Sorry about that ! The Alarm went off thinking you were a nosy MIB opening the WIB Philosophy Book. You were almost Neurolized ! I apologize profusely, but we must all remain vigilant and -make sure- that this Book remains confidential and secret. Now that you've joined... the secret writings of the WIB Philosophy Book are for your eyes only ! You may now continue your reading.
*the book opens and you begin to read the entries*
1. We shall ever strive to work with the MIBs as a team. (which sometimes seems futile as
some are often stubborn as mules)
2. Respect your sister WIBs, Unicus or your Liason, your Co-Liasons, GeoMark , and even the MIBs. (yes, that means listening to those silly, rambling MIB thoughts from time to time. I think it is a male thing....)
3. We shall never resort to retaliation when the MIBs attempt to discredit The WIB Organization. (we will, as always, humor them. They have been known to get a little upset when their plots are thwarted. Those poor boys.) *snicker*
4. Support your sister WIB and the MIBs particularly. (the MIBs are notoriously known to become lost even when provided with a map. They also tend to become quite indignant when it is suggested that they 'read the instructions' or 'call a professional')
5. Always wear your highly provocative FRUs (fire retardent undies). Don't ever let a MIB see them. Let them wonder. *grin*
6. Make sure the MIBs are wearing their FRUs (they can be absent minded) (yes, giving them a sudden wedgie is somtimes required for 'proof') *evil laugh*
7. Never reveal the secret pattern or fabric used for the highly coveted original FRUs.
8. Always make sure that your "cricket" gun is hidden away from the MIBs...they are always trying to get their hands on it. *evil grin*
9. Remain vigilant when asked about the secret WIB Philosophy Book. Use the WIB patented 'wink with a mischeivious grin' frequently. *W&MG*
10. Be swift and just in your dealings with homesteaders. Uphold the CL Geo Spirit.
Facts about MiBs
1. MiBs like to barbecue. MiBs will cook if danger is involved.
2. MiBs who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. Marrying a divorced MiB is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more WiBs than Mibs, it pays to recycle.
4. MiBs are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
5. MiBs like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
6. MiBs love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
7. All MiBs are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of my 'cricket' gun.
8. A good place to meet a MiB is at the dry cleaner. These MiBs usually have jobs and bathe.
9. All MiBs hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.
10. MiBs are sensitive in strange ways. If a MiB has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
11. MiBs have an easier time buying bathing suits. WiBs have two types: depressing and more depressing. MiBs have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
12. MiBs have higher body temperatures than WiBs. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a MiB. MiBs are like portable heaters that snore.
13. WiBs take clothing much more seriously than MiBs. I've never seen a MiB walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another MiB wearing a black tuxedo."
14. Most MiBs hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
15. If a MiB prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
16. If you're dating a MiB who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
17. No MiB is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
18. When four or more MiBs get together, they talk about sports.
19. When four or more WiBs get together, they talk about MiBs.
20. MiBs are less sentimental than WiBs. No MiB has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
21. Most WiBs are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most MiBs are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
22. If a MiB says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
23. MiBs hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
24. Getting rid of a MiB without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a MiB, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
25. MiBs are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. WiBs have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
26. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
27. MiBs forget everything; WiBs remember everything.
28. That's why MiBs need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
Order your custom made FRUs here !
Free, of course, to all WIBs and MIBs. *W&MG*
FRUS from the Lost Corporation © 1998
Find out who the Men In Black 'really' are ! An excellent article on the secretive MIBs...
This page is meant in jest only. These are not
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