| It all started August 10,2002, when an egg and sperm met. At that point I didn't realize I was pregnant until two weeks later when I was a day late. I kept telling myself that it was nothing, that I was late and my period has not arrived because of stress. After 5 days of not starting my period I decided to test. I was so nervous as I was afraid I would get a negative result. That morning, Ashlie (my 10 year old daughter) asked me when we were going to have another baby. I finally told her that we were waiting to see. I didn't want to lie to her. David came home from work that night with a test kit. Ashlie kept on bugging me to go and test. I was so nervous. What would I do if the test came out negative? I didn't want my heart broken any more. I have already had 5 losses. I tried not to get my hopes up. I went into the bathroom and pee'd on the stick. I turned the stick over so that I would not be able to read it before the alotted time. Finally I got my nerve up to look by telling myself that I was not pregnant. When I finally looked and saw two lines I was so filled with joy and happiness. Finally I was to be blessed again with another child. I dried my tears and ent out into the kitchen. David asked what the test said. I was at that point heading towards the garbage can acting like I was going to throw it away. I told him that it was not what I was expecting. He started to get a sad look on his face and I told him to see for himself. He looked and asked again what two lines meant. I told him that it meant that I was indeed pregnant. The kids were all excited as was David. At that point, when ever she would say the prayer she would ask Heavenly Father for a baby sister. I finally told her that it was already decided what sex the child was and how we should pray that this child is healthy and strong and can stay with us. With this happiness and joy about having a child in my womb brings also sorrow and a scaried feeling. Will this one be just like the rest or will this one be different? I know the next 9 months are going to be so hard . I have been taking it very easy. Not lifting anything. I stopped weight trainning, just out of fear. I worry each and every time I get crampy. I am making sure I drink enough and also eat enough protein. I don't care how much weight I gain as long as I am eating enough to build another body. There has been some changes since my last loss in December of 2001. We have moved out of the Funeral home for over a year now. I found out with my 6th pregnancy that I have Hypothyroidism and started taking medication. This is the first time that my TSH level has been at 0.00 before I got pregnant. Also because of the thyroid I have been taking Progestrone Cream for a year,once a day and once I found out I was expecting I upped the cream to twice a day. Also I take one baby asprin a day to thin my blood as two of my babies I lost were very snall for their gestation. So, I feel I am off to a good start this time. Even with all of this I have been a nervous reck!!! Everytime I go to the bathroom I have to check to see if there is any blood. With me there only has to be a very small tinge on the toilet paper (most the time brown) and I know that I am in the process of loosing a child. Finally I am able to see my Doctor about this pregnancy. I am 10 weeks gestation when I go see him. This Doctor is wonderful. He is an M.D. yet practices Natural Medicine. He has told me before with one of my other pregnancies that he is all for Home births and how they are safer than in the Hospital. Cool huh!!! He also knows that this home birth we are planning is an Unassisted one and he supports us 100%. During this prenatal (and the only reason I am seeing him is for my peace of mind since he has a Dopler and I don't) he checked urine, blood pressure and weight. All was good. He measured my Uterus and it was measuring 14 weeks. He also got the dopler and boy did I start getting nervous. With the 5 babies I lost, we were never able to hear their heartbeats. As soon as he put the dopler on my stomach, there was the heartbeat. What a relief to be able to hear this sweet noise. This appointment gave me great hope for acouple of days. Soon the days turned into weeks and the crampiness was still coming and going and so was the fear. I felt like I was fighting for breath under water about whether this baby would make it or not. It's hard to keep your hopes up after 5 Angels in a row. Every day I would praise my Father in Heaven for another day with this baby. I hated when there was an anniversary for my Angels' dates or the gestation in which they would pass away in. At one point I was on vacation and for a couple of days I would have sharp pains in my lower right side. I started thinking that it could be a Tubal pregnancy. Finally my sister told me about when she had this also and the Doctor told her it was a cyst on her ovary and it would just pop and be gone. Well that is what must of happen as soon it was gone and I never had that pain again. I guess it is very common. Another 4 weeks went by and it is time again to go see the Doctor and know that everything is alright, thank goodness yet on the other hand I dread as in the past my appointments were never any good news. Again, everything looks good weight, blood pressure, urine etc. My measurement was 16 weeks and I was kind of bumbed out about this as I am now 15 weeks yet I would measure myself at 19 weeks. I soon learned that I am measuring at the very top and Doctor is measuring at the highest part. Again, Doctor found the heartbeat right away. That was good news. So far so good. I was talking to a friend acouple of days after my appointment and she asked if I was feeling the baby yet. I finally had to break down and say yes. I have been feeling this little one off and on since week 12. I just didn't want to admit to myself as then it made the pregnancy real and I would have to bond more with this baby. I was trying not to bond as in case something were to happen I didn't want to get my heart broken for the 6th time. It was still very hard for me to talk about this pregnancy. It was hard for me to say that I had a baby growing inside of me. Once I admitted feeling the baby, then it became a worry for me. If I wouldn't feel any movements for acouple of days I would then start to panic. All I want is to be able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy in peace. There were times I thought about getting an Ultra Sound (US) as to ease my mind in knowing that this baby was growing right on schedule yet I know the dangers of this and so does my Doctor. So, it is just Faith in my Father that all will be well this time and that at the end of 9 months I will be holding and raising a live , healthy baby. To try to keep my mind at peace I would measure my uterus as my Doctor told me that as long as the uterus is growing so is the baby. Finally I hit my 16th week I started telling more people that I was pregnant as I didn't want them to think that I was just getting fat. I have so many people praying for me and this baby so that helps. Week 20 and another appointment. Again nothing is wrong. Everything seems to be going good. My measurment by my Doctor was 21 3/4 weeks. Then came the heartbeat. He was taking a little longer than usual finding it. Talk about starting to panic. He said that the Placenta sounds good. Who cares as the other times the placenta sounded good and my baby died. He heard the baby kick some, again who cares as with Lillie a week before she died she kicked hard yet no heartbeat for her. And then finally he found it. What a relief. DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!! I am getting a little bit more relaxed as time goes on. Once I hit my 21st week I felt like relaxing more as that is the latest gestation for my Angels. Also it is now January and the last anniversary was December 16, 2001 when my 5th Angel died. So I have not more gestations to pass or anniversaries until after the baby is born. The baby is moving and kicking more yet still there are some days where I will only feel one or two kicks a day and that I scares me. I can feel my uterus all the time and that is a nice feeling. We are all (in the family) feeling that this is a girl (yet I will love which ever sex it is). Some things are different. My hormones are going strong and I am breaking out and this I have never done with any of my pregnancies. We have also picked out our names. We are into three names plus surname. The boy's name would be (even tho David feels we don't need this one) Helaman Mosiah Adam Coyle and the girl is Eilish Ceana Mahala Coyle. We have also broken the ice and that is going out to buy some baby things. We only bought two sleepers yet this was a big step for me. There is so many things I need , especially clothes wise as I gave all my baby things away (the more miscarriages I had). Yesterday was so wonderful. I am now 23 weeks and I was awaken by my youngest son climbing into bed with us and during this time I was able to feel this little one move and kick. She (or He) has been so active the last two days, which makes me feel great. Hopefully it stays like this. I had my appointment this last Friday which was Jan 24,2003. Things have been going good with this little one. She/He has been kicking and moving move. Everyday there is activity yet still I feel she is pretty quiet. Just as I wrote this she kicked. What a joy to feel this baby move inside of me. At the Doctor's office I am always the first patient of the day which is nice as I get to have more time with the Doctor. I had the typical things done again, urine, weight etc. The Doctor said that there were no sign of infection in my urine yet acouple of blood cells. He said that it could be from the baby kicking my bladder. This still worried me. Also my blood pressure was alittle high, 130/83. He told me to watch it and take magnesium for it and also for restless leggs. He told me to watch for the signs of Preeclampsia and if I had any headaches to call him. This is not what I wanted to hear. I was measuring 4cm more than last visit, which is good He then listened for the heartbeat and had a little bit of a time finding it. The baby was laying transverse. This little one better change soon and go head down!!!Finally he found the heartbeat. I didn't hear it yet his head was bobbing up and down as he counted. The heartbeat was 135. So here I am leaving the Doctor's office kind of worried. The next day I had what I could tell was a migraine coming on. I get a sharp pain in my left temple, some times I will get nauseated with the headaches also. They always last for 3 days. This time it wasn't too bad. There was only one day that it got really bad. I checked my blood pressure after the migraine was gone and my blood pressure was back to normal. I will keep track of it though. Week 25 and 4 days. I have been watching my blood pressure and all is good. I think I had a slightly high pressure last time because of my migraine coming.. This little one likes to have my worrying already. I feel this little one's kick,hits and turns everyday yet some days I will only feel two or three kicks a day. This is when I start to worry and the doubts start creeping in about not being able to deliver a live baby. I know this is crazy yet I will be more at peace once this pregnancy is over yet I will also miss it. When I am not scared to death, I enjoy feeling this little one move around inside of me. I also get scared when I start to plan the birth or I start to buy things for this child. I feel like I am rushing things, yet I am 6 months along. I can't believe that I have less than 4 months to go. It has been so long since I have been at this stage of pregnancy and I pray I will be able to finish it out with a live, healthy baby in my arms afterwards. David and I have been starting to talk about the birth of this little one. We are now deciding whether to have the kids at home or at a sitter during the birth. There are so many things to think about. I would like this first Unassisted Childbirth (UC) to be just David and I as I feel it will help us greatly. And we could having an intimate birth as we bring forth this child into the world just like we did when we created this body for this child. The problem; We would have to find a great sitter who will not get panicky if we don't pick up the children in a certain amount of time and would worry if they would call an ambulance etc. We could not tell them that we will be at home yet my kids talk too much. Then there is the otherside of having the children stay at home. Letting them play outside, have plenty of videos and food for them and David would have to run back and forth between us both. The only problem here is I would have to birth in our room. I would not be having a peaceful birth as I will be hearing the loudness of the children and David could miss some important parts. Then there is having the children watch the birth and be involved. They would feel such a bond with this sibling and I don't feel children are too young not to see the miracle of birth. Problem: I feel comfortable with all of them being there and seeing me either naked or partly naked except for Josh who is the oldest (12y) and is my step-son whom we both don't have a very good bond with each other. I feel the three younger kids would be respectful as they all do well together. It is when Josh is in the picture that all the arguing and fighting starts and I can't have that during my labor and/or birth. Also David and I won't beable to be as intimate as we would like to be. We have decided that no matter what the kids will be involved in the birth one way or another. They are all doing something special for their brother or sister. Ashlie is making cord tie, Josh is buying the first hat, Brandon is making the first blanket and Nephi is buying the first clothes. If the kids do go somewhere then we will get them as soon as the baby is born and Ashlie will then be able to help tie off the cord with the ties she made. Josh will put the hat on the baby , Nephi will help dress the baby in the new clothes he picked out and Brandon will help wrap the baby up in the first blanket he made. I think this will bring a lot of closness with all the siblings. We are also going to do a placenta print with the kids. I think they will enjoy this. Around my ninth month David and I will be doing a belly masking. I feel that this is a great way to remember a pregnancy and what a special gift for the one who you were pregnant with to be able to see what you looked like when you were pregnant with him/her. David is planning on making a sidecar (bed that attaches to the side of our bed) for the baby. We shall see if it gets done.:>) We are slowly getting some clothes for this child. We need so much when it comes to clothing. We don't need too much of anything else as we will be babywearing so that leaves out a swing, bouncer etc. We will be co-sleeping so we don't need a crib. I will be breastfeeding exclusively (hopefully for a year) so that leaves out a high chair for now. I will get a play-yard as I would like to be able to have a safe place to put baby when I am going potty! So, right now I am looking at a play-yard, dresser (really need this), car seat (we are just getting a big one and not a carrier as we will have the sling). I think that is about it. We have been buying unisex sleepers as we don't know the sex of this baby, so after the baby is born we will have to do a lot of shopping. I am now looking also at birthing supplies. So far I have on our list of things we need: Birthing Pool (kiddie or horse trough) Lots of towels Shower curtain for the bed (just in case I don't want to birth in the water) Scissors (which I have) Music , candles, drink and light food Container for the placenta Chux pads Cord ties (which Ashlie is making) Olive oil and bottle (for perineum support, if I don't use water) Old sheets for bed Rubbing alcohol (to sterilize things in) Most of these things I either have or you really don't need if it comes down to it. I can't believe that I am planning for this birth!!! FINALLY!!! Friday Feb 28,2003 I had another Doctor appointment. I am now 29 weeks. As I was going to the Doctor, this little one decided to do a flip or something. I am guessing that this is what she/he is doing as it feels like my stomach is up in my throat when this happens. I got to the Doctor's office and waited but a short time. I found out that so far I have only gained 33 lbs. The nurse said this is good yet with being overweight to start with I don't like how much weight I have gained. I will have to work hard after this little one is born to get the weight off. David decided to come in this time to hear the heartbeat again. The Doctor said things look good with the urine, no infection etc which is such a relief for me as I get infections often when pregnant. He then told me to lie on the table and measured my uterus. I measured 29 1/2 so am normal finally. I guess my body decided to let my uterus expand quickly so that the baby had an olympic size pool to swim in. He then took to listening for the heartbeat. You could tell he was having a hard time. He found the placenta and the umbilicus yet no heartbeat. I really started getting scared as before we have heard the placenta with some of the other babies yet no heartbeat and they died. He said that this little one just keeps on moving and is in the back so that he can not pick up on the heartbeat. He told me that the umbilicus sounds really good. David was also excited. They both told me that they heard the heartbeat for a second or so before the baby moved again. Talk about bad memories again. He then told me to get changed as he was going to see about an yeast infection I asked about. He then left and David decided not to stick around for my exam. CHICKEN!!! When they both left and I got dressed down. I sat on the table waiting for the Doctor and it then hit me. I had to try to hold the tears back as I did not want the Doctor to see me break down. It was one of the worst days of my life. After the exam and I got dressed, the Doctor came back in and told me that everything was fine. No infection anywhere. I asked him again to reassure me about the baby and not hearing the heartbeat. He said that with the umbilicus it has the placenta sound and the heartbeat sound. He picked up the heartbeat at about 155. It is true as we have never heard the umbilicus with the other babies as there cords were way too thin. I felt a little bit better but not all the way until this little one started kicking again. Later that day we went and bought more clothes for the baby. If this one is not a girl , then I have some shopping to do after the baby is born!! This little person likes my right size and up by my ribs. My boys were never like this. I finally (SAW) this little one moved. I have never seen my stomach move with the boys either. I am having so much fun with this litttle one. I love everytime she/he kicks and moves. The only problem I have been having is my hips, most of the time my right hip and how bad it hurts to walk, move anything. I can't complain though as I will take any kind of pain to be able to have this little one. Next month is my baby's shower. I can't believe the time is going so quickly. It seems like yesterday that I just found out I was expecting. This is all so exciting. March 24,2003 came and went as I had another Doctor appointment that day. It is hard for me to imagine that I am 32 weeks. It has been so long since I have been this far in pregnancy. Everything looks good. The Doctor had an ND. with him as she was seeing things that he did in his practice,so the Doctor was very busy and was basiclly in and out so quickly. I am measuring a week ahead again. I think it iis just how this little one is lying. Heartbeat was picked up pretty fast. It was about 142. I asked the Doctor how the baby was laying. At first he thought transverse , because of where he found the hearbeat yet when he started to feel he said this little one is breeched. This does not worry me. The Doctor told me that this could change so many times before he/she is born. My blood pressure was very good. 110/80. I only gained 1 1/2 lbs this month, which means the baby has gained yet I have lost. Not that this is too much to get excited over as I started with this pregnancy overweight. The Doctor told the ND. that I was having a homebirth and he was here just for me during prenatals if this is what I wanted. This was my last appointment as if I went next month I would be 4 weeks away from my Due date and by then the baby could be born anytime. This baby is so funny. Every time I would sit down and play the piano this one would get up and start moving. I figure that either this little one likes it or is trying to get away from it. I have fun feeling this one move so much during my music time. So much to do and only a short amount of time left. Time will continure to go fast, this I know. May 2,2003 Boy is time going be quickly. I can't believe that I am right around the corner. This baby can come any time and be safe. Last month I had my baby shower. It was so strange going as I have not had one since Brandon 8 years ago. There was a good turn out and I (the baby ) received lots of nice things. I am slowly getting ready for this child. I have started "Spring Cleaning", which I have never done in my life and rearranging the house inorder to add another person in this tiny place of ours. Just yesterday, I received the Pool and we blew it up so that it is all ready and we put the plastic on our bed. We need to do something else as both Hubby and I were so hot and sweaty from the plastic last night. I have been taking an herb called PN-5, which has tons of herbs that will help get your body ready for birth. This little one seems to be moving around a lot more. She/He is still not up in my ribs like a lot of women talk about. This has been a good pregnancy besides my hips spreading early and hurting this whole time, but if that is it I won't complain. I need to get all the small items I want for this birth ready and in one place. I am excited for this birth to begain yet sadden as I won't feel the baby much longer inside of me. |
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| The Story of Hope, Dreams and a Miracle Coming True. |
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