MY

ADVENTURES

 AT THE TRACK 

Wouldn't you love to see a jock do this in the winner's circle?

 

They're all in line!

Welcome to my bottom-level, claiming race of a horse racing website. When handicapping this entry, just consider me the worst jock in the colony, on the worst horse at the track, in the worst race on the card. (In other words, I am a clueless--but harmless--idiot who drinks too much.) These are my misadventures at the tracks of the South Florida racing circuit. Kick back with your favorite brew and read all about this chump better's lost days playing the ponies. But be forewarned: if you're looking for expert horse talk, lengthy handicapping analysis, or sound money management strategies, go elsewhere.

What your poor punter has always loved about the track is the human drama, melodrama, and comedy on display everywhere you turn, not the chance to make a killing on a can't miss, mortal lock, sure thing. (No such animal exists, anyway.) A day at the track is like a day downtown in a busy and exotic foreign city; you never know who or what you might see. Your tapped-out stooper (Look, there's a 40 cent voucher!) goes to the track primarily to drink beer and to ogle all the purty gals; I only plunge my brains out as a sidelight. So sit back, relax, enjoy that beer and watch everything unfold right in front of your eyes, courtesy of this juiced, blinkered and buzzered rail bird.

 

¿Qué dice el público?

"This was obviously the worst journal webpage that I have encountered in my life. The whole thing reads like a stand up comedy routine minus the jokes. The obviously illicit comments used as allegedly witty comments only serve to be offensive to anyone with any notion of social sensibility. And the racing jargon voiced within the diary, obviously meant to be hip, was quite frankly, only confusing. The author of this nonsense is obviously just a talentless jockey wannabe that is obviously striking out into the world of writing as he strives to make their mark in the world of entertainment without the benefit of talent." Obviously, my critic is, obviously, a very discerning reader, obviously!

 

Note to horsemen:

I actually put up this site as my humble means of attracting new fans to the majestic Sport of Kings. Yes, it's a pitiful effort, but consider the source. While this is clearly the web's worst horse-racing site, at least it beats your average, whining, boring, "My life sucks!" blog. (Or maybe not. If you happen to like neurotic breast-beating and soul-baring, keep surfing.) That's my competition--not drf.com. The names of all but the most well-known individuals have been changed for privacy reasons. If you recognize yourself, please don't sue, because the lawyer for Humble Fan Downs has been banned from the track for life due to making book on the outcome of the kids' video games.

humblefan@yahoo.com

 

RIDERS UP!

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