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The Ultimate TOAST Page

Some of my Favorite things:

Yup! Good 'Ol unbuttered toast. This particular piece of toast is named Clive. He's a rather nice, friendly piece of toast but he doesn't say much. Sort of a quiet type.

I really, really enjoied toasting Clive. He's one of my best works of art, actually. In fact I feel like toasting him again. Please feel free to join in. "HERE'S TO CLIVE!!"

The toast standard. Buttered Toast. Ah...and one of my favorites. I love to offer scrummy, hot, buttered toast to people. It always comes out so crisp and yummy.

I often wonder, you know, in my downtime, how many slices of hot buttered toast have been devoured throughout the centuries. It must be a lot. I mean, if you have nothing else you always have toast and butter, right?

And everybody loves buttered toast, right? They must do. Never mind. I'm being silly.

Now we're getting FANCY!! And if you fancy one of these beauties, I'd be more than happy to toast one up for you.

Now this particular lovey is a true work of art. The bread (which I toasted, of course) contains wheat that was milled just outside Kansas City, US. It is a variety of Scandinavian wheat known as Sweet Honey Wheat because of it's smooth flavor and uncanny sweetness. The cherry preserves are also special. They were canned by a kind old woman from Bedfordshire, UK. She used her special recipe that has been handed down for centuries.

Howdy-Doodley-Do! Now, this is actually an old picture. I've kept it in my memory bank for over 3,000,000 years.

I toasted this particular piece of toast for former President Jimmy Carter. And he sure did enjoy it, too! Said that it reminded him of his peanut-farming days. In fact, I think his precice quote was:

"Golly. This toast sure is tasty. No, I wouldn't like a muffin. I'm not in the mood for flapjacks. I'm enjoying this toast. What? A cro-sant? I don't even know what that is. No, I wouldn't like a tea cake. A waffle? No thank you. Yes I do like waffles. There aint a dern thing wrong with waffles. Billy, how do you shut this thing off?" - Click -

No wonder he only served one term. Who could vote for a guy that doesn't like waffles.

Lovely! The world famous New York Style bagel.

Unfortunately there's nothing particularly special about this bagel other than it was toasted by an expert (me) and it also has an unusual name. For some reason this bagel insisted that I refer to it as "Captain Floyd the Leprocy Chicken of Grimsby".

I always found this quite odd because I've never heard of a Leprocy Chicken and the bagel was actually toasted in orbit around Titan. Bizzare.

Fortunately he was devoured quickly.

Now this is a great shot. The perfect cinnamon raisin bagel. Notice the dark, cinnamony color and how the hot, melted butter is just dripping off of it. Excellent.

I could look at this picture all day. I really could.

Oops! Sorry! Yeah, I was watching my brilliant performance in the Red Dwarf Episode "White Hole" while I was toasting this bagel. I just got caught up in the stellar performance I put forth in that particular episode. I should have won an emmy for BEST TOASTER or something for that. I mean, my performance was brilliant, wasn't it? Playing it dead calm while I knew that Holly was about to expire and then livening it up with my favorite line, "What the Smeg are you going to do?!"

But even burnt a bagel is a thing of beauty.

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