Joey: "Hey Tristan, Yugi here's teachin' me to play Duel Monsters."
Tristan: "Drooling monsters?"
Joey: "Duel Monsters, ya nimrod."
"Tristan! You were shoving into that girl like a girl scout!"
"Don't worry, you've got the ba-RILLiant mind of Joey Wheeler on the case, and I always get my man."
::friends look at him with narrowed eyes::
Yugi: "Let's just sit here, put our heads together and think."
Tristan: "Just remember one of those heads is Joey's so that's like subtracting one mind."
Joey: "Ha ha. Very funny Tristan."
Tristan: "Don't worry, we still have my Great Outdoor survival Guide!"
Joey: "G'head, Tristan, eat all the pages ya like."
Joey: ::dueling Bones:: "It was your ugly face that gave me the willies!"
Bandit Keith: ::while laughing:: "You gotta admit, he's got a point!"
"What is this, dueling by committee? Are you gonna play the card or aren't you?!"
Joey: "Hey what the, Hey Yugi. AHHHHHHHHHHH! You're a giant! Aw man I finally cracked."
Yugi: "No Joey, listen, your soul has been sealed inside your favorite card. You've become the Flames Swordsmen."
Joey: "I'm the who?"
Yugi: "And if you are defeated in this duel, you will be carried off to the card graveyard just like Tristan was."
Yugi: "In order for me to restore you back to your body and get us out of the shadow realm, I'm going to need your help."
Joey: "You want my help, you've got my help!"
Yugi: "Are you sure you're OK with it?"
Joey: "well I've figured I've lost my mind, but I'm gonna go with it. So who wants a piece?" ::turns around to Yami Bakura:: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Giant Bakura. Now I know I'm nuts. I'm like six inches tall, wearing a dress, about to fight my giant friend?!?"
Yugi: "That's not really Bakura, an evil sprit from his Millennium Ring has taken him over!"
Joey: "Well, I have no idea what you're talking about so here goes nothing."
Bakura: "My Millennium Ring is pulling in this direction."
Joey: "Well tell it to pull slower!"
::In the duel with the brothers Para Dox:: "Whadda mean dispair, that ain't fair!!"
"All right yous brothers Paradox, me and Yugi are gonna clean your clocks!"
Yugi: "Wow, there's chips ..."
Joey: "Dibs on the chips."
Yugi: "Candy bars ..."
Joey: "Dibs on the candy bars."
Yugi: "Fruit ..."
Joey: "Dibs on the soda."
Tea: "I play Wobaku."
Joey: "Hey, I taught her that trick."
Tristan: "By taught you mean getting schooled every time she beats you with it."
::sleeping:: "Mmm ... barvarian cream would hit the spot right now ... mmm ... glazes ... and ... cruslers ... in ... GIAGANTIC DOUGHNUTS!!"
::sleeping:: "Hey put that down!" ::Bandit Keith freezes:: "That's my pizza!"
::Yami Yugi plays a card face down under magical hats::
Joey: ::thinking:: "And I bet it's a trap card, but wait. Yugi knows me, and he knows I would think that, so maybe it's not a trap, maybe it's a monster card. But what if he knows that I would think that ... so it really is a trap? But what if he knows that I know the he kno .... ooohh, forget it, I'm just gonna attack.
Joey: "Hey, I got credentials, too ya know!"
Tristan: "On the other hand, you probably don't even know how to spell credentials."
Joey: "Gahh! You're supposed to be on my side!"
Joey: "OK, on three!"
"Put the rod in the hole, and we'll both pull!"
Yugi: "Well, the Millennium Puzzle is safe."
Joey: "And by the way, so are you, Yug."
Joey: "I call the sandwich!"
Tristan: "What about me?"
Joey: "... uh ... you can have the jello."
Tristan: "Just tell me what hospital she's in, and I'll go see her alone. You'd just be a third wheel."
Joey ::twisting Tristan in an anatomically nearly impossible position:: "I'll send you to the hospital!"
::talking to Mokuba in virtual world:: "I have got to hand it to your brother. This sand, it tastes like real sand."
Joey: "Hey Mokuba check it out that fairy turned you into a girl."
Mokuba: "Great, can she make you smart?"
"You know what I like about butterflies? THEY DON'T TALK!"
Kaiba: "Joey, you look like an overgrown monkey in that outfit"
Joey: "That's the thanks I get for comin' all the way here to try to rescue you?!"
"Now, where's the john?! I had like five sodas before we got in those pods."
"You can't expect me to lose to a guy with a dice stuck in his ear!"
"Yeah, Dungeon Dice Monsters are great, it's you I don't like!"
Blonde Cheerleader: "Go!"
Fat Cheerleader: "Duke!"
Brunette Cheerleader: "Go!"
::to Tristan on phone:: "You're the last thing she needs Romeo!!"
"I'm such a sensitiiiivve guy!"
"Huuuuuuuuuh? Amateur?! Didn't I just go and blast your best monster to bits?"
"Rule one in the Joey Wheeler rulebook: never back away from a challenge. Rule Two: always find an opponent with wacky duelin' techniques."
Joey: "Welcome to Loserville, Weevil! Population: You!"
Weevil: "I ... I lost?"
"Come and get me already."
::referring to Winged Dragon of Ra:: "Looks like your dragon has other plans."
Kaiba, how'd you like to give up all your teeth!"
"I'm gonna file this in the category of 'not good'."
"Only Marik could think of a game this sick."
"Are you here to talk, or are you here to duel?!"
"Time to put an end to Marik's evil … for good!"
Joey: "I'm gorgeous, I'm such a great duelist, I love me! There, how's that?"
Mai: "You are such a twit."
Joey: ::slumps:: "That was kinda funny, too."
Tristan and Joey: "Feeding frenzy!"
"It's like a horror flick out here."
"Yugi's gonna clean house now!"
"Old red-eyes won't be so tough when this blows over!"
"Goodbye Seal of Oriwhositz!"
Tea: "Yugi, are you all right?"
Joey: "Of course, he won!"
Joey: ::referring to Rebecca's appearance:: "And yet another weird even to add to the list."
Tristan: "Yup, and this one tops them all."
"Face it, there's plenty of stuff out there that can't be explained."
::after Varon laughs:: "Hey! I guessed I missed the joke." ::grrrs:: "Wise guy."
"Time to show you what true dueling is all about."
::thinking:: Come on, heart of the cards, show me some love!
::when Helmos awakens:: "Looks like it worked. Now I got one question, Yug. Is this thing ... friendly?"
"Helmos, you're on. You're about to meet my new friend, Helmos!"
"Hold onto your hairdo!"
Joey: "This is weird."
Tea: "Yeah, and borderline creepy."
Tristan: "Maybe we're safer on foot."
Joey: "Give me a piggyback, and you got a deal."
"Now it's go time!"
::to Rex:: "Why don't you get out of the way before I step on you!"
Joey: "How dumb do you think I am?!"
Tristan: "You don't want me to answer that."
Tristan: "That was your last monster!"
Joey: "Your cheerleading skills need work!"
"I'm on you like stink on an elephant!"
"I never back down from a challenge, especially when I'm fighting for a friend. Now, let's duel!"
"It's time to teach you a lesson Joey Wheeler style!"
Joey: "You think you could do any better? Take your best shot!"
Valon: "If you insist."
Joey: "Let me guess, you're putting on another funky space suit?"
Valon: "You're smarter than I thought."
Valon: "So give me your best shot!"
Joey: "You got it!"
Valon: "I'm afraid it's all over!"
Joey: "You wish!"
Joey: "Winnings about more than cards and life points."
Mai: "Please. Spare me."
"You may be under a spell, but you haven't lost your touch."
"I'm done, so give me your best shot!"
"I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake!"
Yug!" ::noogies Yugi:: "Man did I miss this spikey little head!"
Tristan: "Are you sure that's Atlantis?"
Joey: "Hmm, big ancient city looking thing rising out of the ocean? Yeah, looks about right."
Kaiba: "Don't you have someone else to annoy?"
Joey: "No, not at the moment."
Oh yeah! We're back in business, baby!"
"Uh ... yeah. I guess giant green beam of light marks the spot."
"That thing could pick its teeth with an Eygptian God monster!"
"I think it's that thing's turn to attack us!"
"Oh boy. Guys, looks like we're going to need a Plan B!"
::noogies Yugi:: "I'm never letting this spikey head out of my sight again!"
Joey: "I'm sure there's some other folk trying to take over the world back home!"
Tristan: "You know, the scary thing is he's probably right."
Tea: "All you guys do is eat and sleep."
Joey: "And? Your point it?"
Tea: "Way to shoot off the big mouth!"
Joey: "Who, me?"
"As we say in the biz, it's time to duel!"
Yugi: "Is that a Blue Eyes arena?"
Joey: "We're not dealing with normal people here."
Duke: "No, we're not."
::when lights go out in the arena:: "It looks like the Kaiba boys forgot to pay their electric bill."
Joey: "The good guys win again."
Tea: "I always like it when it works out like that."
"You're a little late to save the day, rich boy."
Tristan: ::on camera:: "Hi world, Tristan here!"
Joey: "No one cares!"
Joey: "Let's strut our stuff!"
Yami: ::thinking:: Right!
Joey: "You don't have to remind me how to play the game, just go!"
Solomen Motoh: "Apparently I do, Joey Wheeler."
"He shoots, he scores, he draws four cards!"
Solomen Motoh: "The odds are against you!"
Joey: "That may be, but my deck's never let me down!"
"Come on cards, let's rock!"
Joey: "Are you ready pal?"
Solomen Motoh: "Bring it on!"
Joey: "So why'd you pick Apdnarg?"
Solomen Motoh: "It's 'Grandpa' spelled backwards."
Joey: "I don't get it."
"Look, it's that pink-haired freak."
Tristan: ::referring to Rex & Weevil:: "Huh, what're those guys doing?"
Joey: "Acting like dorks, what else?"
"Hey buddy, Pinkie the Clown called, he wants his wig back!"
"It's Wheeler time, baby!"
Ziegfried: "May the best dressed duelist win."
Joey: "I'll have you shaking in your patent leather shoes, and the whole world's gonna see it!"
"Try to keep up!"
"It's time to turn up the heat. Ready?" ::volcanos erupt en masse:: "Eyah! Not that hot!"
"I don't know if you've noticed, but the duel is over here!"
"I'm still in the game, Ziegfreak."
Ziegfried: "Now it's one underdog against three divas."
Joey: "You mean four divas."
"It's official. He is the most annoying opponent I've ever faced."
"It took more than luck to get me where I am today, and I'm about to prove it."
Ziegfried: "So you're relying on luck again?"
Joey: "Look, I think you're scared because I never lose at these things."
::when the gang finds Solomen Motoh's been in a Chinese restaurant:: "You mean while we were running around like lunatics, Grandpa was eating wonton soup?!"
You know, as much as I can't stand Kaiba, anyone's better than that circus sideshow freak, Ziegfried."
"Don't screw this up rich boy!"
"In your face, Ziegfreak!"
"Leave it to Kaiba to make this tournament all about him."
"You mess with the best, you fail with the rest!"
Tristan: "Get a load of Ziegfreak."
Joey: "You cheat, you scheme, you lose anyway."
Duke: "I've got a date with Serenity."
Joey & Tristan: ::in unison:: "You what?!" ::tackle Duke::
Malik: "There's so much to talk about. Where do we begin?"
Joey: "Well, how about lunch?"
Tristan: "Hey, is everyone OK?"
Joey: "You means besides the humongous sunburn?"
Joey: "All right Shadi old pal, use that Millennium thingamajig of yours and point us in the right direction."
Shadi: "It's a Millennium Key!"
Yugi: "Hands in!"
Joey: "Do we always have to do the hands thing?"
"Just one question, how do we get out of here?"
Joey: "You know I can't run on an empty stomach!"
Tea: "You can't do anything on an empty stomach!"
::when Kisara's attacked::
Tristan: "So you guys wanna pick on someone, eh?"
Joey: "So pick on us!"
Joey & Tristan: ::in unison:: "Then we'll pick on you!"
Priest Seth arrives::
Tea: "No way!"
Joey: "Double no way!"
::Slifer emerges from the palace, following Pharaoh Atem and Bakura::
Bombasa: "And that is a big, red dragon!"
Joey: "This sort of thing used to surprise me, but now ... not so much."
::to Bombasa:: "Have you ever thought about a trip to the gym?"
::as Bombasa heads towards the Nile:: "Bombasa, whatever you do, do not do a cannon ball!"
::to Bombasa:: "Will you stop thinking with your stomach for once?"
::running to the palace:: "There'd better be a bathroom in there!"
::frozen in time with a goofy expression:: ::thinking:: I can think of worse situations to be stuck in.
::shoving Bombasa:: "I gotta say ... this ... makes ... finding the pharaoh's name ... look easy!"
::referring to the hieroglyphs:: "Once again it's written in chicken scratch."
"I guess it's true what they say. You gotta hang onto your friends, right pal?"
"Come on pal, rock this guy's world!"
Tea: "Something's just not right about Bakura."
Joey: "You're just now figuring that out? He's nuts, and he'll always be nuts!"
Joey: ::sees the spirits of Bakura's monsters:: "Don't let them get me!" ::hides behind Tea::
Tea: "Hey! Do I look like a human shield to you?!"
Joey: "I'm not gonna lie to you, yes you do!"
"I never get tired of watching you kick butt, Yug!"
Tristan: "Bet I can take out more of those bad guys than you!"
Joey: "You're on!"
Joey & Tristan: ::chanting:: "Pork chops and apple sauce, pork chops and apple sauce, pork chops and apple sauce ..."
"Great, we have the power to fly, but we can't get a decent meal."
"This is great. First the Lord of Darkness, then these guys?"
"All right guys, name or no name, we got some butt to kick!"
Tristan: "You know, you're a lot smarter than you look."
Joey: "What's that supposed to mean?"
::referring to Yami:: "Look who decided to roll out of bed!"
"I may not have the answers, but there is one!"
"Say what?! Am I going nuts, or did Kaiba just admit he was wrong?!"
"All right, now I've seen it all."
"I guess there are some things we're not meant to understand."
"I go through half my life not understanding things."
From the manga:
"Geez! Only a girl would care about a box!"
::to reality show director:: "Are you asking to die?!"
"I don't know about the 'right stuff' ... but we're not the electric network!" (Japanese group famous for performing dangerous stunts)
We don't attack from behind like cowards! We come from the front!" ::SWAK head muscle hunter::
Jonouchi and Honda: ::holding a t-square in front of them:: "Panty tank!" ::lifts Anzu's skirt::
Anzu: "Yeek!!" ::turns around and punches Jonouchi::
"Look! It's a red-assed boss monkey and his pack!"
Jonouchi: "Yugi ... don't wear your school uniform on the weekends."
Yugi: "... why not?"
"Hey! Ya old bookworm! Take a bite out of this!" ::smacks his rear:: "My ass!"
"In my fights, 'fair and square' means 'anything goes'!"
Jonouchi: ::referring to their digital key-chain pets:: "Awright Yugi! Let's you and I mate right away!"
Honda: "I didn't need to hear that."
"Cut the crap, Kaiba!"
"You don't get killed by 'little games'!!"
"Listen Kaiba! I could punch in your lily-white face with my fist right here and now! But that wouldn't mean anything! Yugi'll beat you at your card game!! And I'll stake my life to help him get there!"
::to Yugi:: "Do you ever lose anything ...?"
Jonouchi: "Those who laughed at yo-yos ... will cry at yo-yos!"
Honda: "Whatever that means ..."
::to Hirutani:: "Sorry to disappoint you, boss monkey! I don't think I'd like it in your cage!"
"Anyone who stands still and watches a friend die ... doesn't have a right to live!"
"Our souls are channeled into Yugi's dice!! When we get mad ... the dice get angry!"
Bombasa: "There are traps behind each door. Do be careful!"
Joey: "Why didn't you say so?"
Jounouchi: ::after retreating from monsters:: "M-monster ... door."
Honda: "Serves your right for always charging in like that!"
Jounouchi: "I've been marking the doors with a magic marker so we know which ones we've tried."
Honda: "Cool! Good idea, man! Just like a dog marks where he's been!"
Anzu: ::mutters:: "Woof ..."
Yugi: ::sweatdrops:: "You're tagging someone's soul?"
::kicks memory door shut:: "You have to get over that! You have to be strong! Come on!" ::pauses by the door:: "Just what do you think your friends are for ... stupid."
Jounouchi: "Someday I'll show you the inside of my soul! It'll be wide open and bright!"
Honda: "Sounds like there's nothing there. Like it's empty."
Anzu: "Sounds boring."
"I can't stand guys ... who pick on the weak!!"
::referring to duel disk:: "Now you're talkin'! This is the best weapon for a duelist!"
::referring to Marshmallon:: "Can't beat the marshmellow!!"
"Yugi! If you're a duelist ... don't give up until you draw your last card!"
Joey: "Hey Yugi ... do me a favor, will ya? Could you take those Millenium Items in your bag ... and throw them in the river?"
Joey: "Just kidding! Just kidding! It was a joke!"
Yugi: ::mutters:: "Made me remember Haga ..."
::during final duel:: "Oh man! I don't know who I should root for!"
::thinking:: Oh crap!
"Two against this one! This ain't fair! I can't watch!"
Joey: "Yugi!! Even if you're a king, you're still Yugi! Even if a thousand years pass, we'll always be friends!"
Atem: ::thinking and smiles:: Yes!