| Well we did get pregnant soon after Lillie. I was excited yet of course very nervous. We decided to tell the children as I figured if this one doesn't make it I want the children to know as much as they can about their brother or sister. This pregnancy was going really well. I started taking thyroid medication and was getting my thyroid down. Also we decided to move out of our house , just in case it was the house that was causing my losses. We moved into a new house in November and I felt very confident that this little one would make it. Again, bad news!!! It was in December and I was alone with the kids and again like all the others. I went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was just a tinge of blood. I was in great fear knowing what would come about. When David got home we decided to go see our Doctor. He tried to listen for the heart beat yet couldn't find it. My heart sank. We decided to go to the hospital and get an Ultra Sound done. David stayed with the kids and I went in. It was an hour long Nightmare!! They searched and searched and could not find the heartbeat or movement. I knew that my baby has passed away just like the other 4 have. Just a week before, the Doctor even heard the baby kick as did I. David and I went home in silence except for the sound of the saddness coming from us. It again was time to wait. About 4 days later, it was Sunday and nothing was happening, yet I decided to stay home from church just in case something were to start. About noon that day I started having contractions. Very mild yet I knew I was in labor. I had the bathroom ready with all the towels, bowels etc that I would need to deliver this sweet baby. With in the early evening the contractions were getting stronger. I was able to talk through them yet didn't want anyone resting on my belly. The kids were put to bed and at that time (7:00pm), I knew it was time as all of a sudden there was a gush of blood. I went into the bathroom and soon my little boy was born. He was so tiny yet looked way better than his sister Lillie did. I was glad to see that he looked healthier. The placenta took about 4 hours until I was able to deliver it. After all was done, I wrapped Isaac in a little, tiny blanket and took pictures of him. I also have a picture of him being held by a stuffed bear, so that I could see the contrast of his size. I took his hand and footprint also. I wanted to have something of his. Some people think that I go overboard on all of this, yet these are my children. Just because they could not finish growing in their bodies and Heavenly Father wanted them back home with him. They are all still my children. They were not a glob of tissue. They all had a heart and other organs, hands, feet, ears, tounge, fingers etc. They were babies only tiny. I love all 9 of my children. They are all a part of me and I of them. I have no idea what is in the future as far as other children. It is all in my Father in Heaven's hands. I am just so grateful that I am able to have these 5 babies at home where I can hold them (as also their siblings can) and mourn for our losses. I know if I were to go to the hospital and have these babies they would of just been torn out of me and then thrown away in the trash (I have worked in Labor/delivery and surgery before). I am praying for all of you out there who have gone through a loss like mine. May your heart be healed as mine is slowly begaining too. The memories, hopes and dreams will always be there though. |
