Stepfamily Help Page

Welcome!

Welcome to the Stepfamily Help Page! This page has been around since 2002 and the purpose is to provide resources for stepfamilies to be successful. You will find many helps for your journey as a stepfamily here. We offer a monthly newsletter and articles written just for the Stepfamily Help Page. You will also find a lot of useful links to other websites that help stepfamilies including message boards and a great many resources for PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome). We also have helps for other issues that stepfamilies sometimes face: pre-marriage help, verbal abuse help, fertility/conception issues and more.

Here at the Stepfamily Help Page you will find:

*Articles original to Stepfamily Help Page
*Stepparent Message Boards
*Resources for Stepparents
*Resources for Stepfamily Issues
*PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) Info and Helps
*Resources for Verbal, Emotional and Domestic Abuse
*Resources for Pre-Marriage Issues
*Resources for Conception/Fertility Issues

Link of the Month: Childless Stepmoms Chat a message board for childless stepmoms and former childless stepmoms

Please contact us with any thoughts, ideas, concerns, resources, etc. This website is updated and added to regularly, so please bookmark this site and keep checking back for changes!

Stepfamily Help Page Newsletter

Check this out: sign up to receive the Stepfamily Help Page Newsletter! Click here to read some of our past articles. Or click here to view all of the past issues in full. It is a monthly newsletter designed for members of the stepfamilies. It is monthly so it will not clutter your inbox and it is also not long, but filled with great tips for building stepfamilies. You can also go to the bottom and sign up directly from this page.

Original Articles from Stepfamily Help Page!


My Husband Treats me Like a Child and his Daughter Like an Equal
Memoirs of a Disney Widow
Great Stepfamily Advice!
A Different Cinderella Story
A Manner of Speaking
Guilt Parenting
Boundaries in Stepfamilies
Can a stepmom and ex-wife be Friends?
Handling the Holidays with Grace
Dethroning the King or Queen
How to Turn Your Wife into an Evil Stepmother
Importance of Control
Priorities?
Mourning the Losses from a Stepfamily
The Blame Game
Being a Childless Stepmom is Different
Chemistry or Commitment?
The BEST love method
Build a Good Step-Relationship
Dealing With an Angry Ex
Tips for stepparents...from stepparents!
Questions and Answers for and from stepparents!
Questions asked by biological fathers
Things to discuss before you tie the knot and Sample Expecation List
Things Stepparents Have Given Up

Resources for stepparents:

Message Boards:
Message boards are a wonderful resource for stepparents because it gives you the chance to talk about your feelings and issues with others who are in the same boat as you are. They can offer encouragement and advice as well as many stories. You can also read about others going through the same issues as you are and write to them. It is a great way to build friendships!

Childless Stepmoms Chat a message board for childless stepmoms and former childless stepmoms
The Spiritual Stepfamily
StepTogether Message Board
The Stepfamily Forum
Seasoned Stepmoms

Read about the origins of Stepmother's Day and celebrate it with your family on the Sunday following Mother's Day!

The Stepparent's Bill of Rights

Full List of Stepfamily Rights and Responsibilities

1. I will be part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times.
2. People outside the immediate family, including ex-spouses, in-laws, or adult children, cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit, and how long they will stay.
5. I will not be solely responsible for housework, chores will be distributed fairly.
6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
9. My spouse and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
10. OUR MARRIAGE IS OUR FIRST PRIORITY, AND WE WILL ADDRESS ALL ISSUES TOGETHER.

The following links are not part of the Bill of Rights, but do go along with it. All stepparents have the right not to have to put up with people telling us that we "knew what you were getting into when you got married." That is a way of people trying to demean what we are experiencing. All stepparents have been told this, whether by our partners or people out in the world. We want to provide two resources to help stepparents think about how they will deal with this rotten and UNTRUE comment that we all hear.

NEW: Alternate Reality
Did You Know?
You Knew He Had Kids When You Married Him

Disengaging

What would be the best advice one stepparent could give to another when you find yourself in the situation where your stepkids won't respect you? Or if your spouse will not support you when it comes to his or her kids? One word. Disengage. What is disengaging? In essence, it is a way to protect yourself from being taken advantage of by the people living in your house. If you are tired of toys lying all around the house, tired of making sure that everyone gets done what they are supposed to get done, tired of being taken for granted, tired of many other things that result from being a stepparent you will find renewed energy and the answers to your problems if you disengage.

"I am so glad that I was able to read the article about disengaging! Once I was able to put it into practice in my family, things really began changing for the better! The things that would make my blood pressure raise through the roof don't bother me anymore. My stepdaughter now respects me and loves to spend time with me. My husband has stepped up to the plate and is being a parent to her, so that I don't have to take on responsibility that is not mine and be disrespected because of it. I am no longer an abused member of my own household!" --Daphne

If you are a frustrated stepparent then you are ready to read the article! Click here to read the disengaging essay. This reading cannot be recommended enough! For further reading, see how one stepmom successfully disengaged and changed her marriage for the better AND gained the respect of her stepdaughter by clicking here!

If you have read about disengaging and have decided that it what you need to do, we have a sample letter that you can copy and edit to give to your spouse.

Resources for Verbal, Emotional and Domestic Abuse


Often verbal and emotional abuse aren't as obvious as physical abuse. Sometimes the person being abused isn't even aware that they are being abused. These resources are to help a person find out what abuse looks like and what to do about it.

Relationship Red Flags
Warning Signs that you could be dating a verbal abuser.
The Mystery of Loving an Abuser
Stop Family Violence
The Loser

Emotional Incest: a form of emotional abuse.
Verbal Abuse Message Boards from Verbal Abuse.Com
Take a Quiz to find out if you are being verbally abused by your spouse.
Take a Quiz to find out if you areverbally abusing your spouse.
Verbal Abuse Message Board

Prevent Domestic Abuse
Safety Planning
National Domestic Hotline

Books on Abuse


Valuable Websites for Stepfamilies

Cool Steppie's Place
One stepmom shares her story.
iStepfamily Online
A virtual support group -- free membership.
The Stepfamily Life
*New Link!
Effective Stepfamily Communication
Stepparenting Survival Company
Making Memories to Create a Past
By a stepdad!
The Overwhelmed Stepmom Supporting Stepfamilies
Preteen Stepson Troubles Stepparent Households Essays
from StepTogether
Step Carefully
The Evil Stepmother!
A good read for any stepmom!
Stepmoms Revisited Your Stepfamily Magazine Blending a Family
The Statistics are Staggering!
Stepparenting Realities and Tips
Stepfamily Links Stepparent Web
Stepfamily Association of America Stepfamily Foundation A Father's Reflection Childless Stepmoms Chat
Works by Karon The Stages of Conflict for the Ex-wife and Stepmom Becoming a Stepfamily:
10 Things that Work
Is it Visitation Saturday, Dad?
USDA Estimated Annual Expenditure on a Child Dad's at a Distance Parent Center Blended Families Study
In Step Ministries Faithful Steps Family Life Prayer for Stepmoms
Love and Respect British Second Wives Club Stepfamilies


Resources on PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome):

PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) is when one parent tries to alienate the other parent from the child's life. It can happen in many different ways, but regardless of how it happens it is extremely damaging to the children involved. In extreme cases the child will refuse to see or talk to the alienated parent and in rare cases children have even killed the alienated parent.

The first link describes what PAS looks like by giving common "symptoms" of PAS by the offending parent (the alienating parent). The second link is dedicated to stopping PAS and was made in honor of Dr. Rick Lohstroh who was killed by his son due to the mother's PAS.

*Symptoms of PAS
*Help Stop PAS
*Parental Alienation
*Hostile Aggressive Parenting
*PBS Decares War on Dads
*Warshak's Divorce Poison Website
*Gender Bias in Family Courts
*PAS Directory
*Parental Alienation Defense
*Up to Parents
*Overcoming PAS
*How to Handle PAS
*Family Wars
*PAS Links
*PAS Expert--will travel.
*Guide to PAS
*PAS Archive
*PAS Newsletter
*F.A.C.T. Info: PAS
*PAS Resources
*Fathers For Life
*PAS: An Analysis of Sixteen Selected Cases
*PAS UK Index
*Fathers are Parents, Too
*How to Detect PAS
*Shared Parenting Network
*Custody and PAS

Resources for Pre-Marriage Issues


All of these articles are a MUST READ for those dating, engaged, thinking about dating or know someone who is dating or engaged in a potential stepfamily situation!

Steps to Building Successful Stepfamilies
Authoritative Parenting
What Stepparents Have Given Up
Classic Complaints for Normal Stepfamilies
Things to discuss before you tie the knot and Sample Expectation List
Things I Wish We Would Have Talked About
What to Look for in a Potential Spouse
Letter to a fiance: Need to Disengage and the Disengaging Essay
Alternate Reality
Did You Know?
"You Knew He Had Kids When You Married Him"
Warning Signs that you could be dating a verbal abuser.
The Loser

Resources for Conception/Fertility Issues


One issue facing families of all kinds is the pain not being able to conceive children. Sometimes the couple is physically unable to conceive. Other times one partner wants a baby while the other does not. This is especially hard for the childless stepparent who every day watches his or her spouse be a parent who does not want more children. These links are provided to help those who are sad or even devastated about not having children.

Childless Stepmoms Chat a message board for childless stepmoms and former childless stepmoms
Simple tips to increase fertility *updated!
American Fertility Association
Resolve
Natural Health for Women
Baby Java
My Desire for Children One childless stepmom shares her pain.
Childless Not By Choice An online support group.
National Fertility Institution
Stepping Stones
Hannah's Prayer Ministries
The Internation Council on Infertility Information Dissemination, Inc.
Child of My Dreams
The Essential Resource in Obstetrics and Gynecology


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