| My online name is Tiger Lilly. My life has been long and would take a book to write it all out. So I will be brief here. I live in the USA and moved allot when I was younger. The Main 2 reasons why is because of my mothers schooling, and my mother running away from people who "found her out". They would realize after a while what kind of person she was. My mom and dad divorced when I was about 2 years old. At age 2 I was screaming almost constantly. I would bang my head on the floor over and over and over again. No one would baby sit me. I don't remember allot of my child hood. I do remember my mother physically abusing my sister and me. She would usually do this by banging our heads against one another, banging our heads on the floor, breaking things over our heads, and throwing us around. She would also sit on us and hold us down. I don't remember her ever really using a fist to punch me. She was too smart for that. She made sure that it would be hard to see bruises. My mother was also very neglectful. Most days and nights we fed ourselves, took care of the house (best we could) and basically were by ourselves. My mother would come home, scream, throw a tantrum, knock us around and then leave. That was pretty much the norm. My sister pretty much raised me even though she was only 4 years older than me. I know I was molested as a child by a family friend. I can't remember much about it. I know my mother had something to do with this as well. She also actually prostituted my sister out when she was only around age 8. I have no idea what else she has done as far as that goes. I've blocked out most of my child hood. The state finally got wind of my mothers abuse (some of it) and was going to take us away from her. We were missing school and were always dirty. We were basically living in a hell hole. My mother found out about this and sent us to a foster home herself. That way she could take us out when she so desired. She made sure we went to seperate homes. My foster home was very cold. Not abusive, but there was absolutely no love at all. My sister moved out when I was 12 and I felt very alone. She came to visit when she could, but my mother used every manipulative trick in the book to "punish" my sister for leaving home. This included depriving her of visits with me. It was very painful. She had tried very hard all our lives to seperate us. We still are close today, however my sister and I do fight quite alot. My mother and I have not spoken in over 8 years. Also when I turned 12, my mother married my stepdad. They first took there frustrations and anger out on my sister. I hid. Then when my sister left home, they focused on each other. I snuck around behind her back. She didn't really care. I was scared to death of her. Still am scared of her. In my teen years I was date raped 4 times. I also tried to commit suicide. I wound up getting married at age 17 to a 41 year old major drug dealer turned politician. He had a 4 year old psychotic son that tried to shoot me with a rifle (missed). I got pregnant and carried the baby to 5 1/2 months. It was devastating when I miscarried. I threw up during the pregnancy and then kept on throwing up for years after. Still do sometimes. Not intentionally, it just happens, mainly due to stress. I was divorced at 18 and wound up only dating guys who were "taken" in one way or another. Couldn't date anyone with a future. Was very depressed during this time. Then I had a few boyfriends and wound up getting pregnant by one. From that day forward I lived for that baby. I got married a 2nd time thinking it was the right thing to do (wrong). He wound up being a very abusive type of person. He never hit me, but he abused me in other ways. He was like this ticking time bomb. I eventually made friends with his mother, who now no longer speaks to him along with the rest of his family. I divorced him when my daughter was 2. By then I had been raped a few more times. I went to another state and wound up with an old boyfriend. He was not good for me. Very verbally abusive and in other ways. He was an alcoholic, as was my first husband. I wound up leaving him after almost a year. Then I got married to my 3rd husband. It was a perfect marriage at first. Then some really bad stuff happened and my life fell apart. My marriage fell apart. We stayed together for 4 years, but then divorced in may of 2003. I loved him very much. He totally broke my heart. He also broke my daughter heart, although they never did get along very well. I have been raped by a husband and boyfriend and several other men. I was almost raped another time, but got out of it.....somehow. I have been diagnosed with some mental disorders and I'm still trying to deal with everything that has happened. Some things I still have troubles talking about. I'm sure you can probably relate to atleast some of the things I've gone through. I just take it day by day. My daughter is now my life and I treasure her more than anything else. I am told often I am a good mother, and I personally believe this to be true. She is the thing that keeps me going. With out her, I am nothing. Thank you for reading this story. If you would like to tell me/us about your self, please visit our forums through the links at the top of the page. We would love to hear from you. P.S. If you would like to know more about me, you can read my poetry on the Survivors poetry page. |
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