| An Unusual Daily Devotion I sit blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I do not move. Neither do I sleep. Sometimes I stare at my bare feet, uncurl my toes. It does little good. The questions are there, still. They are but single words: how. why. But I think I am outmastered. Sometimes I know they are there. Sometimes they wait below my conscious thoughts. But they never leave, so I will not back down. A part of me knows that questions are signposts pointing to something I don't yet understand. But they must not be unwatched. If they morph into doubt they will block my way. So I face them, trying desperately to read the signs. I line them up: Why am I here? Why has life changed at every turn as though trying to dislodge me? The blank wall answers with silence. All I feel is the weight of terrible burden upon small shoulders. When I cannot make progress the questions go underground. My unconscious thoughts take up the battle to struggle to understand and answer but they tell me little. And yet they carry on. Because the mind in times of hardship has been known to show an unusual daily devotion. Sometimes the worst question of all is "why do I have questions?" I was told that I should be content and be satisfied that things just "are". How is it I still find my self wondering, insisting? The signposts loom above me. There is now no doubt that they are there, every day accompianing me through every single breath. All I can feel, is that the unquestioning reliance that I could have before I can have no longer. I had trusted One Companion rightly, but the form of trust I had before is free for me no longer and I cannot see how I might ever build another kind of trust which might withstand more storms. Still wrapped in my blanket, I find the words of many others whose questions would not them go. With caution I begin to uncover the questions that have lain and hidden assailing me unawares. But now they are there printed in the light of my bedside lamp. I find the understandings those before me have reached as they finally made it past the signposts, and finally there I see myself. And trust is rebuilt stronger this time and I know again that there is One Mind in times of hardship that has ever been known to show an unusual daily Devotion. --Redwing |
| An Unusual Daily Devotion: a poem by Redwing |
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