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Keri Lee:

 I keep hearing the tune from the "Little Mermaid" "Under the Sea" and my crotch constantly itches and burns! Is there any correlation between the two?

 

Burnin’ Ring O’ Fire

  

Dear Burnin':

Well it sounds as if you are quite the music fan!  Very often I find myself humming my favorite tune from time to time.

 “The Little Mermaid” is such a wonderful family movie.  Momma always tried to make sure that I was able to see as many family-oriented movies as possible.  Momma is big into family values.  She’s got such a good head on her shoulders!

 You know that itch of yours may be due to some contact with poison ivy.  Have you gone camping recently?  Remember if you must get back to nature, make sure you avoid certain things.  Momma always said, “Leaves of three, let them be!”  I know you think I’m pretty, but it ain’t easy keeping up appearances.  It takes a long time to look this good.  Why, one time I had grabbed hold of a wild plant that had some liquid leaking from it.  Being a person of my own means, I figured I’d use it as a natural moisturizer.  There are always people on the Home Shopping Network hawking these botanical beauty products – why should I buy them, when I can get the same things myself?  So after I used it, my skin started a tingling.  I was so excited, cause I could just feel my skin just tightening up.  Momma used to say if it’s a burnin’, it’s a workin’.  It was a burnin’ all right, but as Momma also said, “no pain, no gain!” and I always listen to my Momma, cause she’s so smart.  So I thought I’d keep it on all day.  Later on, after I rinsed my skin off – I saw these wonderful beauty marks all over.  Why – Cindy Crawford had nothing on me!!

 Good luck with the rest of your beauty makeover!  Let me know how it works – I always like to share tips with my readers!  

Hugs & Kisses.

  Keri Lee

xoxoxo  

 

Keri Lee:

I am a 22 year old woman from Wisconsin, and live with a roommate.  I recently went to a bulk store and purchased a 70 pack of tampons to save on money and those last-minute trips.  That was 3 weeks ago.  Today, Mother Nature reared her ugly head so I went to fetch that mega-pack of tampons to put one to good use.  Lo' and behold, I discover that there are only 18 left!  I’ve asked my roommate if she knows what happened, but all I get is “I don’t know.”  It’s just the two of us – I know she’s lying!  What could she have done with 52 tampons in only 3-weeks?  Should I call the police or an ambulance? 

Yours truly,

Stiffed in Wisconsin

 Dear Wisconsin Stiff: 

Well sounds like you’ve got yourself quite a dilemma.  That’s one mighty big pack of absorbent sticks you purchased there.  I too take after my momma by making sure that I’m getting the best value on everything.  Did you know she once was able to save a whole two dollars by buying a super-sized box of maxi-pads?  Only thing was that when she got home, she realized that the only thing super-sized about them were that they were for the full-figured size gals.  Anyway, I’m proud that you go out of your way to save money.  That’s real nice.

I think you’re real swell to share with your roommate.  She seems like she probably enjoys the fact that you are such a giving person.  Have you thought about having a little talk about the birds and the bees with her?  

You know those tampons are quite handy.  Why, they have many uses.  Momma was quite clever.  When I was a little girl, I used to get nosebleeds all the time.  One time, we had run out of tissue so momma gave me a tampon to put in my nostril to stop the bleeding.  That oblong q-tip swelled up so much, I was able to go out and play with my friends without the worry of getting blood on my sundress!  And, after lunch I was even able to use the string to get the food out from between my teeth!  My momma’s so smart.

I wouldn’t worry.  I just think your roommate has found some other crafty ways to put those things to good use.  In fact, she’s probably using that creativity right now to make something with them just for you.  You might wake up one of these days to find yourself a new dress, a halter-top, or even a nice centerpiece for your coffee table. I rather think the pink color of the plastic is quite pretty.

You take care now, and make sure you send me a picture of what she made you!

Hugs and kisses,

Keri Lee

xoxoxo

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