It is very hard to describe the grief of losing a baby to Edwards Syndrome to those who have not experienced it. It is also very hard for those who are going through it to understand it as well: we tend to think we must be going crazy because it is so unlike what we expected. One of the things that I found that helped me was reading and writing about my grief. I did this in several ways:
At times I also felt a great need to write grief poems, just not the rhyming kind. But sometimes it just flowed out of me; at times the best way to express the grief I was feeling and experiencing was through poetry, although I'm not sure everyone completely understands it. If you would like to read some of the poems I have written, as well as some that I found meaningful, please see the Poetry section.
Other times, I found that writing allegories was the best way to express my feelings. I am not the only who felt that way: Lore Schmitz, who I met through the Cristin's Prayer message board, also wrote an allegory that she has graciously allowed me to include on this site. The reason I think allegories are so effective is that they are stories or experiences that others can relate to or understand, and through them, they can hopefully understand things that we can't express any other way. Here are the three allegories I have included:
If you have Spiritual questions about your grief, see my section on God and Grief.
Finally, I have read and studied the bible a lot during this journey, mostly to see what God has to say about grief. And he says a lot! Often I referred to these things in my grief journal. I have highlighted several months where I wrote quite a bit about my relationship with God in my grief. These months are noted in the Where is God in our Grief? section.
All of these things helped me do my grief work. Many people say that time heals all wounds, but that's not true. It's what we do during that time that heals us. For sure, we can't shortcut the time, but time alone won't do it. We must work at our grief, thus the term grief work. What does that mean? It means feeling the emotions, the pain and sadness, and not denying the feelings. It is often easier to try to avoid the pain, but doing our grief work is what strengthens us to help us heal.
I was also given the privilege of presenting a lesson for our Ladies Inspiration Day at our church in April, 2004. The subject was dealing with struggles, and I used examples from the book of Job as well as my own experiences to share some of what God has taught me about grief and suffering. I have presented it on this site in 4 parts:
I hope that this look at grief through my eyes, and through some of the things that God has taught me will be helpful to you. I hope that it will bring you comfort in your grief, insight into others' grief, and patience and encouragement to persist when the intensity and duration of the grief is stunning. There is a gift at the end - a deeper understanding of God, of ourselves, and deeper love and emotion for others - that we could not obtain any other way.
May God bless you as you walk this path.
The First Year1st Month - Sep 02
The Second Year13th Month - Sep 03
The Third Year25th Month - Sept 04
Beyond the Third YearSee the index on the