| Back to trying again. It again takes me a long time to conceive. Every month when my period comes I sit on the toilet and cry. How can I not get pregnant. Finally the happy day was in April of 2001. Four weeks later I took a pregnancy test and it was negative yet acouple of days past that and it turned out positive and we were expecting. A baby is inside my womb again.After 3 miscarriages, we were so looking forward to this child. I love being pregnant. I was so excited yet very scarred. Will I loose this one also?, was my big question. I had a strong feeling that I was having a boy again. Is it Moroni for the third try? I felt it was. I prayed hard that this one will stay in our family here on earth. I was so shocked as from 8 weeks on I felt this little one kick. I knew that this was going to be my miracle baby. He was so very strong. I started buying clothes here and there. Not alot as I didn't want to jinxs this pregnancy. Time went on and everything was going good. I was getting bigger and had to move into maternity clothes at 3 months. I even wondered if I was going to have twins because of the early movements I felt. The kids were having so much fun with this pregnancy. My 6 year old boy would hug and kiss the baby (my belly) every morning and night and my 4 year old would sing to the baby every morning. Life was great. Then in Aug. 6th I was having "gas" pains (so I thought). I figured it was something I ate. I went to bed that night and in the morning I awoke early and went to the bathroom. Again, there was blood on the tissue. I think by then I was so numb. I went in the bedroom and woke up David and told him we were going to have a baby today. " NO" he said. I went to get all the supplies. Here I am 20 weeks. So on Aug. 7, 2001 I am preparing for another birth. We had someone take the kids for us. I started having more contractions. This started at 6:00am and by 8:00 am I walked out of the bathroom and told David that it was over. I gave birth to another tiny baby. When my water broke at 6:00 am it was brown again. After I gave birth and laid the baby on the towel I looked down expecting to see a boy and instead I see a girl. My daughter whom we have waited for so long was finally here. Talk about a shock. She was just like her brother. Brownish , gray tiny for her size and very thin cord. So thin that I was able to break it with my fingernails as I was waiting for the placenta to be born. I laid her in a container and got to business on the delivery of the placenta. It took 12 hours to deliver the placenta. Finally we got things cleaned up and had the kids come home. We told them that the baby died and I gave birth to a sister. They all cried. They wanted to see her so we brought her out for them to see. They touched her and said their good-byes. What a great way for us all to be able to say our good-byes. If I was in the hospital, none of us would be able to touch her yet alone see her. If it must be that our babies have to die before their time, then what a more peaceful place than in your own home. This is really concerning us now. What is going on. We had two healthy births and then ever since we moved into this house we have lost all our babies. We decided it was time to figure out if it was the house with all the chemicals that they used for 53 years for embalming (which we didn't know until recently). We had the placenta tested and everything came back normal. I did find out that I have hypothyroidism and this could also be a cause, as ever since we moved here I have always been cold. It's so hard imagining that I have 8 children... 2 step children, 2 birth children and 4 Celestial Angels. We are TTC and pray that we will have a "crying" baby sometime. |
