My teeth clenched around stainless steel,
coping with the undulated pulling.
I wasn't allowed a last meal.
There's talk of the weather
and the latest death toll.
I heard a faint murmur,
a secret I'm told to hold.
You won't be placed in a jar.
Flourescent light won't show me
how small you are.
Outside he watched mounting snow
attempts to convince him, he's not old.
Incantations in the cold.
Making a promise.
Did they offer to bleed for us?
An accompaniment to lunacy
correlates unto imperfection
in status folds and clefts
clarified in query
incorporated to draw conclusions
nonsensically camouflaged to cope
perhaps unknown components
intersected typically
congruent only through facts
there the similarity ends
replication spontaneously forming
idiosyncratic pawns
tearfully calculated to time
in modulated incriments
subliminal prophecies wired into existance
curtailing impulsivity.
Using analytical contraception
to calculate this contradiction
in terms of the extremeties
that deface my effigy.
Intricate yet indescriptive ire
reitterated throughout the discussion
we proved timeless.
It's difficult to confess
while riddles and tongues
are being imposed upon.
Inconclusive replys
currently crammed down my throat
inconspicuous inquisitions
my only means of staying afloat.
I'm just waiting to discover this river is endless
or as meaningless
as existance.
Reserved amidst the swarming chatter
courting under archways and smiles
the severity of phrases
like bricks falling
instead of rain
serenly distant confusion
fuzzing the lighting
until I can feel the ghastliness
of white
I refuse to pour over.
Indian style, wood grain encompassed
like a death-zombie at look-out point.
Twisting, ringing out the blood in your hands,
for lack of feeling.
Lady Macbeth.
I have been this numb
eyes averted
I am this numb.
Protect your vanity,
with tormented growth.
Calculated blush,
uncontrollably remote.
Encapsulate the form pronounced.
Seal me in plastic,
dry me out.
Sweet breath shortens
to panicked gasps.
Fruitless,
I can no longer stand.
Corporate indecision
on what's clouding my vision.
Waiting to whisper sweet nothings
to someon who can't hear.
Lonliness pushes me into
what I think I want is
but, he's inconspicuos at best.
Succumbing to the compromise
which gave me laryngitis.
It's a shame
I don't know sign language.
I regain my voice
but then close the zipper on my lips
and the moments lost again.
Resounding the mechanisms of assault.
My wounds still fresh
and full of salt.
Interpenetrated pieces of scrap.
Transcribed idiom
ebbing back.
The episode is filtering out now.
The bloodshed concealed
by a heavy black overcoat.
While the rain washes away
the leftovers of battle.
Disease infested bodies
drifting down the poisoned mass of water.
Stepping through the soiled, gray air
the children who never had a chance
swim in their cancer lake.
I weep for these unclaimed births
of unforsaken children.
Who will question their chromosomes
and perish
undetermined.
God,
please keep me sane
just for tonight.
I'm cashing in my chips
for this singular prize.
No white washed walls for me.
No buckes or zippers I'm unable to reach.
No blood stained walls
only my head can find.
NO NEVER.
NOT ME.
I'm grabbing a hold of my mind.
I lost myself somewhere inside adolescence
when I resurfaced
it was too late.
I was no longer safe.
Everything I loved
I had let dissipate.
When I awoke, in the snow
smeared and scantily clothed,
I knew I was alone.
A self proclaimed analyst
contriving my inadequacies
insurmountable objectives
of advantageous conjectures.
Entrapped in nostalgia
lost in momentary notice
accumulated desire of loss.
Counter actions equal domination
my crippled reflex can't combat the interface.
As if prompted metamorphosis
remained  possibility.
Helpless and cowering
I lay stagnant.
Praise will only feed
my deficincies.
Arguments, which I find
less than astute
concur with what was said before.
I won't have the sanity
that couples my shots anymore.
Subconsciously waiting for me to perish solemnly
they wouldn't want me to grow bored.
Laying in the stale sheets,
my current burial garb.
Watching the insects seduced by the glowing
overhanging flourescents
on the ceiling.
They pass by quickly,
hoping to be unseen.
I'm resigned into complacent numbness,
until once again I'll be
screaming for my pain relief.
I will lose all, but my ethics in the process.
Devoting all I have to nameless, faceless entitites,
that are willing to comply with my needs.
Despondent without my guise, my false sense of security,
they contain me here.
hushed memos passed out to adress my incurability
yet, it's a point of neccessity.
Communication has been shut down,
I'm trapped inside myself.
If this urge is not suppressed
someone else will be able to use this bed.
What is becoming of us?
Transformation, mutation, regeneration?
Unconsciuos murmurs of what is needed or prescribed
all kept silenced continually in our concubine.
Restless in thoughts, speech and dreams
tranquility is finally
circulating through me.
Loose interpretations
conveying matters of opinion
inconsequential correspondence
over eye-candy.
All this enabling us to step
out of our heads
for momentary circumspection.
The entirity of our quality time,
with unimportant psychobabble.
Moving into spheres of non-existence.
Pressure compacts and cracks enamel
expectorate the shards
grasping the multitudes.
Avert my eyes, as I become concave.
The lock clicks behind me
sensing the disease
starting to feed
your movements so ghostly
like all the words we speak
to you it's other worldly.
I'm clutching at phantasms
portraying past emotions
of someone I don't really know.
Equivalence is not a factor
in the mind,
let alone superiority.
Multitudes of questions
provoked by all the lies
and falsities.
You and I,
words chosen
that were before unspoken,
elation and confessions.
Commitments I'm unwilling to make.
I still don't have the fortitude
or strength.
I was soothed,
lied to,
then steadily immobilized.
Asked to trade my clothes in
for wet paper mache.
Entrapped,
entirely statuesque
for the rest of my days.
I don't remember deciding to jump.
All I recall is the falling.
So swift, panic couldn't set in.
On impact, there was no pain.
I simply brushed off and strolled away.
Cavities of the brain
morals and ethics decay.
Abcessing without the ache.
Is a conscience born
or maintained?
Catastrophic atrophy
and limp denials
dangle about me.
Decomposition shown externally
while moving.
Sickly, wan mirror image
bloated with guilt.
The welts can cloak the shame.
Reflections shimmer, glint and wink at
misfotunes and dismay.
The only remains of the day.
Enjoy it while there's not much garbage.
Referring occasions his mind wasn't polluted.
Are you still the vantriliquist
you used to be?
All those beautiful soliliquies
uttered without my mouth moving.
Misplacement of identity,
among the torn pages
and fragmented scabs.
