See Part One for Disclaimers

Part Twelve

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>>dream or flashback<<
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Back in their room, Heero was busily gathering his things.

"What are you doing?" Duo asked.

"I'm going to stay next door; there's no need for you to sleep on a cot anymore."

"That's right, Trowa has his own private room now."  Duo's tone held no animosity, but the knowledge of defeat.

"Before you head off," Duo began, "answer me one thing.  What did she tell  you to make you believe her about Trowa?"

The room before Heero vanished, and he was back in Sym's quarters, listening with skepticism to her theory.

>>>>>"You have a traitor in your midst?"

"Possibly; I've been neither able to confirm or dismiss this."

"Mr. Barton is. . ." she paused.  "Trowa is not who he appears to be."

"What are you saying?"

"He's your traitor."

"How could you possibly know?"

"Let me show you."  Sym closed her eyes momentarily; when she reopened them, she wore a warm smile.  "You really should tell Mr. Maxwell you're in love with him."

Outwardly, Heero didn't even flinch; inside, however, his mind began to race.  How did she know this?  I don't  think anyone could have guessed; I'm always careful to keep everything hidden.  How the hell did she know?

"I'll tell you how I knew, Heero.  I looked, and there it was.  Although I must say, I don't know why you were thinking about him while we were discussing Trowa."  Sym's attempt at lightening his mood didn't help.

"Are you trying to tell me you can read people's thoughts?"

"Oh not just thoughts; memories, too.  If I try hard enough, I can even see things that the person themselves doesn't even know is there."

"I'm having trouble believing this.  I've seen this kind of thing before, and it always turns out to be a hoax."

"What about the Nelson Project?  Over 60% of the test subjects exhibited some sort of psychic power by the study's end."

"I've read about that.  It sounded to me like a lot of the tests they conducted were overly biased.  At any rate, you weren't part of that study."

"No, I wasn't.  My abilities are natural.  When I looked into Trowa's mind, I saw darkness and cruelty.  He's not the person  any of you think he is.  I've looked into hundreds of minds, maybe thousands; I've lost count.  And his was by far one of the most disturbing.  It was almost like he didn't have the ability to experience human emotions."  She stopped and looked more intently at Heero.  "You know, he's been like a recorder, sending every tiny piece of information he hears back to his superiors."

Heero was reeling from the things she was telling him.  If she's telling me the truth, then we're in big trouble.  This whole mission has been compromised.  Realizing that she could probably hear his thoughts, Heero abruptly began speaking.  "I'm sure you believe this all to be true, but. . ."

Colonel Novaya cut him off.  "I can give you all The Organization's official files on me; we haven't tried to keep this a secret.  Sometimes, that's the biggest insurance that something will remain confidential.  Kharik always says hiding things out in the open, where everyone can see them is the best way to make sure no one notices them."

"You still haven't provided me with one single piece of solid proof."

"God, you're stubborn!  Okay, I'll show you the way I told my mother about this when I was little.  Let's play a game.  You think of something, and I'll tell you what you're thinking."  She smiled rather playfully, once again reminding him of Duo.

"Does  everything I do remind you of Duo?"

I'll play.  If for no other reason than to prove she's just very observant, like Trowa.  "Okay, what am I thinking?"  Heero pictured something he thought there was no way she could possibly ever guess about.

"Let's see, after you pushed a few thoughts of Duo out of you head, you started picturing a woman, very lean and graceful, very beautiful.  She's got flowing dark hair and blue eyes the color of the sea.  Her skin is cherry-blossom pink and you love her very much."

Heero would have fainted had he not been conditioned against it.  "Who is she?" he demanded, terrified that Sym would know.

"Your mother, or what you imagined she would have looked like.  You kept that picture with you through everything that happened.  It was the only thing you had to draw strength from,. . .until you met Duo."

What is she?

"Do you see why The Organization wanted me to work for them?"  She looked down at her feet.  "I wouldn't have stayed in the military after the war if it hadn't been for Kharik."

Oh god, this is real.  "I have no choice but to believe you.  I'll need to see those reports you talked about, but I'm going to go talk to Kharik about this.  We should probably go ahead and detain Trowa."  His words held none of their usual conviction.  A thought occurred to him.  "Were you able to tell who he was working for?"

"No, he's able to keep his mind partially shielded; he could have been trained how to do it.  It's easier than you'd think."

Heero hung his head, not believing what he was about to do.  "This has to be some mistake." He whispered.

"The mistake has been yours." Sym said, in a voice that was strangely sympathetic and accusatory at the same time.<<<<<

"Well, what did she tell you?" Duo asked again.

The Japanese pilot snapped back to the present.  "Just a few things about my childhood; same as Quatre."  Sym's voice sang in his mind.  'You should tell him. . .'  Maybe she was right; maybe it was the right time.  If I try to wait until all the hostilities are over, I'll  never tell him.  At the very least, he could help me stay away from him if he knew about it.

Heero didn't even allow himself to think about what he would do if Duo loved him, too.  That's too much to hope for, isn't it?  When have I ever been that lucky?

Heero grabbed his bag and zipped it up.  "That's everything.  I'm going next door.  We're picking up Muya tomorrow morning, don't forget."

Duo frowned, looking a lot like the life had all been drained from his eyes.  "It's going to be weird going on a mission without Trowa."

I'll talk to him tomorrow, when we get back.  "We'll meet at the truck at 0800."

Duo watched Heero leave, then sadly sat on the bed the boy had just vacated.  As he laid down and drifted off to sleep, Duo thought, It smells like Heero.

*      *      *

The mission to retrieve Muya Kemerov went off without a hitch, even though only three of them went this time; they didn't really  need five people just to grab the doctor, so Wufei had stayed behind, against his rather loud protests.

When they returned to the Bodaybo base, Quatre declared that he was going back to sleep.  This worried both Duo and Heero; everyone  knew what a morning person the little blonde was.

"They say you sleep a lot when you're depressed; I guess so you don't have to deal with life." Duo said, mostly to himself.

Heero was a little surprised.  "You think Quatre is depressed?  He always acts so cheerful."

The American gave him a puzzled look.  "I'm really shocked that you'd care.  Quatre has problems, same as anyone."

"Hn.  Duo, I need to talk to you."  It's now or never. . .

Those beautiful, frightening eyes looked into his.  I'm never going to get this out if he doesn't stop looking at me like that.

"About what?  Should I go get Quatre and Wufei?"

"No, this only concerns you. . .and me."  Not here, we should go somewhere less public.  "Follow me."  It came out as an order rather than a request.

"Yes sir!" Duo teased with the tiny amount of spirit he had left.

Heero led the boy to the West Side of the base, near a small crop of trees.  There was nowhere to sit, but Heero didn't want to go inside; he always found it more peaceful outdoors.

Duo's curiosity was thoroughly piqued by now.  "What's this all about?  Don't tell me, Sym had a flash that I was one of Trowa's co-conspirators!"

Amazing, he can still joke after all this.  If I had half of his spirit, I really would be perfect like everyone thinks I am.  "Nothing like that."  Heero didn't speak for a while, and they both occupied themselves with leaning against the outer wall of the base.

After a few minutes, Heero began.  "What I have to tell you is difficult, especially for me.  When I was a boy, the only piece of advice I ever got on how to live my life was to live by my emotions.  Then, when I was trained to be a Gundam pilot, that advice was driven out of me.  I guess what I'm trying to get at is that, for me, living is an exercise in control."

"Why are you telling me this?  I don't mind, not at all, but you're usually so quiet and reserved."

"You need to know; I wouldn't be saying any of this if I didn't think that you need to hear it."

Duo nodded and stared off into the trees.

Heero continued, directing his gaze to the trees as well.  "I'm having trouble controlling myself lately, which I can't afford.  The Organization can't afford it either.  I need your help."

"Whatever it is, name it."  Duo turned to look at Heero now.

This is going to be a jump, but. . .  "Duo, I love you."  As soon as the words were out, he desperately wanted to suck them back in.  This was a bad idea.

Duo seemed unaffected.  "I love you too, man."

Oh god, am I going to have to say it again?  "You don't understand.  I'm in love with you."

"What?  Is this some kind of sick joke?  Are you trying to get information out of me or something?"

"No joke, nothing like that.  I wouldn't have told you, except that keeping it hidden is starting to impair my judgment.  I figured if you knew about it, you could help me overcome it."

"How romantic. . ." Duo muttered.  "You're serious?  I mean, really?  You're like, in love with me?"

"Yes." He said quietly.

"Oh man, this is worse than the time Master O beat the crap out of me!"  The American began to pace around, like he always did when he was upset, leaving footprints in the snow.  "Heero, I. . .god, what can I say to something like this."  A thought seemed to occur to him.  "We're barely even friends; how can you be in love with me?  You don't know  anything about me!"

"I didn't choose this; it just happened."

"It just happened?  Like that?"  Duo snapped his fingers, becoming more frantic with every word.  "How can you just drop something like this on me?  You could have dropped a few hints first, prepared me a little.  This is like an ambush."

"So can you help me?" he asked, trying to look Duo in the eyes.

"Help you?  What, you mean control this, eventually make it go away?  Hell, if I could, everyone in the world would want to hear about it.  There's really nothing anyone can  do about it.  Hopefully, if you give it a little time, you'll realize that this was just a silly crush."  Duo stopped pacing and leaned back against the wall.

Heero pondered that a moment.  "And if it's not?"

Duo's eyes clouded over and he turned his head away.  "Then you'll never be able to get rid of this feeling and suffer for the rest of your life.  Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Heero drummed up enough courage to ask the next question.  "I take it you don't feel the same?"

Duo took to pacing again, throwing his hands into his pockets.  "You're gonna' make me say it, aren't you?"  

He sounds almost angry.

"Fine."  Duo continued.  "No Heero, I'm not in love with you.  I love you, yes, like I love the others; you guys are the only friends I have.  Of course, you've ruined that now."

"Do people always get so angry when you tell them you love them?"  Heero looked, for a moment, like an innocent child.

"I'm sorry, Heero.  I just don't know what else I can say.  I'm sorry."  He turned to leave, fighting the urge to run.

Heero remained, staring at Duo's footprints, until it started to snow.  The tracks were slowly being covered over, seeming to erase the American's presence from existence.

The End

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