Connecting with Loved Ones
On the Other Side

--by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D

"Why can't I feel the presence of my mother around me?!" a friend of mine recently telephoned to ask me. She was the second friend of mine in one month's time whose mother had suddenly passed away. Now she, as my other friend had, was calling for assistance since my counseling and writing work involves spirit communication.

She wanted to know why she hadn't seen an apparition of her mother, or why she couldn't feel the essence of her mother's loving spirit around her. After all, talk shows and books about life-after-death are filled with accounts of people seeing their deceased loved one's spirits. My friend felt abandoned, as if her mother no longer cared about her: She also secretly worried whether her mother's spiritual "absence" meant that there was no life after death.

After reassuring my friend that her situation was very normal and not a sign that her mother was "gone," I explained that there are many reasons why we don't always experience contact with deceased loved ones.

The main reason why people don't have spirit encounters is because they are, on some level, afraid of seeing or feeling a spirit - even a spirit of someone they dearly love, like a parent, spouse, or child. The spirit world respects our wishes, and if they sense that their presence would frighten us, they stay clear. In the case of my two friends who wondered why their mothers' spirits hadn't visited, it turned out this was the cause. Both my friends admitted to me that, as much as they craved being with their mothers, they also worried of becoming frightened at the sight of a "ghost." I helped my friends release these fears, explaining how when my grandfather's spirit had visited me immediately after his death, it was a very loving and natural feeling. Nothing spooky about it!

Another reason why our loved ones stay away is because they are very busy on the other side. Immediately after death, many spirits take a well-deserved rest which can last a week or two. During this time, they slumber as their minds adjust to the fact of their physical death, and the review of their life. Following this rest, your deceased loved one may spend some time getting to know his or her new surroundings, and have reunions with other deceased relatives and friends. Next, they may be assigned or volunteer for some work such as helping other spirits who have just crossed over. Or, they can attend spiritual school and study the effects of their life, or take classes that help them move to a different level of the afterlife.

Finally, in most cases your loved one has visited you without your awareness. After my grandfather's death, he visited with me for a few minutes and then he visited his brother in another city. My parents and brother, who were in another room of the same house during my grandfather's visit, did not see or feel his spirit, Could this be because they were extremely upset and in a brightly-lit room, while I was in a calmer state of prayer in a dark room? I don't know, but I suspect that most of us aren't aware of the majority of spiritual visits we receive.

I do know however, that we can issue invitations that encourage our deceased loved ones to visit us, Since many spirit encounters happen while we are sleeping, when we are relaxed and more open, you can invite your loved one to visit you in your dreams. Here is one good method which works well. On a piece of paper, write, "I ask for a clear dream that I will easily remember, in which (write in the name of your loved one) and I spend time visiting with one another. Put this piece of paper under your pillow and mentally repeat the phrase three times while drifting off to sleep. Repeat this process for several nights, if necessary, and you'll find that it is highly effective.

You can also invite your loved one's presence by going into a quiet room and meditating on their name. Put yourself into a calm and quiet state, so you'll be sensitive to the feelings of their essence in the room. If you get a sense that someone else is with you, ask for a sign that it is your loved one. You may receive a psychic impression, such as smelling their cologne or seeing their face in your mind. You may feel a brush of your skin or hair. Keep asking and you will get a confirmation.

If you find, like my two friends, that you are afraid of how you might react to a spirit encounter, l recommend prayer as the single best antidote. Pray and pray to be relieved of this fear, and you'll find that it does leave you. Above all, though, please don't get discouraged or frustrated if you don't have an encounter with your loved one. Negative emotions - even our well-intended ones - interfere with all our relationships, including our ongoing relationships with our loved ones on the other side.

Visitations with our deceased loved ones helps us heal from grief and reassure us that our loved one's spirit lives on in happiness and peace. While we must not get overly dependent upon spirit visitations - this can block our healing and can interfere with our loved one's need to grow and learn on the other side - it is wonderful to know that our relationships truly go on forever. What I always remind my clients is that “love never dies.”

Doreen Virtue, Ph.D. is a Doctor of Psychology, fourth-generation metaphysician and clairvoyant medium who frequently appears on talk shows such as Oprah, Leeza, and Sally. She is the author of I'd Change My Life if I Had More Time: A Practical Guide to Making Dreams Come True. To order, call Louise Hay Publishers at 1-800-654-5126. Doreen can be contacted at


Hosting by WebRing.