New Stock Market Terms
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER - What my financial planner has made me. STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.