Happy New Year 2003!!!!!!!!!

Once Christmas is over, everyone has eaten enough and shopped enough and vistited relatives enough to become sick. But the festivities aren't over yet. New Year's Eve is the definitive way to wave goodbye to last year and bring the new year on with panache. I personally like to celebrate by going to the Chili's in the Copley Place mall with friends, but everyone has their own tradition - fancy parties at hotels, casual get-togethers at home, Three Stooges marathons, or eyes glued to Dick Clark or MTV.

I do not celebrate Christmas, being Jewish, but I always found myself nevertheless caught up in all the hype surrounding this holiday (which, by the way, is not the most important day on the Christian calander - Easter is). I love the sales following Christmas, the fanciful decorations in the malls, and the long lines of people returning everything they received Christmas morning. I also love the idea of a new year and thus a new start; a new lease on life. The idea of resolution-making is as passe as it ever was, but nevertheless, I do have a few expectations of myself for this new year of 2003.

  • 1.) Start eating right. I have spent at least the past year and a half of my life on macaroni and cheese, McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Taco Bell, Panda Express, frozen pizza bagels, Starbucks, and Dunkin' Donuts. I am also the one who complains of being 10-15 pounds overweight. It wouldn't hurt to start eating more broccoli and spinach and carrots and grainy breads and whatnot.
  • 2.) I also ought to start exercising (practicing dance steps, jogging, walking, using Mom's exercise machine).
  • 3.) I need to become a better student. I've never made honor roll in my life, and I'm a junior in high school. And I seriously think I'm going to make it into Columbia.
  • 4.) I must start taking myself more seriously as an author and submitting work to be published every chance I get.
  • 5.) Cleaning my room and keeping it neat could be a good idea.
  • 6.) My source of income is being an Avon lady. If I want more money for movies and French Connection shirts and Starbucks, I must be a more vigorous Avon lady.
  • 7.) I have to spend more time with Douglas. It's imperative. He loves my mom more than he loves me.

    And some wishes for the new year, bien sur (aka my expectations of the world):

  • 1.) Yaser Arafat and Osama bin Laden and Sadam and all those assholes from Al Qaeda and whatnot will all die slow, painful deaths...like being drowned in urine shipped straight out of America's toilets.
  • 2.) People will start to recognize that even though Israelis are arrogant and wild and dysfunctional, they're still a hell of a lot cooler than their geographical neighbors.
  • 3.) George W. Bush will do something so excruciatingly stupid that he will lose all chance of reelection and we'll get a Democrat in office for 2004.
  • 4.) The seniors I don't like at my school will have some huge embarrasment at their prom or graduation (that's a lot of people, by the way).
  • 5.) The World Trade Center will be rebuilt to quadruple the height it was pre-9/11, and if anyone with terrorist intentions of any sort comes in a fifty-mile radius of it, they will automatically be sensed by a high-tech sensor thingie that detects goat semen in the blood (how do you think they all entertain themselves?) and will turn them into light bulbs or something.
  • 6.) J. Lo will be haunted by the ghosts of every animal who had to die for her long fox-fur eyelashes and all the fur coats she's worn. All the fame and money in the world won't save her from hundreds of wild animals (who, being dead, can't be killed again, so she'll be totally defenseless).
  • 7.) In fact, any asshole who wears fur should be haunted by the ghosts of the animals who died for them.
  • 8.) Likewise, the world's neo-Nazis can be haunted by Holocaust victims...yes, I am addicted to those ghost specials on the Travel Channel; is it that obvious? lol
  • 9.) Everybody who I don't like will have a shitty year, and shitty years to come (this meaning people I know personally who have pissed me off in one way or another).
  • 10.) Back to the whole ghost thingie...the ghost of the girl Laura Bush ran over years ago (I do not like the Bush family as one can see) will run over Laura's nasty twin daughters. The world will have two less spoiled, ugly, drunken cokehead jailbait people. And then Georgie really won't get reelected! =)

    Before I end this lovely page, I wanna wish MUTHAFUCKIN KICKASS new year to all my bestest homies: Luke, Julie-us, Jade-ass, Kel, Veronica, Victoria, Nikki, my new friends from France (Luc, Ludo, etc.), Patty, Shamaiah, Cam, and anyone I missed. Oh yeah. Precious Douglas too. He resolves to continue scratching furniture and killing unfortunate animals cuz he has no conscience. His cuteness is what saves him every time.

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