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| There's A Kangaroo On My Balcony |
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| Quotes |
| " I may have been born yesterday, but I still went shopping."-Buddy Cole "Mix, mix, stir, stir,I married young it's all a blur."-the potatoe salad lady " I'm crushing your head!"-the headcrusher "Now if you all remember class all great paintings have a element of tragedy to them for instance if you remember from last week, the unicorn was stuck on the aircraft carrier and couldn't get off and that was very sad."-Darril "Popcan, money. office, submarine!"-guy at Creative Possibilities "Sir I asertain that it's their poblem. They're jealous of me. It's my right to asertain things. You'd talk to them about their being upset about my ascertaination!"-Williams "I mean we've been coming here for 50 years and performing anal probes and all we've learned is that 1 out of 10 doesn't really seem to mind."-anal probing alien " I'm here to serve you master annnddd satan!!!!!!"- Hecubus "I'm a little thursty, could I go and drink out of your toilet?"-the Chicken Lady "Don't avoid the hounds of hell, don't avoid the beasts of brimestone, do not avoid the puppies of purgetury..."-Sir Simon "Slipped my mind." "Will do."-Dean "I sell Shoes!Thank you satan!"-Evan "Then in the summer of '69, I grew a tail."-Farmer "You can't fire me! I'm from France!"-Monque the pyromaniac "You know why they call it crazee glue? Because the guy who invented didn't patent it, got no money and the grief drove him insane! And instead of holding his arms with a stright jacket, they held his arms with crazee glue. His own crazee glue."-Gavin "Shoot first, ask questions later."- Dave "Gee, I wonder who owns that moon."-Dave "Is it garbage just because we found it in the garbge?"- brother "You want me to give you a quater so that you can masterbate in front of my child?"-Dave "Come on honey, a cow died for this steak."-Mark "All the girls want to know who's the cutest boy on death row?"-Bruce "The beard stays, you go!"-Kevin "Come on take out your dentures. It'll be fun I'll crush your head."-headcrusher "I wasn't always the waiter with stubs for hands. No I was Eric, the waiter with hands for hands."-Stumps the waiter "I gotta go out and plant the sheep."-Scott "Can I have a tea... a ceromilli tea?"-Mr. Tisane "Jerry you are clearly insane!"-Jerry Sizzler "Oh my god, she's really close to Mr.Bilbo.I hope he dosen't get any ideas and make a break for it."-Kevin "Not the hook end you moron!"-Mark "I'm so full of beans today!"-Kathy "Ofcorse their good, cause their fresh. Straight out of my body and on to your plate."-the ChickenLady "I'm a whiner without dignity I'll make your life hell!"-Kevin "Now I'm more confused than a horny bisexual in an orgy."-Bruce "I have your rash cream, Master."-Hecubus "Lava sava kuti!"-the sleep of ages by Sir Simon "Tonight Evil sleeps alone. But first, Evil walks alone. . .to a magazine shop. . .to purchase porn." Sir Simon So your not from Toronto?"- Dave in the chicken lady has a date sketch "So you thought it was good... Yeah. I guess it was pretty good. FOR A MISTER WRONG GUY!" -Lyle Jordon "We broke up a couple of months ago. I told a lot of other people, I just never got around to telling you. Sorry." - Dave "If I was stranded on a desert island, and I could only have one person, one book, and one record with me, I'd probably die of exposure."-Dave, "On The Subject of Me" "I can still perform marriages as long as I don't practice homosexuality during the ceremony. It's so I wont come on to the groom."-Buddy Cole "I feel a sense of emptiness inside, since the hazardous waste people came and took away those old paint cans."-Scott does small talk in bed "I made a very fine trout gravy this year young man!"-Dave in "Bellini Day" "Everybody's wearing two ties nowadays. It's the 90s."-Scott explains his two ties "So what weighs more: the Bible or a compilation copy of Gary Larson's Far Side cartoons?"-Preacher Character "It's very complicated, ma'am. Allow me to explain. The Ex-Girlfriends Relocation Organization is an organization that relocates ex-girlfriends. Gee, it's not really that complicated after all."-Dave as the Ex-Girlfriends Relocation Organization Representative "Americans know as much about Canada as straight people do about gays. Americans arrive at the border with skis in July, and straight people think that being gay is just a phase. A very long phase. When I'm overseas, and people mistake me for an American, I'm outraged as when I'm mistaken for straight."-Scott as Buddy Cole "Aw, come on! I only drink when I feel like getting drunk!"-Sharisse, the White Trash Woman "We're not here right now...uh...we're somewhere else..."-Kevin's Christine Greed is good, but gravy is better."-Mark "You know what I love about you? Your constancy. You haven't changed one bit in 20 years."- Hildegard "Call now, call often. Unless of course this is a rerun...in which case I wonder if I'm dead..."-Mark |
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