Disclaimers:  Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
Rating:  Overall, this series gets a NC-17

Warnings:  Could possibly offend some people...we have here major angst, death, rape, certain people are intentionally ooc, others might be ooc unintentionally ^_^;; bad language, violence,...but also, humor, sap, etc.  Also, this needs a major WEIRD warning!

Feedback:  I'd love to hear  anything you have to say!  In other words, if you read it, let me know! ^_^

Notes:  This is a big-time AU that probably follows about 60% of what was in the original series, but then takes a turn for the WEIRD.  There are some very important differences between this universe and the original.  The only thing you need to know beforehand, though, is that Quatre and Trowa have no reason to be 'special friends' here...so that whole thing where Trowa hung out at Quatre's house and they had their duet together never happened...yet.  Special Notes:  Revelations begins about five months after the war is over...think of it as an 'instead of Endless Waltz' kind of thing.

Revelations: Book One
-- The Impressionist

© 2000, Cassiopeia

Part One

***********************
>>dream or flashback<<
***********************


"Relena?  Can I speak with you a moment?"  The dark-haired woman hated having to do this, but it was necessary.

"Certainly.  Won't you come in?"  The young girl raised her arm towards the interior of her office as she spoke.  Following her aide inside, she closed the door behind them.  Relena casually flopped onto the rich leather sofa, motioning for the other to sit next to her.  "Now, what can I help you with, Noin?"

She  really didn't want to explain this to Relena.  "Well, you may have heard that I'm getting married in a few months..."

The girl cut her off excitedly.  "Yes, I know.  I'm so terribly happy for you!"

Noin did her best to smile.  "Thank you.  I'm going to need to take a little time..."

Relena cut her off again.  "Of course.  I knew you'd be wanting a few weeks around the wedding.  Just let me know and I'll make arrangements."

"Thank you, but that's not exactly what I meant.  The wedding's not until July."  She paused, not wanting to go on.  She knew Relena would ask questions she didn't want to answer, knew what the girl's reaction to her next statement would be.

"How much time will you be wanting?"  Relena attempted to sound calm, casual even, but her voice quavered ever so slightly.  She could barely stand the thought of being without Noin, her advisor.  What would she do if something happened while she was gone?  Who would she turn to, the butler?  But still, she couldn't begrudge the woman time off for her own wedding.

Noin took a deep breath, deciding it was now or never.  "In May, two weeks from now, Quatre wants me to go on a little pre-wedding trip with him.  I'll only be gone three weeks."  She held her breath in anticipation of Relena's sure-to-be-hysterical reaction.  This is worse than the time I had the flu and was out for a week, and look how she reacted to that.  Pargan told me she almost had a nervous breakdown.

Relena's composure began to fade as Noin's words hit her.  "What?" she asked, a little shaky.  "I don't understand."  The girl looked down into her lap.  "I was prepared to do without you for a bit around your wedding, but, I never thought..."  She let her voice trail away, trying hard not to panic.  Noin was leaving, and her world slowly began to drop out from beneath her.

The former lieutenant remained patient.  She was used to Relena's extreme reliance on her, as unhealthy as it was.  "Miss Relena, you'll get along fine without me; I'll arrange for a suitable replacement while I'm away.  And before you know it, I'll be back."

Not knowing what else to do, Relena became whiny.  "But then you'll have to go away again for the wedding!"  She had liked Quatre fairly well up to this point, but now Relena began to resent him for trying to take Noin away from her.  "And what the hell is a 'pre-wedding trip' anyway?"

Oh god, she's cursing.  Noin knew that meant it was only a matter of time before the girl broke down into a weeping heap.  "Every year he goes abroad, in the summer.  This year he wants me to go with him."

Relena tried desperately to pull herself back together, but she was having trouble thinking straight.  Quietly, she asked "Where will you go?"

Noin shrugged.  "I'm not sure.  He has it all planned, though."  She made her voice as soothing as possible before continuing.  "I really have to go; I already agreed."

"I can't believe this!  Why do you have to go on a trip  before the wedding?  Most people go on a honeymoon after they're married."

The woman had had enough.  Calmly she stood, heading for the door.  "Relena, I'm going.  I'll make sure someone is here to help you while I'm gone."  She paused in her migration from the room, turning to face Relena a final time.  Her voice held a deep conviction.  "Everything will be just fine.  Really.  Good bye, Relena."  With that, she exited the luxurious office, Relena standing by the couch, mouth slightly open, a dazed look spreading across her face.

*      *      *

Duo walked into his living room to find three of his fellow pilots hovering around the television.  "What's goin' on?" he asked, yawning at the end.

Wufei glanced up at Duo, still wearing yesterday's clothes, a wrinkled mess.  "Maybe if you got up before noon once in a while you'd know."  As usual, his voice held an air of condescension that his roommates had long since learned to overlook.

Duo joined them in front of the TV, noticing Heero's absence.  "Where's Heero?"

Trowa pointed to the screen.  "He's in another parade."

Duo groaned.  "God, don't they ever quit!  How many times are they gonna'  celebrate the end of this war?"

Quatre raised his head, turning his gaze on Duo.  "We should all be celebrating the end of a war.  All the death and chaos is finally over."  His face, however, held no smile or any other indication that he himself had been doing any celebrating.

"Just what are we supposed to be so happy about?  The thousands of people who died?  All the families and homes that were destroyed?"

Wufei smiled slightly.  "It could have been worse."  His voice became grim.  "A  lot worse."

Duo laughed at that.  "Don't I know it.  Still, it seems a little disrespectful to me.  If not of the dead, then at least to all the survivors who lost family and friends."

Trowa's face brightened nearly imperceptibly.  "I think you're jealous."

Shocked, Duo threw himself down on the sofa next to Trowa.  "What do you mean?"

"Heero's the one they always want for the parades, the interviews.  To the world, Heero's their savior; we're just his faithful disciples."

Duo let his mouth hang open for a long moment before shaking his head from side to side.  "What's to be jealous of?  Poor Heero doesn't get a moment's rest; he never has any time to himself.  He can't even go to the market without being mobbed!"

Trowa knew he had this figured out.  "True, that type of life doesn't appeal to someone like Heero, or me for that matter, but I think someone like you would enjoy all that attention."

Duo leapt off the sofa in anger as he spoke.  "Someone like me...just what the hell do you mean by that?"

Quatre didn't like the way this was going.  After five months of sharing a home, they were all beginning to get on each other's nerves.  "Guys, why don't we continue this later.  I think we've all got work we could be doing."

The other three recognized Quatre's request as the order it really was.  Normally, they would have ignored him, but, since Heero wasn't there, Quatre was unofficially in command.  Amid grumbles and numerous mumblings, the group dissipated, each going his own way.

*      *      *

He could see the end of the parade route up ahead on the horizon.  Finally, the ordeal would be over.  This is the last one of these things I'm agreeing to do.  It had been five months since the end of the war, wasn't it time to move on?  Idiots! he thought.

Don't they see the ridiculousness of this?  Celebrating like this was the war to end all wars.  "Huh!" he snorted aloud.  Heero knew that new conflicts would arise, new dictators would come to power, and the cycle would begin again.  Probably within the next few years.

Next time, I'll let one of the others save the world, so I won't have to go through this again!  He closed his eyes then, trying to drown out the madness around him.  He had almost succeeded when a shrill sound broke through his wall of silence.  His eyes flew open.

"Relena?"  He searched the crowd for her, but found the girl no where.  Of course, she wouldn't be here.  What did you expect, to see her in the middle of the crowd, calling your name?  No, yes, maybe...he wasn't sure.  He knew Relena was obsessed with him, but he wasn't sure how he felt about her.

I know I don't love her.  A pretty lofty claim from someone who had no idea what love was.  But I feel I need to protect her.  The car Heero was riding in abruptly stopped, bringing him back from his thoughts.  Thank god, it's over!  Grabbing his coat, which he'd had to remove due to the unseasonably warm spring day, he jumped out of the vehicle and headed for the car and driver designated for him.

Heero had to break into a run as certain members of the crowd pursued him.  What have I become?  Some kind of celebrity?  Throwing the coat down to distract them, he barely made it inside the car before they pounced.  Heero watched in horror as the crowd tore his coat into tiny pieces, each of his 'fans' wanting a souvenir.  He got the distinct impression they'd like to do the same thing to him.

*      *      *

After that afternoon's events, Wufei decided meditation was the way to go.  He knew the memories would come with the silence, but that was as it should be.  Pain was something to be conquered, mastered, and turned around to use to your advantage.  He switched of all the electric lights in his room, drawing the shades as well.

Wufei went to his closet and removed a small, thin, woven mat, unrolling it upon the floor.  He then placed four unadorned candles around the mat, one at each corner.  Kneeling, he struck a match and lit the nearest wick.  Wufei discarded the match and used the lit candle to light the next one.  He continued in this manner, passing the flame of one to the next, until all four were glowing.

He then settled into position on the mat, surrounded in light, and shut his eyes.  As he quieted his mind and let his defenses drop, he began to feel his being expand until he was so large that he filled the entire room.  The sounds the universe made that he was normally deaf to, he could now hear.  The energy emitted by all matter that he was normally immune to, he could now feel.  All was open to him and he was open to all.

With this blessed openness came the attack.  Now that he had dropped his defenses, the memories of home flooded into his mind, trying to overtake him.  By now, he knew the trick was not to fight them, but to let them come, let them come and sweep him away.

He saw them all then, the dead, giving him the gravest looks he had ever seen.  His parents, his young wife, the colony elders; they were all there.

It wasn't so bad, seeing them; it was what would follow that he dreaded.  It was the things they said to him that really disturbed him.  An elder opened his mouth and began to speak.  "Chang..."

A knock at the door distracted him momentarily, interrupting the elder's words.  Maybe if I don't answer, they'll go away.  The knocking continued.  No such luck.

Wufei quickly blew out all the candles, rolled up the mat, and stashed everything in his closet.  Going to the door, he already knew who it was.  Who else would have knocked so patiently, never saying a word?

"Trowa."  As he spoke, he slowly pulled open the door.

*      *      *

"Heero's back and he's got a mission for us."  Trowa spoke matter-of-factly, simply relaying the facts to Wufei, his voice betraying no emotion whatsoever.  An admirable trait in a soldier, if not in a friend.

Wufei looked a little off to Trowa, not quite all there.  Then he noticed the darkness of the room, the drawn shades, the smoke still hovering in the air, and he knew he'd interrupted something.  Perhaps he should apologize...no, nothing was more important than a mission, so even if he had interrupted something, it was inconsequential.  The message delivered, Trowa turned to leave.  Wufei's voice stopped him.

"Do you ever let them come, memories and emotions I mean.  Do you ever let yourself feel anymore?"

Trowa thought about answering him, thought about telling him that it was too risky to do that.  He kept his feelings locked safely away behind thick doors.  It terrified him to even consider opening those doors.  Once you started down that road, there was no turning back.  Once you allowed yourself to feel the pain, you would lose control.  And control was the one thing Trowa would never give up.

Of course, to Wufei's question, he simply turned and gave him a noncommittal look.  Wufei smirked at that, shaking his head.

"I thought you'd say that."

Trowa gave Wufei the tiniest of smiles and resumed his retreat back to Heero and the others.  They would all be waiting for them in what Duo had dubbed 'the war room'.  Actually, it was kind of Heero's office, where they all got together and discussed missions, official business and such.

Trowa thought of their last mission and almost shuddered.  What a disaster that had been.  They'd almost been captured by the terrorists.  Almost.  Trowa really hadn't  stopped thinking about their last mission.  He'd known something was wrong from the beginning.  It was too easy, almost like a trap.  And then when Quatre...

He suspected, but had not told any of the others, that there was an enemy among The Organization.  Maybe even one of them.  He certainly hoped that wasn't the case, but if it was, well, Trowa knew how to deal with traitors.

*      *      *

Sitting cross-legged in one of the war room's many large chairs, Quatre let out an impatient sigh.  Ever since Heero had returned from the parade, Quatre had been impatient.  He hated the way Heero ran things, hated the way everyone focused on Heero.  Who made him the boss anyway?

I can plan things much better; I'm the superior leader.  But frankly, Heero frightened him.  He wasn't about to openly challenge the Japanese boy's authority.  Still, one of these days, he's going to get himself killed, or kill himself, and I'll get my chance.

Not that Quatre wished for Heero's death, but he so enjoyed the times when he got to be in command; the others pretty much did whatever he said without question.  That kind of power brought a certain euphoria with it that Quatre was quickly becoming addicted to.

Just then, Trowa returned, followed shortly by Wufei.  Finally, we can get on with it.  Quatre wanted to hear the mission and get back to his vacation plans.  His thoughts ran to Noin, but Heero had decided to begin the briefing.

"I received this mission on the way home in the car.  We are to go north to this point,"  Heero indicated a location in northern Russia on the world map he had laid out on his desk.  "and await further instructions."

Quatre felt a little angry.  He knew Heero was withholding information from them; he always did.  Instead of accusing him, however, he cheerfully asked "When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow, ten hundred hours."

Great!  This meant his lunch date with Noin was off.  He wondered if she'd talked to Relena yet like she'd promised.  Quatre stood up.  "Well, if that's all, I've got some phone calls to make."

Heero just grunted in response; Quatre took that as a yes.  As he exited the room, a small smile spread across his face.  Maybe this will be the mission where Heero doesn't make it back.

*      *      *

As Quatre and the others filed out of the room, Duo remained lazily in his overstuffed chair by the office's only window.  Heero was so paranoid; he'd had all the others boarded up.  Duo chuckled every time he thought of that.  The door closed, and he was left alone with Heero.  "So, how was the parade?"  Duo tried not to sound sarcastic, not succeeding very well.

Heero stared at him, rather sadly, saying only "Fine."  Duo could have sworn he saw something in Heero's eyes indicating that the parade had been anything  but fine.  Probably just my imagination.

"Must have been nice, hearing all those people cheering for you."

Heero simply walked towards the door, opening it.  Before he left, however, he spoke, still facing the door.  "I'm sure you would have loved it."

That struck a chord in Duo; Heero had sounded so grim and cold.  I wonder what happened.  Maybe Trowa had been right; maybe Duo  did want Heero's life.  No!

No, that couldn't be right.  But maybe, just maybe, a little recognition would be nice.  If someone, anyone, had just stood up from the crowd and said 'Thank you, Duo Maxwell, for saving the Earth.'  Instead, all he ever heard was Heero this, Heero that.  God!  It was enough to make him crazy.  Heero deserves the recognition.

Yes, of course, but didn't they all deserve a little too?  Ha!  Recognition for what?  Murder?  Destruction?  Maiming?  No, perhaps none of them deserved any medals or adulation.  Perhaps they deserved to be punished...

The sounds of shattering glass and machine gun fire hit him like a blow to the back of the neck.  Or was he hit?  By a bullet, a shard of glass?  No time to wonder, though.  Diving to the floor, Duo covered the back of his head with his hands.  As the spray of bullets continued, the door to the war room flew open.  Heero stood in the doorway, worry etched on his face.

"Get down!"  Duo had to scream over all the noise.  Heero flung himself forcefully to the floor, taking up a similar position to Duo's.  "What the hell's going on?"  He knew he sounded too calm to be convincing, but it was the best the American could do under the circumstances.

"I don't know."  Heero was much better at it, his voice revealing no concern whatsoever.  The firing kept up for quite a while, and by the time it finally stopped and a car could be heard skidding off into the night, the war room was fairly destroyed.  Not only was there glass everywhere, but all of Heero's papers, the lamp, the wood paneling, everything lay in pieces all over the place.  Duo and Heero remained still for a while, making sure the assassins were gone before they dared to move.

Slowly, Duo began easing himself up off the floor.  As he stood, pieces of glass and wood fell off of him, and he could feel that he did indeed have a shard of two embedded in his neck.  As Heero began his own slow ascent, Quatre appeared at the door.  The boy's innocent facade fell away as he uttered the first word that came to his mind.  "Shit..."

Next Part

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