|Through the years I have searched for guidance.
For someone to be there for me. Someone who would listen and help me with any
problem I may have. Someone I could count on...Someone I could basically
call a true friend. Well, I failed myself in doing that.
I don't really concider it failing myself, I'd rather refer to it as
people failing me. Because to be honest, I was a true friend to everyone
who I came in contact with. I didn't have to know your name or the things
you've done in the past to be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen - none
of that really mattered. If you had a problem I was always there.
Now you may sit there and say: "What about family? Wasn't there any family
members you could have turned to?" and the answer to that would be no.
I grew up in a very self-centered, selfish, non-dependable family. My
mother took off when I was only a baby and my father took off when I was
5 years old. I do know my mother, I see her from time to time. As for my
father, I haven't seen him in 15 years. My mother isn't there for me like she is
supposed to be. Therefore, I grew up living with my grandparents - which to be
honest, wasn't all that great either.
Imagine growing up knowing that your parents had let you down, had took
off and just left you behind - with people in your face every single day reminding
you of those facts...Imagine your grandmother constantly saying how her and
your grandfather took you in and raised you, put clothes on your back and
water to bathe in, food to eat - making it sound as though she is just trying
to throw it up in your face. Well, if you can imagine all that, then you will
know how I have felt through-out my whole life. I never had anyone there
for me, my family was constantly telling me that I was a nothing and that
I was never going to make it anywhere in life - that I was dumb and stupid.
But all that changed when I got to be a teenager. 5 people that I hold
very dear to my heart came into my life at the age of 13...
You may think that it is difficult and is impossible to love and cherish
someone you have never met.....would you feel the same if those people
you've never met helped you up when you would fall just by saying
inspirational words? Would you feel the same if they gave you advice on
the exact things that you were going through but didn't know how to
handle? Or maybe they were there to teach you the most important things
in life that your family wouldn't take the time to teach you...would
you still feel the same then?
That is what the Spice Girls did for me. They came in to my life and no,
at first, I didn't think that I would become who I am today just by
allowing them to step into my life...but every day I thank God that I
let it happen. I thank him for keeping me strong and giving me the chance
to come across 5 people who were able to change my life around - to change
my life forever. If I had never come across the Spice Girls, do you
honestly think that I would be the person I am today? Would I be able to have
the strength and courage and faith and inspiration to write songs? To sing?
To dance? To be able to wake up each morning and proudly say: "I am me, I don't
have to change to make others happy. I am someone special, no need to feel
that I can't achieve anything, to do anything. I WILL be someting!" No, I
wouldn't be able to do any of that and do you know why? Because if I hadn't
listened to the Spice Girls and just listened to my family...I would hate
myself, I would hate the world around me, I wouldn't want to be anything.
I would be a failure.
No one on this earth can ever take away what the Spice Girls have given me.
I refuse to let it happen and I refuse to give up. Because then, if I gave up...
Who would be here telling you these things? Who would be here to hopefully
someday get far and teach the younger generations what the Spice Girls taught me?
Just take a look at some of the songs I have written. I would have never been
inspired to write like that if I hadn't come across the proper guidance.
I wouldn't have been able to come this far if I hadn't come across the proper inspiration.
And maybe, just maybe...I will someday get that chance to thank each of the Spice Girls
for guiding me, for teaching me, and for never losing hope - because without that.....
my dreams would still be burried deep in the back of my mind and they would have never
surfaced. Thanks to the Spice Girls...I now have a door of opertunities
standing wide open for me and I will never forget them for that!
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