Here's another reason I'm relieved that I use a pseudonym for this journal: Someone found my journal from the North American Agnostic Journalers WebRing and emailed me with gibberish about Natural Law Religion. I've received mail from people representing other fringe groups too. Thanks but no thanks.

***

On Monday, we went to my uncle's house for Chinese New Year dinner. Some unusual things we ate included ducks' tongues - very tasty (my first time) and cold, deboned chickens' feet. I commented that the Chinese would eat anything because of their impoverished origins, but I meant it from a socio-economic perspective about the culture as a whole. I think my uncle's wife and my sister-in-law thought I was trying to make a personal critique though. Some people just don't get me. The papaya milkshake we made afterward was good.

***

I just came back from v-ball. I've learned to not be 15 minutes late again! People had already gotten into teams and started playing. The people who I usually play with already had a team going so I joined another group of people. 2 of the girls on that team, I had never seen before. Oh boy, this was my most unenjoyable evening of volleyball ever. One girl was my setter while I was in the left hitting position, but she could never set the ball. Even worse, the other girl thought she was hot shit and kept talking so much, though not in an encouraging way. I've realized that I really don't like people who talk non-stop with nothing interesting to say. It was like she always needed the attention to be placed on her and wanted to be in control of everything. And the truth was, she really wasn't that great. I'm just as good if not better than her. She was loud and irritating. I didn't sign up for v-ball so I could spend the evening hanging out with people I don't like. Fortunately for me, I don't have to be on the same team as her again and deal with her big mouth. Pity those people who have to work with her everyday.  I think her desperate desire for dominance is just her manifestation of her insecurities. I wonder whether in the rest of her life, she's not particularly good at anything, and so she has to be so loud and talkative in v-ball - the only activity that she remotely has a chance to get any attention in. 

My gawd, I can't recall when was the last time I've met someone like that. I won't let anyone assume control over me if they haven't earned the right to yet. People like her make me want to become a hermit. It also makes me further gravitate toward quiet but confident people more - people who speak up when they have something interesting to say but otherwise know when to shut the hell up.

***

Ok, I'm going to sign up for the 2001 Vancouver Sun Run now.

And why is it that so many people on the Survivor forum at MightyBigTV hate host Jeff Probst? The only thing that seemed low-class was when he didn't tell Jenna during the first Survivor right from the beginning that he didn't have a videotape from her family. But smarmy? Peachy? why? Am I really the only one who thinks he's cute? Those dimples. And that scene in the opening episode showing him sitting at the edge of the plane was cool.

My likes: Kel, Rodger; Ok: Blonde Jeff, Elisabeth, Mitchell, Mad Dog; Dislike: Kimmi, Alicia (cold-blooded schemer, I tell ya), Colby (when he remarked that, "There are 2 things that I'm grateful for: that I'm alive and that I'm Texan." - I immediately assumed that he must be a Republican. Otherwise, why would he say that so soon after the election?)

***

So yesterday, I went to that interview. I was so not prepared. I didn't really try hard for it. First, I brought for my writing sample an essay that I had written about 2.5 years ago. I had printed it out without reading and editing it. Plus, I didn't bother thoroughly looking at the potential employer's website and links prior to the interview. Anyway, this was the first time that I had ever been interviewed by four people. I thought they would ask me generic questions like what I thought were my strengths and weaknesses, what I did to de-stress, my work experience and why I would be qualified for the job...But no. They asked me all sorts of knowledge- and procedure-based questions that really tested my quick-thinking abilities. 

I was just a bit nervous but not extremely. I think I bombed the interview though. I have a tendency to not thoroughly think the questions and my answers through during interviews. Instead, I just gabbed away and B.S.ed. They kept saying things like maybe I didn't really understand the questions. I swear. And they kept expecting me to say some more, most likely because I hadn't even touched on the right answers yet. 

It was bad. They just kept writing and writing while I blabbed on randomly. Had I been taking notes of what I was saying, it would've been even more obvious to me how erratic and muddled my responses were. Good grief. How frustrating, especially as I know I'm qualified for the job.

***

My Modern Dance class was last night. I basically got lost driving there. I had only driven by that place once before, and that was several years ago in the daytime. It's a wonder that I finally managed to find it in time and to find my way home afterward, albeit the long way. Why can't streets just all be either parallel or perpendicular to each other? I have no sense of direction. When the sun sets, sometimes I have no idea which direction I'm facing. I need to get a compass for my car.

The class was fun. We began with easy stretches. Then we started developing phrases (combinations of different movements). I have a really bad memory though. I just can't remember what the steps are, so when the instructor made us do the phrase without her, I would blank out. Even when she was doing it with us, I would be watching her instead of fully concentrating on my movements. Needless to say, I'm completely ungraceful. What's pretty cool is that we have a pianist to accompany us. Unfortunately, I have no rhythm. I better improve soon.

***

Today, my brother had the day off. While my parents went to their ballroom dancing lesson, he was supposed to look after his own daughter. But no, typical to his nature, he got BORED. He said he would go home to get a book to read and would return to my house (where the niece lives 6 days per week) in about 15 minutes later. Of course, I didn't trust him and refused, but he left anyway. I had to make the niece call him up to tell him to return an hour later. He did, but as soon as my parents returned, he left. His duty to look after his kid was done for the week, he likely thought.

I'm so sick of this shit. He and his wife are totally taking advantage of us. My parents are too polite to refuse to look after their kids all the time, so I feel compelled to speak up. And of course, because I do, they think I'm such a bitch.

The sis-in-law's mother normally looks after the nephew. But on Monday, she was not available. So, my brother dropped the him off at my house and told my mom that the other grandmother would pick him up in a couple of hours. Yeah, right.

I ended up having to look after the nephew while my mom had to drive the niece to preschool (because for some reason, the bro didn't provide the baby's car seat). In that time period, the nephew kept bawling so loudly because he wasn't used to being alone with me in an unfamiliar setting. He couldn't be comforted and shat all over his diaper. The smell made me literally gag. I had been eating too.

Then when the niece returned home, the two of them ended up having simultaneous bawling fits - perhaps for attention. It's difficult looking after one young kid, anymore and it's practically impossible.

If it's only once in a while that I have to look after a kid, I don't mind. But I'm never asked whether I would mind doing it. I not only don't get compensation, but not even thanks in return. My help and inconvenience is just never acknowledged by my bro and his wife. I'm so pissed off. 

These people are so old-fashioned, they think that the grandparents today are like the old Chinese grandparents of yesteryear who don't have a life of their own. You know, those old Chinese grannies who never venture beyond their own neighbourhood, if even their own block. Those who spent their days cooking and cleaning after the grandkids and that's it. Well, newsflash... the young sixty-something Chinese grandparents of this generation have a life of their own. They can drive, they socialize with their friends, they learn to dance, they swim, they read, they travel -they can't be expected to devote the rest of their retirement days babysitting the grandkids 24/7, especially when they're healthy enough to lead an active lifestyle outside of the house.

It's so upsetting. Maybe if I actually saw my brother lift a finger in the feeding, cleaning, and disciplining of his kids instead of always just sitting there reading articles and books on how to invest his money while my parents exhaust themselves chasing after the kids, I'd be more understanding.

Looking after the kids is more difficult than regular work. When my mother used to work, she would work 8-hour shifts only, with lunch and coffee breaks in between for either 4 or 5 days in a row. And she got paid.  No-can-do with babysitting. It's 24/7. It takes 1.5 hours just to feed the niece, who cries at the drop of a hat in order to get her way, and insists on watching cartoons on TV all the time. You don't have time to watch TV shows of your own, nor time to talk on the phone with friends, nor time to read quietly. You're too busy feeding the kid, reading stories, drawing, washing clothes because of accidents, bathing her, picking up after her, telling her to come out from underneath the tables or behind the sofa, etc. Why the hell am I looking after somebody else's kid? If I'm going to do all this shit, I might as well have my own kid. At least, I will actually benefit when the kid grows up.

You know, what I really am asking for is just acknowledgement and appreciation for our efforts. And for the bro & his wife to shape up as "responsible" adults.

Oh yeah, the other grandmother wasn't ill that day. She wasn't visiting the doctor or anything. She spent the day being an extra in some Chinese TV commercial. And she never bothered to pick the nephew up all day long. 

The bro and sis-in-law make six-figures combined, before taxes and deductions. Yet they're too cheap to hire a decent nanny. Fuck them, they want my dad to retire most likely not because they give a shit that he could then travel or spend time finally doing art or spending time with friends or learning to golf - they just want him to be available 24/7 to take care of their kids. Maybe so then they could have another kid. 

Assholes.