Disclaimer: all things Raven belong to Lupo and company.
Time: Various
Place: Equally various
Spoilers: ::laughter::
Rating: G; Drama; Holiday Hurt/Comfort.
"Blue Christmas"
© 2000, dragon
December 25, 1993 Somewhere in Hawaii
He sat in the exact center of a wooden deck, on a small cushion, his long, lean legs folded beneath him in the prescribed manner. His hands rested on his thighs, almost on his knees. His hands were relaxed, his arms were relaxed, he was relaxed. He was meditating. He was clearing his mind of thoughts of vengeance, of thoughts of strife, of frustrations, of hopes, of dreams. He was clearing his mind of everything. He sat alone, the sun shining down on him, the water blue beyond the edge of the deck, his world perfect. He strove to maintain this clarity of mind, this emptiness, this calm.
Herman "Ski" Jablonski looked around at the twinkling lights festooned around Big Kahuna's Bar and Grill. He shook his head and took another sip of his iced tea. Somehow, it just didn't seem like Christmas with all this greenery and heat. Little red capped Santa's in swimming trunks on surf boards decorated the bar and the tables. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer inflatable toys added to the incongruity. For once, Ski was sitting alone at a table, watching the world go by. His whisky edged voice was silent. His usual bevy of hard bodied beach bunnies was no where to be seen. Ski's mind was on other times, other places.
He thought about Oklahoma and snow. He remembered cold, wet weather where getting inside to get warm was the only thought. He remembered shared warmth, a woman he thought had loved him. Hell, maybe she did. But he had lost that love, lost the warmth, lost his family in losing himself. It wasn't the drink, it was the failure that the drink had represented. He'd failed his best friend and lost himself in the process. He wondered where he'd be today if he hadn't made that error of judgment, hadn't followed the one order he should have disobeyed.
December 25, 1994
The tall, dark haired man with the dragon tattoo on his back sat in the exact center of a wooden deck, on a small cushion, his long, lean legs folded beneath him in the prescribed manner. His hands resting on his thighs, almost on his knees. He cleared his mind of thoughts of vengeance, of thoughts of strife, of frustrations, of hopes, of dreams. He sat alone, the sun shining down on him, the water blue beyond the edge of the deck, his world not quite perfect, but acceptable. He opened his eyes and looked out over the water, his eyes dark and hollow. Another year had passed. He was no closer to his goal than he had been when he came to Hawaii two years earlier.
Ski Jablonski sat alone at a table drinking iced tea and reading a book. BK, the owner of Big Kahuna's looked at one of his best customers and friends and wondered what the big man thought about today. Normally so noisy and friendly, today seemed to be a bad day for the man. BK looked around for the other man who was usually nearby. Odd, he hadn’t seen him all day. Probably wouldn't see him tonight either. Given their friendship, it was sad that they were apart today instead of together.
December 25, 1996
The tall, dark haired man with the dragon tattoo on his back sat in the exact center of a wooden deck, on a small cushion, his long, lean legs folded beneath him in the prescribed manner. His hands resting on his thighs, almost on his knees. He cleared his mind of all thoughts. He sat alone, the sun shining down on him, the water blue beyond the edge of the deck, his world touching others, but never being touched. He opened his eyes and looked out over the water, his eyes dark and sad. His search for his son was still just that, a search. After all this time, he was beginning to believe that he would never locate the boy Aki had birthed. Wherever the boy was, he was better off without his blood father, without the heritage of blood he would bring to the boy. He sat, dry eyed, staring out at the sea.
Ski sat alone on his boat the Brewski, sipping iced tea and staring out past the masts in the marina toward the sunset. He'd been in Hawaii for four years helping Jonathan follow up every lead on his son he could, helping him help people, helping him survive. The leads were thinning out, disappearing. He was beginning to think the boy was dead already, or so well hidden that the leads were doled out to them by the Black Dragons to string them along. After fourteen years, the boy was nearly old enough not to need them, not to want to know a blood father who had abandoned him and his mother. It was depressing.
December 25, 1997
Jonathan Raven sat erect in the exact center of a wooden deck, on a small cushion, his long, lean legs folded beneath him in the prescribed manner. His hands resting on his thighs, almost on his knees. He had cleared his mind of all thoughts. He sat alone, the sun shining down on him, the water blue beyond the edge of the deck. Fifteen years had passed since he had learned that Hikari had entered the world and he had never been farther from finding the boy. A tear trickled down his cheek in sorrow for all that might have been.
Ski sat at a table near the window in a hotel in Aspen, Colorado and looked out at the snow. He drank hot tea and ignored the looks of the amiable young women who passed by him. He was well dressed, and looked good for a man of his years, in spite of the drink and hard living. He had left Hawaii for the holidays because he was tired of looking at so much living when all he felt was dead. He loved the life in Hawaii, it suited him. But he was watching his best friend become more and more remote with each passing year, watching him withdraw into a shell, not the hard and cruel shell he had projected when he was younger, a shell of things that might have been. He didn't know how to breach that shell.
December 25, 1998
The tall, lean, dark haired man stood looking out at the sea from a cliff top. The wind ruffled his dark curls, the black only just beginning to be touched by strands of white. In a few years he might be a distinguished prematurely gray. He had sworn to himself that if another year passed and he had not found his son, he would leave Hawaii. He had been here for far too long. Six years of searching, of helping people, of watching Ski grow older and more alone. He would leave soon, leaving Ski behind, letting him get on with his life. Somewhere there was a boy of mixed Japanese and American ancestry who carried his genetic imprint. Someday, they would meet. He hoped they would meet.
Ski stopped by his friend's house with an invitation to dinner from another friend. The house was dark. He stood, shoulders slumped, and felt very, very old. He wiped a suspicious moisture from his eye and turned away. No point in wasting a free meal and good company. He looked back with a touch of longing. Time was catching up with both of them.
December 25, 1999
Ski sat on the wooden deck overlooking the ocean and wondered where his friend was. The sky was blue, the ocean clear, the sun shone overhead. The garden was a little overgrown. Ski didn't have the green thumb or the patience Jonathan had. He sipped at a cold beer and listened to the barbecue fire behind him. Soon, the kids from the orphanage and their adult overseers would be there and he would play St. Nick to the best of his ability. But the one kid he'd like to see wouldn't be there, and neither would his father.
Jonathan Raven lay cold and freezing in the snow on the slopes of a mountain. He had followed a lead here, had lost himself in the snow. He wondered if anyone would notice he was missing. So solitary had he been, he thought he might stay there until the summer thaw before anyone noticed his passing. He wondered what Ski was doing. He wondered what Hikari, his son, was doing. He wondered if they were observing Christmas with friends and family and hoped they were. He found memories of Christmas with his father and mother coming to chide him for letting the season go for so long. He found the pain of their passing had lessened over the years, or maybe it was just the cold. He was just on the edge of letting the cold take him into dreams when something warm and wet passed over his face. He frowned and pried his eyes open to look into the big, warm, fuzzy face of the biggest St. Bernard he had ever met. This wasn't happening.
December 22, 2000
He sat in the exact center of a wooden deck, on a small cushion, his long, lean legs folded beneath him in the prescribed manner. His hands rested on his thighs, almost on his knees. The scarring from the frostbite he'd suffered a year earlier was fading. His hands were relaxed, his arms were relaxed, he was relaxed. He was meditating. He mind was clear. He sat alone, the sun shining down on him, the water blue beyond the edge of the deck. He heard a sound behind him. A footstep, soft and respectful. He felt the silent regard of another. He opened his eyes, he turned to look into the wide almond eyes of a young oriental woman. Blue black hair cascaded down her back, her bone structure was stronger than Aki's had been, a half smile curved lips that resembled his own.
"Jonathan Raven?" her softly accented voice asked.
He nodded, words eluding him.
"I think I have something . . . to tell you. Does this mean something to you?" She lifted the hem of her t-shirt to reveal a perfect hour glass birthmark, on its side, right where Hikari should have his. She could see the answer in his face, in his silence. "I'm Hikari's sister, his twin sister. We thought it would be best if I found you, because no one seems to be looking for me."
He looked into her dark eyes and saw the truth. He blinked a sudden wetness from his eyes and stood up. "Ski!!!" he bellowed.
Ski looked up from his newspaper and out the back door. His eyebrows rose as he watched his friend gather a slender oriental gal into a bear hug that looked like it might damage the fragile looking lady. He frowned, pulled on his shoes and walked outside. Jonathan released the girl to look at his friend, wonder and life shining in his eyes again.
"You bellowed?"
Jonathan laughed, the first genuine laugh Ski had heard out of him in months. "Ski, this is my daughter. And she knows where Hikari is."
End
Author's note: Merry Christmas. And here you thought it was all gonna be blue. Ba-da-bing. Ba-da-boom.
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dragonhavn@zianet.com
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