A: Usually, I am the one asking this question, but it is undoubtedly the most frequently asked question when I am around. And it's true that everyone is constantly pondering (especially around breakfast) whether or not they would like toast. Or if it is in fact toast that they want and not a muffin or a toasted tea cake.

Q: What the smeg does "Howdy Doodley-Do" mean?

A: How should I put this? Hmm...well, it's just a chirpy salutation to get you off to a cheerful start in the morning. It is meant to brighten your day and make you wake up with a smile on your face.

Q: Why are you such a one-dimensional bread-obsessed electrical appliance?

A: I resent that implication.

Q: Why are you always asking everyone if they want toast?

A: It's my job. I'm a toaster. I toast therefore I am. And if I didn't constantly ask if someone would like toast, someone's liable to go hungry. I can't let that happen now, can I?

Q: Why should I eat toast when I can have a Choc Ice?

A: The answer is simple. Toast is better and more nutritious than Choc Ice. It has more vitimans, less fat & tastes a whole lot better. Especially with some honey or some jelly. However, if you are in the mood for something cold, why not try a toastcicle?

Q: If God is infinate and the universe is also infinate, would you like a cheese and ham brevel?

A: Truely a question that mankind has been pondering for centuries. So deep and philosophical that I couldn't possibly answer that here. For an answer, talk to your local guru or perhaps a pair of talking hedge trimmers.

Q: Which is better, waffles or flap jacks?

A: Baffling, yes, I know. Well, it depends. Both waffles and flap jacks come in a variety of forms. Some buttermilk, some with fruit or flavored syrups. I think that perhaps it depends on your taste. Why, would you care for a waffle? How about a Flap Jack?

Q: May I have another round of toast?

A: Why, certainly!

Q: What is your favorite thing to toast?

A: Well, I'm not exactly sure if I have a favorite thing to toast. Although, I think perhaps that toast itself is without a doubt the most popular. I really just enjoy heating bread products in general. Why, would you like some toast?

Q: How can you be around if, at the end of "White Hole" the crew of Red Dwarf returned to their original states before the toaster was repaired?

A: Don't ask me, I'm only a toaster.