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Plot To Hire Rodgriguez Discovered
April 22, 2003
A failed plot to lure several American baseball players was uncovered today by United States Marines who found $600 million in U.S. currency hidden behind a false wall in an Iraqi palace.

Brig. Gen. Vincent Brooks confirmed that the money was intended specifically for Texas Ranger shortstop Alex Rodriguez, who currently holds a $252 million contract with his current team.

"Saddam Hussein was definitely involved," Gen. Brooks said.  "With $600 million he could have had Rodriguez and Barry Bonds."

Intelligence from the CIA revealed Hussein's desire to lure a major league baseball team to Baghdad.  The creation of the "Baghdad Bombers" could have been complete by 2005, if war did not hamper the completion of a new ballpark in the Iraqi capital.

Rodriguez's agent denied any reports of the Ranger shortstop entertaining ideas of leaving Texas.  Rodriguez himself did not comment.

In an Associated Press article, Rodriguez had indeed agreed to switch alliances from Texas to Baghdad.  His contract, reportedly worth $400 million over the next 10 years, was to be paid upfront with cash.  He also allegedly wanted several 20-foot statues to be erected in the stadium parking lots and entryway courtyard.

Athletic shoe manufacturer Nike had plans to create a series of Alex Rodriguez baseball cleats, but scrapped the plans after the discovery of the $600 million stash.

Nike Public Relations Representative Denise Parkfield explained the abandoned plan as an ethical consideration.

"The current situation with Iraq didn't present a good time for the release of a new shoe," she said.  "We already have the 'Anti-Saddam' line of sandals, which already takes up enough of the marketing budget."
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