This story starts so long ago.
David and I met when we were both 15 years old in Portland, Oregon. We lost contact of each other when we were 18, and 17 years later I found him again. I got pregnant 2 months after we got married and had a beautiful "big"(9lbs 4 ozs) boy. When my son was 21 months old I was pleased to birth another healthy "small" (6lbs 7ozs) boy. When my second son was 18 months old we decided to get pregnant again, as we both wanted a large family. It didn't take long and I was expecting. By this time we bought a home that use to be a funeral home. I was excited about this child that would arrive in the spring of 1999.
The nightmare begins. In late November of 1998 I noticed I was spotting. I thought it would go away, so I waited for two days. The blood was still there. Only enough for me to tell when I would wipe. On Sunday we decided to go to the hospital and get an Ultra Sound as I knew something was wrong. I sat there in the waiting room drinking my water to fill up my bladder. The wait was unbearable!! Finally I was able to go and get the US done. As the tech started the scan, I knew something was wrong as the baby was not moving. He then scanned for the heart beat and I knew there was none as I have had plenty of US to know what I was looking for. I was devesated. The tech told me not to get dress and showed me into the examining room. The doctor came in and told me that I was in the process of a spontaneous abortion. HOW CAN HE SAY THAT!!! I have never had an abortion and I AM NOT HAVING ONE NOW!!! He also told me that the baby measured 10 weeks gestation. How could that be as I was 14 weeks. I am thinking " so you are telling me that the baby died a month ago?" He then did a pelvic and told me that I have not dilated yet. He told me to wait a day or two and if I did not pass the "preconception tissue" to come back in and I would need a D&C. How can he say that. Can't he say baby? I am thinking through my uncontrollable tears. We left the hospital and as soon as we were outside I told David that I was not going to get a D&C. I have worked in Labor & Delivery and Surgery as an aide when I was younger and I know what they do during a D&C. For me it was too much like an abortion. No one was going to "Rip" my baby out of my body. We went back home and I called our Bishop to come over. He gave me a blessing and told me in the blessing that the baby's spirit went back to Heavenly Father yet this spirit wanted to come to earth and to try creating a body for him as soon as possible. This gave me some comfort yet I wanted MY baby. We waited for my body to give birth. Days went by and the Doctor called acouple of times and David told him that we decided against the D&C. I knew to watch for infections. I started taking Black Cohosh to get my body ready for birth. A week later on Dec 5,1998 I was having some very mild contractions (more like menus cramps). David and I put the kids to bed that night and decided to play chess. After acouple of hours I felt a gush. I looked and there was blood. I went into our bathroom and sat on the toilet. I was planning on birthing this baby at home as that was our plan if I were to go full-term. I told David to get some bowels as I didn't want the baby to drop in the toilet. I was bleeding for about 1 hour, finally I had to go to the bathroom and I gave a push and out came my son in one of the bowls I had. This was 10:00pm. I cleaned up and then took a look. He was so small. As I picked him up, he fit perfect in the palm of my hand. He had all of his fingers and toes, a tiny mouth with his tongue sticking out. I was amazed at how perfect he was. We put him in a plastic bowl and then into the fridge. It was too late to do anything that night. Two days later it was time to bury him. I found a small rectangle container and lined it with cotton. I then cleaned him up and laid him in his "coffin". What a joy to hold my son for one last time. We buried him in our yard. It was so hard seeing him go into the ground. This is not suppose to happen. Moroni is such a joy in my heart. I love you so much,
my precious little son. |
