CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
 CFO -  Corporate Fraud Officer
 BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for 
 a financial genius 
 BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, 
 and the husband gets no sex.
 VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
 BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
 MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
 CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
 WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 
 PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.