Introduction

Not everyone who self-injures wants to stop, or is ready to. For a long time I was in a position where I "wanted to want to stop" but found that actively trying made things worse—I would hang on for so long that when I finally gave in, the injury would be much worse than if I had given in earlier.

It was only once I was actually feeling better (in my case thanks to medication) that I got serious about stopping. A big part of the reduction occurred naturally without much effort: I just didn't need to self-injure. But in those times when I didn't need to but felt it might help, or just plain wanted to, it was good to have a list of reasons why I shouldn't do it.

To this day, I keep a printed out list to read if I need to remind myself. There is another copy kept wrapped around the objects/substances I would use to harm myself, so that I am forced to read it before doing so.

N.B. The reasons below were written by people who have been self-injuring for quite a while, as a way to motivate themselves to stop. If you do not yet self-injure, or have begun only recently, then in addition to the reasons below you need to know that self-injury worsens over time. Over the course of ten years, my injuries went from minor bruises through cutting to finally full-thickness burns. Do not wait until that stage before you decide you need to stop. It is easier at the beginning—if you get help now, or at least find better coping methods, then you can save yourself a lot of pain later on.

My list

Others' reasons

Some time ago there was a thread on the BUS web board asking people to list their reasons for wanting to stop self-injuring. Once 50 people had answered, I tried to classify the kinds of reasons people chose, and produced the following graph:

Graph showing the percentage of people who mentioned various reasons for not self-injuring

I'll explain the categories and give a few examples:

Please/not hurt family and friends (74%)
This was the most frequently mentioned reason, coming higher even than the self-injurer's own feelings. People talked of not wanting to hurt or disappoint someone, or of wanting to please them or make them proud. Mothers and boyfriends were often mentioned, but also friends, including online friends.
Own feelings (70%)
Of these, around half mentioned only positive reasons, such as "I don't deserve to hurt" or "I am learning to love myself". Around one quarter mentioned only negative reasons, such as "I'm scared of myself" or "I don't want the guilty feeling". The remaining quarter offered both positive and negative reasons.
Scars (54%)
Here I tried to avoid overlap with the "clothing" category. Many people said simply "I don't want any more scars". A few were more specific, talking of looking in the mirror, or beauty or ugliness, or of having reminders of past pain visible on their skin.
Clothing (40%)
In this category, there was a pretty even balance between positive reasons ("I'd like to wear...") and negative reasons ("I hate having to wear..."). A few mentioned specific activities such as swimming or going to a prom.
Physical reasons (38%)
Itching was a popular reason here, but also mentioned were pain, infection, disability and death.
It doesn't help, there is a better way (36%)
Most of these were statements like "I want to find new ways of coping". Several also pointed out the illogicality of SI—the fact that it doesn't actually affect the situation causing distress, but merely adds more pain. It is interesting that this category comes so far down the list, since strengthening this reason seems to be the basis of CBT and other talking treatments offered for SI.
Avoid doctors (24%)
These reasons including a wish to avoid A&E and a wish to avoid, or escape from, the mental health care system.
The future (22%)
Again, there was an even split between positive reasons such as hopes to go to university, and negative reasons such as foreseeing worsening over time.
Negative reactions from others (22%)
Mostly these talked about reactions from strangers, but a few talked also of friendships or intimate relationships that had broken because of the self-injury.
Practical reasons (20%)
Examples included the mess, the cost of first aid supplies, the time taken, and the need to carry implements around.
Moral or religious reasons (20%)
Most of these talked of lying being wrong, although some also talked of harming one's body being wrong in itself.
Number of days, being "stopped" (18%)
A couple mentioned counting days; more often the person wanted to be able to say they had officially "stopped" rather than just were "trying to stop".
Help others to stop or not start to self-injure (18%)
A number wanted to be of help or inspiration to other self-injurers. Several also were afraid that they might encourage others, particularly younger siblings, to take up the habit.
Not let friends or family find out (12%)
I assume most of the sample of 50 had already told at least some of their friends or family, given that not hurting them was the most popular.
Please doctors (10%)
I was a little surprised to see so few citing this reason, since it has been a powerful reason for me at times. However, a proportion of the sample have never seen a doctor about their self-injury.

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