Quantum Weirdness! O.o
It's quantum...it's weird...it's something I wrote at school one day, when there must have been
ABSOLUTELY nothing else to do. This little piece of literature brings the phrase, "Just don't ask" to mind.
So, take my mind's advice -- and Just. Don't. Ask. I mean it.
Warning: Contains several references to anime characters. Just ignore them if you don't know what I'm talking about. Or if you have an insatiable desire to understand everything, pretty much all of it can be explained here.
.............................
-Ms. Gwinn: *"Peanuts" teacher voice* "Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah, MWAH!" *Crazy-Ms. Gwinn-enthusiastic dance of "I love physics."*
-Aki: *Drools* "SNOOOOOOOOORE."
// Once upon a time at Kentridge High School, Aki was bored. Not that this is a particularly phenominal occurance, but nevertheless, it happened. On this certain day while Aki sat in 1st period, her younger sister endured similar symptoms of tedium...
-Ms. Thies (pronounced "TICE" -- not like those things attached to your pelvis): *Monotone buzzing noise* "Bzz bzzzzzz bzz bzz bzzz, bzzzzzzz!"
-Yoshi: *Headphones on.*
-Headphones: "La la la la la..."
-Ms. Thies: "*GASP!* BZZZZZ? BZZ BZZZZ BZZ! *Waggles paintbrush*" (Translation: "Miss Helander? Take off those headphones! *Waggles paintbrush*")
-Yoshi: *Tears* "NOOOOOOOOOO!"
// So, both elder Netilieiy sisters seemed to be in a pickle -- and, as everyone knows, boredom is the vinegariest pickle. And with Aki trying to follow Ms. Gwinn's hypnotic-dance-of-ridiculously-simple-physics and Yoshi attempting to survive a nanosecond without music, the boredom was so thick both girls could practically taste the putrid acidic pickleness. They were at an impass, it seemed. But all hope was not lost...
-Ms. Gwinn: "So mwah mwah mwah, therefore mwah mw--"
-Tii: *Pop* "SQUEAL, oooo I'm so cute!"
// Note: "Pop," in this context, means "Appears out of thin air, accompanied by a noise that sounds very much like 'pop.'"
// The class stares.
-Tii: "I'm so cute, I hardly know what to do with myself! I -- ah...um..."
// Tii looks left.
// Tii looks right.
// Tii blinks.
-Tii: "Er...where am I?"
-Aki: *Gapes* "Ah...in my class, I guess."
// Tii looks at Aki and greets her jovially, then reverts back to being dumbfounded.
-Tii: "So...how'd I get here?"
-Aki: *Shrugs* "Dunno."
-Ms. Gwinn: "Mwah?"
// A flowerpot quite promptly appears on top of Ms. Gwinn's head.
-Flowerpot: *Pop.*
-Ms. Gwinn: "O.o AUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!"
-Aki: "Hm...that's odd."
-Yoshi: *Pop* "WAAAAH, NO MUSIC....*sniff*....uh....whoa, when'd I show up here?"
-Aki: *Blinks* "Er...about 5 seconds ago."
-Yoshi: "....Okay. Hey, is it just me, or have some weird things been happening today?"
Ms. Gwinn: *Flaps arms* "AHHHHHH GET IT OFF GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!"
-Yoshi: "...Hm...I'll take that as a 'Yes.'"
-Tii: "Man, I'm cute."
// Bubbles suddenly start streaming out of Aki's classmates' ears.
-Classmates: *Bubble* "AUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
-Yoshi: "....Yes, definitely weird."
// In a completely reciprocal manner to the oddness that has become normalcy today, the three sisters pop and the classroom disappears.
// The Netilieiy reappear and find themselves on the moon, fully garbed in NASA spacesuits and helmets.
-Aki: "..............."
-Yoshi: "..............."
-Tii: "..............."
-Aki: "....*Bounce.* HEY, LOOK HOW HIGH I CAN JUMP!"
-Yoshi & Tii: "....NEAT!"
-Netilieiy: *Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce.*
-Hiei: *Pop* "................."
// Hiei looks down at his spacesuit, out at the barren expanse of lunar rock surrounding him, and also notes that his hair is being cramped by some sort of helmet.
-Hiei: "........Hn."
-Netilieiy: "WOOOOOOOOOO!" *Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce.*
-Hiei: *Twitch* "...............STOP THAT!"
-Netilieiy: *Blink* "....HEY, HIEI!"
-Hiei: "Oh, shut u--" *Pop.*
-Netilieiy: ".....Awwwww, he's gone....."
-Netilieiy: *Pop.*
// The sisters reappear in the Amazonian rainforest, wearing alligator skins, ferns and piranha-tooth necklaces.
-Aki: "....Ah...."
-Netilieiy: *Pop.*
// The girls suddenly reappear at school, sitting in the cafeteria during first lunch.
-Erica: ".....When did you get there?"
-Felicia: "Hey, is that your little sister?" *Points.*
// Everyone looks at Tii.
-Yoshi: "This is getting very strange."
// The lunchtable looks nonplussed.
// Now, at this point, while the reader may be amused by these unusual sequences, he or she probably cannot help but wonder what the heck is going on, exactly. Well, unbeknownst to the three heroines, the extreme state of boredom occupied by Yoshi and Aki in the morning triggered a vibratory reaction that amplified the quantum waves surrounding them! Suddenly, quantum fluxuations have permiated the superatomic barrier! Quantum foam has flooded the macromolecular universe! In this state, the world has no rhyme or reason! Matter can appear and disappear, pass though physical structures, or change shape and form at the whim of randomness! Chaos is the law!
// A moose appears atop the lunch table.
-Moose: *Pop.*
// The moose sniffs around and starts snacking on Carli's pretzel.
-Carli: "....Ewwww."
// The moose chews disdainfully at Carli and turns purple.
// Sweatdrops all around.
-Aki: "AHHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS RANDOMNESS?!"
-Heisenberg: *Pop* "Obviously, my Uncertainty Principle is coming into play here."
-Kuwabara: *Pop* "Hm, yes...If vibrations with very specific frequencies were generated from an extreme situation, such as, say, a highly vinegarous boredom pickle, they just might be able to interfere with quantum fluxuations on the subatomic level, therefore magnifying the effects on a grand scale!" *Kuwa takes out his scientific journal and jots down a few notes before popping into oblivion.*
-Everyone: "O.O NO WAY...Smart Kuwa?!"
-Tii: "Okay, something really weird must be going on here!"
-Yoshi's head: *Pop.*
-Aki: ".....Yoshi, did your head just pop?"
-Moose: *While his feet swell to an enormous size* "No, that wasn't her head -- it was those ears that just appeared on her head."
-Tii: "Wait, aren't those...?"
-Inuyasha's Ears: *Wiggle.*
// Yoshi tugs at her newly-aquired fuzzy lobes and ponders.
-Yoshi: "Hm...this might be a little akward for someone out there..."
// Somewhere in feudal Japan...
-Inuyasha: *Pats head* "Hey..." *Pat pat* "...DAMN IT, WHERE ARE MY EARS?!"
// Back in the cafeteria...
-Yoshi: *Shrugs* "Oh well! Hey, everyone, look what I can do with my ears!"
// Yoshi flattens Inuyasha's ears.
// Yoshi perks Inuyasha's ears.
// Inuyasha's ears go "pop."
-Yoshi: *Pat pat* "........" *Pat pat* "....AWWWWW, WHERE'D MY EARS GO???!!!"
// The moose coughs guttorally, clears his throat, and spits out two live goldfish and a canary.
// The cafeteria and all its usual inhabitants disappear, and the setting is replaced by the mountainside of a frothing, spewing volcano.
// The quantum travelers notice a nonchalant flow of lava charging toward them.
-Everyone: "..............."
// The firey magma rolls ever closer at a frightening speed, destroying all vegetation in its way with intense heat.
-Everyone: "................"
-Ranma: *Pop* "Oh yeah?! Call me a crossdresser, will ya? Well, TAKE THIS, RYOGA!"
// Ranma violently chucks a bucket of water out in front of him, its intended target many planes of reality away.
// The cool water, which was a surprisingly massive amount for fitting in Ranma's handheld bucket, douses the lava just in time and immediately solidifies it.
-Everyone: "..........O.O;;;"
-Yoshi: "Is water...supposed to be able to do that?"
-Ranma: *Peers inside bucket* "Wow...pretty powerful stuff! Hey, where am I, anyway?"
-Aki *Growls* "Saotome???"
-Ranma: "Hm?"
-Aki *Twitch twitch* "GET OFFA MY HEAD!!!"
// Ranma hops off Aki's head and tells her she doesn't need to be so snippy about it before disappearing back into the quantum flow.
-Moose: "So...what do we do now?" *Tongue falls out.*
-Tii: "Well, we are on a volcano..."
-Yoshi: *Sparkles* "YEAH, LET'S BUILD THE NERD NERVE!"
-Nerd Nerve: *Pop.*
// Yoshi's dream nerd hotspot -- building, supplies, nerds and all -- materializes next to them.
-Heisenberg: "*GAAAAAAASP!* OH, I'VE FOUND MY TRUE HOME!"
// Heisenberg bounds happily into the Nerd Nerve and parties with his sacred bretheren.
-Everyone Else: "........" *Shrug.*
// All herd into the Nerd Nerve, considering it couldn't possibly be the strangest thing they'd done that day.
// So what is the moral of this story? Nothing. There is absolutely no moral. Except perhaps that quantum weirdness is weird. And weird isn't all that bad. In fact, weird is quite good. Supervinegarous pickles, on the other hand, are always bad. Until the next quantum fluxuation, this is your narrarator, signing out. *Pop.*
// The End