Mandy

As I sit here at my keyboard I realize what an impossible task I am facing. How do I with a few simple keystrokes and an ocean of tears capture the wonder of Amanda Nicole Trantham? How can I hope to make you understand what we had ... and what we lost.
   My niece Mandy was born on July 21, 1989. Mandy was amazing ... a true miracle from above as all children are. Mandy was an absolutely beautiful child. She had long, thick blond hair and the bluest eyes. She was so excited about her upcoming kindergarten year.
   Like most little girls Mandy loved barbie dolls and Barney. She was a Brownie girl scout (my sister and I were the troop leaders). She loved to swim, watch Disney movies and play with her brother, cousins and friends.       Unlike most families, we were not allowed the privelage of seeing her cross the stage in her cap and gown. We were not even able to see her off to her first day of school. We will not hold her child. My daughter will not grow old with her best friend and her cousin who was like a sister to her because of the closeness of my sister and myself.
   Mandy was taken from us a month before her 5th birthday. We spent Mandy's 5th birtday at the cemetary leaving tiny dolls and angels beside a headstone. She was stolen from us by the reckless actions of a drunken driver. If not for the foolish and thoughtless behavior of one man Mandy would be alive today.
   Do I sound bitter? I am bitter. At times I hate this man with a rage I never knew myself capable of. At other times I am filled with a pity for him that I never thought I would feel. How does he sleep at night? Does Mandy's death haunt him as it haunts me? I am filled with so many conflicting emotions.
    I was with Mandy on the day she died. My sister Donna, who is also my best friend, invited us to spend a day at the lake with her husband Terry and her children Christopher who was 9 at the time and Mandy who was 4. It was a beautiful sunny day in June. My thoughts were of what a great time the kids would have. Donna and I even commented on what wonderful memories of family and fun our children would have.
    My husband Ben and I loaded the car with floats, sunscreen, cold drinks and the tons of other things needed for a day on the lake. My 7 year old daughter Christina and my 2 year old Jason were excited and ready to go. We invited my neighbor's daughter Cara who was 13 to join us and off we went. The boys rode with our husbands. Donna and I set off with three giggling girls in the backseat of my car. It never entered my mind that we would come home with only one of these three little girls. The one left would come home in shock ..... broken hearted and grief stricken at the young age of 7.
    After arriving safely at the lake we loaded the five children and four adults on the boat. Donna and I have always been a bit over protective so all five children were wearing life jackets - even the ones who knew how to swim. After all, as over protective mothers do, we were thinking of all the possible dangers. What if the boat hit a tree stump and started taking on water? And didn't our mother always warn us of the dangers of getting a leg cramp while swimming and being unable to swim? We were taking no chances with our precious cargo!
    The one danger we did not consider was headed straight toward us as our boat floated in the water near the bank. Before we even got the boat cranked ... as we were still arranging everything ... within minutes of putting the boat into the water a drunken boater was upon us.
    I never saw the other boat coming. Even though we were in a "no wake zone" which is an area where boats are to move slowly, this other boat hit our boat.
   In shock I looked around me. My sister was lying back in my lap, her face torn and bleeding. There was blood everywhere. Her cheeks and mouth were torn apart. I thought she was dead though her eyes were wide open. Then she began making the most horrible gurgling sound ... choking on her teeth and her blood.
   I lifted my eyes in horror and saw my nephew and my 2 children in the front end of the boat which was taking on water and sinking rapidly. They were covered with dirt and debris but alive. My eyes then found Cara in the bottom of the boat ... lying at my feet ... looking so gray and still. I realized I was screaming ... a scream I could not stop.
    Where was Amanda? Frantically we looked ... and there she was. She was in the water floating so near the drunken boater that he could have reached out and pulled her aboard his boat. We were screaming for his help. For him to get her out of the water. He did not reach out for her. He was too busy trying to sink his beers in the lake before the authorities arrived. This lack of concern for a child floating by brings out the rage that consumes me.
    I look at the beautiful angel graphic on this page ... at the pictures of Amanda on this page ... and I wonder if I have made this page too detailed. Have I made the horror of that day too graphic? Then I think ... NO. If one person reads this page and recognizes the danger they place others in when they drink and drive or drink and boat ... if one person has an uncomfortable twinge and thinks of this the next time they are tempted to slip behind the wheel after a few beers ... if one life is saved and one family is spared this agony it will be worth it.
    Despite the efforts of the people in boats and on shore, despite the efforts of the paramedics and hospital staff, despite the prayers and pleas we sent up to the heavens ... we brought home only 3 children. We came home forever scarred by this tragedy.

On June 18, 1994 Cara Anne Delmae Shotwell and Amanda Nicole Trantham earned their wings ... free to play in the stars forever. We love you both and will never forget you.

Pink ribbons were handed out at Mandy's funeral. This ribbon is in memory of my beautiful niece.
I love you baby.

Thank you to all of the wonderful people at MADD! Your support and love is appreciated more yhan you can know.

I'll Lend You A Child
by Edgar Guest

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
For you to love - while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care or him for Me?
He'll bring his smiles to gladden you,
And should this stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this world over
In search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd
Life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor count the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to
Take him back again?"
I fancied that I heard then say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that come
And try to understand."