They roll the credits to show the caller this. Next They take another call who suggests they hire Godzilla. Joel tries to gets Gypsy to do her Godzilla impression. They ask several questions about Ted Turner and his decision to colorize old black and white movies.

This episode is best known for having Joel doing all the riffing. Crow was frozen to be a Christmas tree. The real reason, of course, was that the man who provided Crow's voice, Trace Belieau, was stuck outside of the Minneapolis area with no way to get there. I'm not sure why Tom wasn't in the theater, as he appears in the hosting segments. The riffs are few and far between in this episode. The movie also reappears as experiment #302, where from what I've heard, it's done a lot better.

IMDB link - Daikaijű Gamera

Tracking problems: 11

Fuzzy picture: 4

Sound problems: 2

Picture drop-outs: 1

 

K06 – Gamera vs. Gaos (1967) color

Originally titled Gamera tai Gaos. Starring nobody important. Gaos looks a lot like Baurgon with pterodactyl wings stuck on it. Gaos terrorizes Japan, and Gamera comes and saves the day. There's also a sub-plot of a major superhighway being constructed, and the farmers who don't want it built over their land clashing. Add to it the requisite bratty kid, a nosy reporter, and you get this stinker. Once again, Crow is out of the picture, still in suspended animation and doubling as a tree, although Tom is in the theater with Joel in this one. Tom gets a different voice as well. It reappears as experiment #308.

In the hosting segments, Joel plays a message. The caller complains about too much Gamera movies. Next Joel gives Tom a new voice. Initially the voice speeds up, then it sounds like Dr. Ruth, then Kissinger, then Louis Armstrong, then Droopy, then Elmer Fudd, then Ethel Merman, then finally his new voice. Next Gypsy asks Joel to change her voice. They rerun the scene where Crow is frozen.

IMDB link - Gamera tai Gyaosu

Tracking problems: 2

Fuzzy picture: 1

 

K07- Gamera vs. Zigra (1971) color

Originally titled Gamera tai Jigura. Starring nobody important. Zigra is Gaos without the wings, but shark fins stuck on it. Zigra is also an alien bent on conquering the world from beneath the waves. More bad Japanese acting here. I'm starting to sound like a broken record with this, but nobody important stars here. Here we've also got the requisite two bratty kids, as if one wasn't bad enough. They're also at a sea aquarium, where nautical animals entertain Japanese people. Most of this looks like stock footage. They also talk about a magnitude 16 earthquake (never you mind the Rictor scale only goes up to 10.) They try to warn people about the evils of pollution, but that moral gets easily lost in a convoluted plotline, and bad acting. There's also a scene where a submarine gets knocked around by Zigra, and there are kids inside. Naturally, it's Gamera to the rescue. The people surrender to Zigra. There are also one or two scenes of Gamera spewing fire underwater. (How this is possible I don't know; I just relate them, thank God I don't have to explain them.) Gamera eventually gets Zigra onto the beach, and then beats him with a rock. This scene shows how clunky and awkward the Gamera suit is. Then it's roasted Zigra. In the end, there's a very bad children's chorus singing. This film reappears as experiment #316.

In the hosting segments, Crow gets unfrozen, spoofing The Wizard of Oz. Next The mad scientists contact Joel and the bots, telling them there's a Russian version of Joel that's more popular than Joel. This is played by Josh. Next Crow tries to cheer up Joel who's feeling down that ratings are low and movies are bad. They play some messages to cheer Joel up. One of them accuses Gypsy of having a speech impediment, and she goes ballistic over this.

IMDB link - Gamera tai Shinkai kaijű Jigura

Tracking problems: 14 (about 8 of these are colored lines that appear on the screen.)

Fuzzy picture: 4

 

K08- Gamera vs. Guiron (1969) color

Originally titled Gamera tai Daikaijű Guiron. Starring nobody important. Two kids get caught in a spacecraft and transported to another planet. Gamera goes to rescue them. The aliens, it turns out, are planning to invade the earth (probably using Zigra.) Gamera fights the alien's champ, Guiron, and then takes the kids back home to Earth. Guiron looks like (you guessed it) Baurgon with a slightly different head. When we first see Guiron, he slices up Gaos to pieces. Guiron has a giant Ginsu knife for a head. How Gamera survives in the vacuum of space (Let alone produce fire for propulsion) is beyond me. If that wasn't enough to turn you off, there's some stock footage from Gamera vs. Gaos in it too. In a very fake scene, Gamera does spins like a gymnist on the parallel bars. It reappears as experiment #312.

In the hosting segments, Joel and the bots have a visit from the mads. The mads tell them their ratings are lower than a snake's belly. Next Gypsy accidentally drops a weight onto Crow's head. He passes out, and wakes up in the Mads lab. The mads are on the SOL. Crow verbally abuses the mads. Crow wakes up as commercial sign comes on. Next Crow tells Joel and Tom his dream. Joel tells Crow it's impossible for him to dream. Tom tells Joel he dreamed that a senator from Indiana became vice-president solely on his good looks. Joel says that's not a dream, that's a nightmare. Next Gypsy asks Joel about what he dreams about.

IMDB link - Gamera tai Daikaijű Guiron.

Tracking problems: 7

Fuzzy picture: 1

Sound problems: 1

 

K09 – Phase IV (1974) color

This is a very confusing and slow-paced movie concerning a mound of ants that attack people. There's also something about aliens directing the ants to do this. Dr. Forrester is frustrated that there are no more Gamera movies (actually, there was one more, but they decided not to do it because of complaints against too much Gamera.) I watched this movie twice and I still don't understand it. It has more stock footage of ants than you can shake a stick at. It also shows footage of a praying mantis attacking an ant and vice versa. A good number of sequences (such as the ants devouring a spider) shouldn't be watched while eating. The narrator often mumbles, and you really don't care what he said. Another scene shows them directing a sound at the ant mounds, and the ant mounds break up and go crazy. The ending was very anti-climatic and disappointing.

In the hosting segments, Dr. Erhart talks to the president of Gizmonics. The president's not too happy about their misappropriation of funds. They call Joel and they tell him that they sold his car. He tells them he had a lot of money in his car before they sold it. Next Joel has the bots recite Isaac Asimov's robotic laws. Next the bots talk about what they would do when they get back to Earth. Next Joel and the bots play I spy. Then Tom hums the song Wipeout while Joel drums on the counter. This is proof positive that Josh can't carry a tune at all. In the end, Joel has Crow and Gypsy recite a 4th robotic law: Don't be surprised if someone walks up to you and says "don't be surprised if someone walks up to you and says..." etc.

IMDB link - Phase IV

Tracking problems: 4

Fuzzy picture: 3

 

K10 – Cosmic Princess (1976) color

Originally titled Space 1999: Cosmic Princess. This is another television show that was two episodes merged into one bad disaster This British offering was notable for having Martin Landau (Ed Wood,) Catherine Von Schell (Moon Zero Two) and Brian Blessed (the king in the first Black Adder.) Cosmic Princess is probably the worst of the Space: 1999 series. Moonbase Alpha gets caught in a web when space pirates suck one of the Eagles in. They then send the moon into a wormhole and the Eagle has to follow it. The villain has a daughter that joins the moonbase, and then turns into a rampaging monster. Brian Blessed may be good at being the foppish hero in a comedy, but as a dramatic villain, he's not that good. I think I might have seen this back in the ancient 1970's, but I didn't remember it. It comes from Space: 1999's much-maligned 2nd season.

In the hosting segments, The mads play football, and then decide to use an auxiliary transmitter to Joel. They're using the main transmitter to watch the Superbowl. Larry shows off the no-d glasses. They're cut with a tiny slit so that you can only see length. Next Crow cuts Joel's hair while they talk about the Superbowl. After that, The bots try to evolve after reading Darwin. Joel informs them that the only way they can change is if someone alters them. Next Crow tells Tom that he can take the expense of getting injured last hosting segment off on his taxes. Joel enters, and the bots complain that they don't like him claiming them as business expenses. In the end, Joel and the bots play football. Crow catches the ball with his lacrosse mitt on his head. They sing "We Are the Champions" VERY BADLY.

IMDB link - Cosmic Princess

Tracking problems: 9 (2 are colored lines across the screen)

Fuzzy picture: 2

Sound problems: 1

 

K11 – Humanoid Woman (1981) color

Originally titled Cherez Ternii K  Zvyozdam. This is a very confusing and bad Soviet film (Not Czechoslovakian as Dr. F says) concerning a woman who may be a robot or a clone. She was found on a space station that aliens made. In these scenes, watch for the bubbles that betray the film's fakery. The woman herself looks like a pencil with bulging eyes and a yellow brillo pad stuck to her head. The scene when she tries on various wigs is unintentionally hilarious. There's a female robot that was everything you hated about Rosie the Robot and Robert the robot. Once again, this stars nobody important. It also has quite a number of irrelevant scenes (such as the cat coming into visit the humanoid woman.) The commander has what looks like a leech stuck to his face for no reason. They take her back to the planet where she was created. It appears to have gone through a nuclear holocaust. There's lots of pollution there, and the astronauts make it rain. Then they put something into the local water supply to purify it, but it ends up ruining the local water supply. They try to shoot the humanoid woman, but she's too fast for the bullets. Once they run out of bullets, she collapses. We find out the people there want off the planet, and beg the crew to take them with them. There's a lot of foam that appears, and then it rampages all over the place. Humanoid woman tries to keep it at bay. The end is anti-climatic and makes no sense whatsoever. The music soundtrack wavers between classical off-tune instruments and a cat jumping around on an electronic keyboard. Very forgettable except for the many scenes where the woman clasps her hands backwards to create a barrier. It has the name Sandy Frank on it, so you know it's bad.

In the hosting segments, the mads have a cardboard cut-out of Elvira tied up in the background. They say the ratings for MST3K went up. They then decide they need a real stinkburger to send to Joel, so they go with Humanoid Woman. Next Joel and the bots seem to be running away from something. It turns out they're playing a game of tag. Next Tom falls in love with a blender. He talks to the blender romantically. Then Joel enters, and turns the blender on. He drinks out of the blender, and Tom gets angryAfter that, they have a tribute to Salvador Dali. They turn the camera upside-down and do a stretching and compressing of the images. In the end, they talk about where the Village People are now. Then they flash the number up again.

IMDB link - Cherez Ternii K Zvyozdam

Tracking problems: 6

Fuzzy picture: 3

 

K12 – Fugitive Alien (1978) color

Another bad Japanese TV show merged into a film concerning an alien who accidentally shoots one of his comrades who was about to shoot a helpless mother and child. The aliens were invading Earth at the time. Thinking he's a traitor, the army of aliens turns on him. He ends up floating in space where a bunch of earth people (from the Star Force) rescue him. He then joins the earth forces, and tries to stop the invasion. Meanwhile, the sister of the alien who died wants revenge, but she's in love with the alien too. The aliens are Japanese actors in a very fake looking blonde wigs. Especially bad is the alien woman. They also journey to an Arabic-looking place, and all the actors there are Japanese wearing Arabic clothing. In an important scene, they try to kill Ken with a forklift (something parodied in experiment #310.) but fail. In the end, the alien woman catches up to Ken, but in a very scenery-chewing way, tells us she can't kill Ken because she loves him. Then she gets off by some star wolves. It stars nobody important, and like the Gamera series, was imported by Sandy Frank. For some reason, Crow is not in the theater in the beginning. It reappears as experiment #310.

In the hosting segments, Dr. Erhart talks to Dr. Forrester via the phone. Dr. F is at a mad scientists convention. There he met a cross-dresser and set up a date with him/her. It's in Las Vegas, so Dr. F's gambling. Next Crow is missing (he's out of the picture from the beginning.) Then we find out that Crow has been disassembled by the others. Next they create conspiracies by suggesting that certain people have alter egos, like Tip O'Neil is Fred Flintstone. After that, Tom, Gypsy and Joel dance to Y.M.C.A. by the Village People. Gypsy wins the contest.

IMDB link - Fugitive Alien

Tracking problems: 4

Fuzzy picture: 1

 

K13 – SST Death Flight (1977) color

What would happen if you took Airport '79: The Concorde took out the good acting and plot, then put a bunch of has been actors in it, and gave them a bad script to boot? You get SST Death Flight. This film stars more famous people than any other MiSTed film. Lorne Greene (Bonanza,) Burgess Meredith (Batman, Rocky,) Tina Louise (Gillian's Island,) Burt Convy, John de Lancie (Star Trek's Q,) Peter Graves (Mission: Impossible,) Martin Milner, (Route 66) Regis Philbin (Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,) Robert Reed (Brady Bunch,) Billy Crystal (Soap,) Robert Ito (Sam on Quincy,) Barbara Anderson (eve Whitfield on Ironside,) and Misty Rowe (Hee Haw, When Things Were Rotten) are all in this film. There are samples of an incurable disease that infects everyone once the main explosion occurs. In the end, when the plane crashes, you don't really care who lived and died. Probably the biggest thing the producers ignored was chemistry; the actors really don't look comfortable being near each other, and each one seems to let their ego get in the way of everything, especially Tina Louise and Misty Rowe. This made-for-TV movie was bad all around.

In the hosting segments, Joel and the bots do a little song about SST Death Flight. Then they have the opening credits (many copies cut this out, sadly.) Dr. F has returned from Vegas with quite a lot money. He's bought an Austin fort this too. He also has the mad scientist gift basket. It has the Isaac Asminov body splash. Up on the SOL, Joel is drinking when movie sign hits. He spews out his water and hits the button. Next Joel sets up an experiment to simulate pain in Tom. They take him to a high level. Afterwards, Tom shakes with Crow, and electrocutes Crow. Then Gypsy has a cold, and it makes her sound like Marilyn Monroe. It turns out it was actually Tom throwing his voice. After that, Joel, Crow, and Gypsy play limbo while Tom sings The Banana Boat Song. In the end, Joel and the bots read some letters.

IMDB link - SST Death Flight

Tracking problems: 4

Fuzzy picture: 2

 

K14 – Mighty Jack (1968) color

Originally titled Maitei Jiyaku. More Japanese offerings concerning a group of secret agents fighting a terrorist organization called Q. Q kidnaps an important person in Paris, named Mr. Atari, and Mighty Jack has to rescue him. This film tried to cash in on the James Bond mania of the late 1960's. Unlike the Albert Broccoli offerings, there are no good actors, much of the sexual overtones, or imagination-inspiring gadgets here. Among Mighty Jack's gadgets is an obviously model-sized submarine. There are several repeated scenes of launching this sub that drag the film's pace to a grinding halt. Also has pretty slow pacing when it does move and lots of repeated footage. The best gadget is ice that doesn't melt. Q's headquarters turns out to be a glacier of non-melting ice.

Starring nobody important, and imported by Sandy Frank. It reappears as experiment #314.

In the hosting segments, Dr. Erhart & Dr. Forrester argue about change. Joel listens in, and we find out Dr. Erhart had a casserole in the oven since then. Next the bots have welded themselves together accidentally. Joel tells them it would be funny only if they were wearing women's underwear. They go offstage, then return wearing women's underwear. Next the bots watch an episode of Small Wonder and debate what is funny. They agree the show isn't. Next the bots go bowling. Crow has a 7-10 split that he picks up. In the end, they read some letters.

IMDB link - Maitei Jyakku

Tracking problems: 2

Fuzzy picture: 2

 

K15 – Superdome (1978) color

This is a made-for-TV football film that doesn't have any football in it. What it concerns is a terrorist plot to turn the Superbowl into a nightmare. The mob has a lot of money bet on one team, so they have people terrorize the other team, and one of the coaches for the other team gets murdered. Then the mob sabotages one of the tubs in the locker rooms of the team they’ve bet against. The Superbowl is in New Orleans on this year, hence the name Superdome. David Janssen, Ken Howard, Donna Mills, Tom Selleck, Dick Butkus, Jane Wyatt and Bubba Smith appear in this film. How Tom's career recovered to go into Magnum, P.I. and Three Men and a Baby is beyond me. We've also got a lot of African-American 70's stereotypes here. Poor lighting in places doesn't help either.

In the hosting segments, Tom types a letter to nobody. Flashback to Tom trying to convince the Mads to get them to bring the SOL down. Crow comes in and ruins everything. Next they flashback to a scene where Joel sets up an experiment to simulate pain. The top level is equivalent to watching the Arsenio Hall show with guests Brooke Shields, Jackie Collins, and the curator from the Milwaukee Zoo. After getting shocked, Tom shakes hands with Crow and shocks Crow. Next they flashback to an angry and smoking Joel berating the bots for things they did. Next they have a montage of various things that were previously done in hosting segments. Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" plays.

Please note that this copy, like all fan copies, does not have the final hosting segment or end credits.

IMDB link - Superdome

Tracking problems: 3

Fuzzy picture: 3

 

K16 – City on Fire (1979) color

This Canadian disaster stars Leslie Nielson, Ava Gardener Henry Fonda and Shelly Winters. It's lead, however, is Barry Newman. Ava is a reporter; Leslie is her lover, the mayor and a gubernatorial candidate, and Henry is the fire chief. Some kids smoke, and then start a fire ever during a drought. There's also a disgruntled worker who causes a refinery in the center of town to explode. Leslie gets caught in a firestorm that surrounds a newly constructed hospital. Ava helps a pregnant woman give birth during the firestorm. Shelly is a nurse at the hospital. She ends up getting a falling flaming gangplank while trying to save someone. In the end, a tent city comes up from the rubble. Barry and Ava fall in love. Henry says that it only takes one man to start everything going. This moral is lost in the film.

Leslie Nielson is definitely a fish out of water playing a reluctant protagonist in a drama. The Towering Inferno did the exact same thing, but a lot better. It's another film where the acting chemistry just didn’t happen. This episode is really the one where they start really clicking on riffing.

In the hosting segments, Drs. Forrester and Erhart get a letter from the mad scientist's guild saying that they're not mad enough; they called them mildly peeved researchers. They then discuss the film: City on Fire. Next Joel tells the bots they've been using too much WD-40. Then the bots get Joel to look through a telescope. They pull the old black-eye on the telescope trick. Joel doesn't get it. Next Joel demonstrates an invention of his: the hell in a handbag, something that would reappear in season 1. He tells them that it's his revenge against the black eye gag. After that, Joel dons glasses and a hat then does a military march song with the bots. In the end, Joel explains what would happen if they sent in for the MST3K fan club.

IMDB link - City on Fire

Tracking problems: 4

Fuzzy picture: 1

 

K17 – Time of the Apes (1987) color

Originally titled Suro no Guiran. Supposedly originally designed in 30-minute segments for television, it was merged into a movie when no TV station in Japan would air it, and released. I can't say I blame the Japanese stations for rejecting this turkey. Basically a woman and two children get caught in suspended animation and are awakened a thousand years later, in an era when apes (that evolved from humans) rule the world. (Sound familiar?) They try to get back to their time with the help of the last man alive. Pretty bad acting and a contrived plot shoot this one down. Again, it stars nobody important, and was imported by Sandy Frank. By comparison, this turkey makes the remake of Planet of the Apes look like the original. If that wasn't enough to turn you off, the little girl's screams and squeals are grating on the nerves, and naturally, she screams and squeals a lot. It reappears as experiment #306. In the beginning, Joel is missing and the bots do the riffing. Joel is floating in space, wearing only a spacesuit.

In the hosting segments, the mads contact the bots, and want to talk to Joel. Unfortunately, Joel's nowhere to be found. Dr. F messes with a Mr. Potato head. Since the bots won't let the mads talk to Joel, the mads send them Time of the Apes. Next Tom and Crow argue for a little, and then Gypsy brings in Joel's uniform. Next they show the intro to Invaders from the Deep. The doors close and then they show the bots. They talk about how reality gets twisted, then we find out that segment was pre-recorded. In the end, they show the cheap looking SOL with an obvious doll on a string next to it. Tom and Crow talk about how life on the SOL will be different without Joel.

IMDB link - Saru No Gudan

Tracking problems: 10

Fuzzy picture: 2

 

K18 – The Million Eyes of Su-Muru (1967) color

A Frankie Avalon movie without him singing in it? Apparently so. He stars in a disaster about a Chinese woman out to take over the world and put women in charge of men. She had her minions be the lovers of important men. Most of this takes place in a Chinese setting with an all-American cast. She also has a device that turns flesh to stone. Frankie has his usual wooden acting. It's something like James Bond, only with a goodie two-shoes actor in his place, bad scripting and acting. There's a scene where the female cast goes swimming, and it's nothing more than a pathetic excuse to show women in skimpy clothing. Joining Frankie on this disaster are Wilfred Hyde-White and Klaus Kinski. Incidental music doesn't help either. Basically Su-Muru wants to try to assassinate a man, and gets Avalon's friend to help out. The woman succeeds in killing the clone of the leader. In the end, Frankie blows up Su-Muru's island, and comes away with a blonde bimbo. It was a joint project between UK and Hong Kong filmmakers.

Best known for having Tom leave the theater midway through to work on some cooking.

In the hosting segments, they recap what happened last episode. The mads figure out that Joel is outside the SOL, and open the door. Joel and the mads talk, and then they tell him the experiment this week. Next Joel punishes the bots for locking him outside the SOL. Next Joel puts the bots on trial for what they did. They spin a string of quotes and pop-culture references. After that, Crow asks how Joel could survive in the vacuum of space. Joel does an acoustic stanza from the theme song. In the end, Joel announces the fan club has 900 members, and Tom has trouble with his mouth moving.

IMDB link - The Million Eyes of Sumuru

Tracking problems: 3

Fuzzy picture: 1

Picture drop-outs: 1

 

K19 – Hangar 18 (1980) color

Predating the X-files by more than a decade, this film explores the idea that there's a hangar in Texas where the US government holds an alien ship. This is after a long and boring sequence involving the space shuttle. The government investigates the ship, and naturally, disaster follows. The government tries to cover this up, and the pilots of the shuttle get caught in a web of trouble. Confusing and bad. It stars Gary Collins as a shuttle pilot and Stuart Pankin of "Not Necessarily the News" fame in a very small role. It has a lot of very cheesy early 1980's computer graphics in it. In the end, when Collins' character dies in an explosion, you really don't care.

In the hosting segments, we have another one of "this is the movie this week – Movie sign!" (Kinda boring, you have to admit.) Next Joel tells Crow he has to borrow some of Crow's RAM chips to calculate the best way to avoid a meteor storm. Crow asks a bunch of questions and makes Joel angry. Next Joel does a memory check on Crow, deciding what to keep and what to delete. Most of what he deletes are old infomercials. Next they find Crow's "first memory:" It's Joel turning him on, and Joel tells Crow that Crow is an acronym for Cybernetic Remotely Operated Woman. Then Joel tells Crow it was a joke. In the end, they talk about having the 1000th member of the MST3K fan club. They announce that the 1000th person will get one of the demon dogs featured in the opening credits.

IMDB link- Hangar 18

Tracking problems: 6

Fuzzy picture: 2

 

K20 – The Last Chase (1981) color

Lee Majors and Burgess Meredith star in this disaster. In this future, there is no more gasoline, although the way they use it in this film, you wouldn't know. There was also a disease that wiped out a considerable amount of the population. Lee Majors is a former racecar driver that is now runs the mass transit services. After getting fired, he takes a bratty kid on a nationwide joyride from Pennsylvania to California, somehow finding enough gas to power his racing vehicle (and this is probably the first two-seated non-stock racing car I've ever seen.) Burgess Meredith stars as a drunken pilot hired by the government to take Lee Majors out, but ends up joining him, and taking out some of the traps. Lee and the brat stop in a Native American village, and we've got plenty of stereotypes then and a very unnecessary massacre. If this wasn't enough to turn you off, there's also a harpy of a woman in charge of everything, and she's probably the worst actress of the bunch. She p-whips a wimp of a guy (played by Chris Makepeace.) There's also some cheesy early 1980's computer graphics here too.

In the hosting segments, the Mads try to make cold fusion in Larry's mouth. It fails, as expected. Dr. F tastes the material (ICK!) then Dr. Erhart tells Dr. F that was vomit he tasted. (EU!)Next Joel gives the robots in lesion in humanity. He downloads a guilt program into Crow, and it ends up making Crow self-conscious about his appearance. Next they announce the 1000th fan club member. Then they read a few letters. Next they read one last letter about how MST3K was better than the show that was on KTMA before MST3K.

IMDB link - The Last Chase

Tracking problems: 2

Fuzzy picture: 1

 

K21 – The Legend of Dinosaurs (1977) color

Originally titled Kyoryu: Kaicho no Densetsu. This is a few Japanese TV show episodes merged into a movie. A dinosaur egg is found by a lake in Japan, and it hatches. The dinosaur then goes around eating cows and horses. More dinos appear and cause trouble. The show also focuses on two divers who get caught at the lake when the volcano explodes, and they try to escape. Add to it a very bad Japanese country and western band, as if the rest of it wasn't enough to turn you off. For some unfathomable reason, they have a festival at this place while the dinos are on the warpath. 90% of the female casts' lines are them screaming in terror. There's also a hefty amount of stock footage of volcano erupting. Also has a lot of politically incorrect deforestation. It stars nobody important, and was imported by Sandy Frank.

In the hosting segments, the mads try to concoct a scheme of Joel is dead. Joel tries to shoot it down. The mads tell Joel what the experiment is, and then it's movie sign. Next they have the back door open with a scene of a kid against a field of stars. A large plastic hand comes out and grabs Joel. Next they parody a sitcom with canned laughter. They say there's a mess around, and they should clean it up. Next Joel takes a model Kentucky Fried Chicken (which would be later seen as the Gizmonics G burger barn) and an acetyline-powered model dinosaur (which the mads would invent in experiment #104 – Women of the Prehistoric Planet) to demonstrate how scary dinosaurs can be. In the end, they talk about what they're going to do over the summer. Joel tries to do a Bob Hope impersonation, but really isn't that good.

IMDB link - Kyoryu: Kaicho No Densetsu

Tracking problems: 5

Fuzzy picture: 2

Color drop-outs: 1

 

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