| These poems were all written by a girl on TOD, whose name is Cat. The link to her diary is: unworthyuukitty, and click here to email her. WARNING: Some poems may be triggering! |
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| Never Enough The days are going by and so am I I am getting weaker and the cuts are getting deeper my family doesn’t care I'm just a burden for them to bear they'll be happy when I die they'll laugh and say 'if only sooner' I know that I don’t belong cuz no one cares and I cant cry I feel like it but its not possible if only the tears would come people lie all the time and their biggest crime is when they say that they do care cuz I know its not true cuz nobody does hey just wanna see you dead gone in your eternal bed and I am so angry and sad it doesn’t matter how deep I cut cuz its never deep enough |
| Cutting Board I am a cutting board ugly and obscure cuts showing the pain hat I must endure These crazy strange thoughts that fill my head walking alone through the halls my heart filled with dread his words pierced my heat killing all hope that maybe one day id know how to cope don’t tell me it never happened don’t look at me with disgust I need to tell my stories to you, whom I trust you tell me I'm crazy you look at me like I'm nuts just because I cannot cry just because of my cuts ill always be miserable I've come to that conclusion until I find a way to die cuts will be my solution |
| Why? Why is it that I want to die why is it that I can’t cry why do you just pass me by? Why is my knife my only friend why am I always hurting in the end why won’t reality bend? Why are you so glad why am I so sad? Why must I feel so bad? Why must we have reality why cant I climb that tree why is it that I must be? Why do you act like a queen why must you be so mean why cant you see me as a human being? Why do you try to hurt me why is it you cant see why I hurt internally? Why can't it be okay why cant I smile through the day why must I be gay? |
| To Be Free Oh how I wish that I could be a bird flying free but instead I'm in pain where there is no wisdom to gain crying inside plastered smiles walking alone all these miles the things they say the things they do it hurts so much they never knew broken spirits wounded hears all if it torn to parts |
| Blame Crying endlessly my tears are red never clear for they are bled flowing freely falling in shame looking for no one else to blame |
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| Afraid Of Myself All I wanna do is die I'm trying hard to cry the tears are hear but will not fall all I wanna do is die I'm so lonely and so scared so used so alone in so much pain that I cant bear nobody cares please help me you know who you are I need you now if I ever did it was not this urgent I'm afraid of me |
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| Artist My knife will be my brush and my flesh will be my canvas my blood will be my paint and my bones will be my easel ill draw and draw and draw until the pain goes away ill make that red river flow until my troubles disappear a tear shall never stain my cheek nor shall a whimper escape my lip I will not complain I will not plead I will only cut I will only bleed let blood flow feely let it be the cure let it be the cleanser of my tortured soul I will remain strong I will remain silent I will remain trustworthy I will remain reliant I am a shadow that goes unnoticed I am a child lost in the wild I am not a mother but loving and warm I am not a father but gentle and sweet |
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| One More Girl Passed, How Sad She’s not quite sure how she’s feeling. And she’s not quite sure what’s up. But she knows her ship is pitching and heaving. Just like the emotions in her head it’s raining outside. Is someone crying for me? I shook her head I'm sorry, but no, no one cares for you why, oh, why?!? The tears streamed down she lied, I cried its nothing more than fate the cuts on her legs were deep and beautiful or so she thought till they scared what shall I do she cried out loud its ugly and pitiful I just cant go on you can you must said they, the rest ill feel guilty it'd be my fault no! Just go away I want to die stop caring my life’s not worth living look at her she’s a dyke a social outcast I declare she’s queer she’s weird she must be on drugs purple?, blue? Pink?, or green? What color will it be? She cut herself up like a human cutting board with her knife she did the honors when can I next cut? And why? The questions flashed and the days passed by still no sign of hope cutting and burning the only way to cope it’s not good enough! I cant feel the pain so the cuts got deeper and closer to a vein the more she bleed the deeper the satisfaction until one day when she just fled its no wonder she was abused harassed at school but nobody knew and soon one desk was removed a moment of silence the loud speaker said let us remember her let her be an example of that what is done has its own consequences the boys just smirked the girls just laughed the teacher shook their sorry little heads and so everyone’s life went on just like it always had till one more girl passed, how sad |
| Tortured Kindred Sadness lurks within my tortured soul my only kin. Crying for love but without tears crimson red be my tears crying internally nothing shows this is how my life goes happiness... I have never known I search for it casting stones I fall asleep wondering how someone can live hurting others |
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| High And Low Now I’m sad and depressed and I feel really oppressed hopelessness and despair begin to fill my mind as I struggle to see the path I’m trying to find I’ve put scars on my skin I've hurt those to whom I’m akin why? Why me? I ask, trying to see what made me deserve this? For its far from any bliss this wretched state to which id rather not relate but here I am not happy as a clam I’m stuck like this a lot mostly cuz its all I got although I wish it was my time to go its not, so life goes on, high and low |
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| Blossom And Unfold I have been given a renewed hope and I’m learning how to cope I now know that I belong and this belief has made me strong I’m thankful for all my friends who've helped me recover from being lost, for now I’m free to see as I struggled to find my way you helped me through, day be day you all have given me courage to put bad memories away, in storage for this is where they belong cuz they made me not-so-strong I see it now there is a light and it is shining bright as I begin to blossom and unfold this inner self has made me bold I shall struggle with life no longer cuz this has mead me so much stronger |
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| A Simple Tears Life A simple tears life I well up in her eye as she holds me back she’s scarred to cry willing me not to fall her body shakes and trembles she pinches her nose and looks up hurt by what I resemble never looking back it hurts her so deep I want to run down I really need to seep down her left cheek the pressures building the need is growing she is never willing to cry a simple tear I live my life always being fought back when she called a dyke and when she cuts I am a simple tear rolling down her face betrayed by one held dear it is me who she despises I feel not real I am but invisible by the alter she kneels in her blood red dress her nails painted black her hair streaked colors black-and-blue from a smack she received just before she wipes me away simply and quickly I must never show during day night is my time and I am replaced by a red not so transparent tear |
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