Airport security car with sounds going drives by, zoom in on 009. Car stops. Agent casually walks over (while carefully looking both directions) to a mysterious figure cloaked in shadows.
Agent: (whispering) are you the mysterious figure cloaked in shadows who I was told to meet?
Mysterious figure: Yes.
Agent: What orders from headquarters?
Mysterious figure: You are to go meet with the Conditioner.
Agent: You mean the Commissioner?
Mysterious figure: No, the Conditioner.
Agent: (in shock) The Conditioner? Is the case really that important? What about the Shampoo?
Mysterious figure: This case is too important for the shampoo.
Agent: Too important for the shampoo?
Mysterious figure: Yes. Iíve arranged very subtle transportation so that you wonít be noticed.
Limo drives a long with blaring sound
Voice on loudspeaker: ďMake way for an agent on the way to see the Conditioner for a very important and secret case!Ē
Agent walks hurriedly through a door and into an office
Conditioner: Yes, thatís me. (The conditioner is a bottle of conditioner with a pink wig on it)
Agent: You sent for me?
Conditioner: Yes Agent, Iím afraid Iíve got a very serious case on my hands, and you, being the best agent, is the only one I can entrust it with.
Agent: I just want to know one thing Conditioner.
Agent: Are you sure you shouldíve used Ďisí in the second sentence you said? It seemed like an Ďareí situation to me.
Conditioner: Are you questioning my grammar skills?
Agent: No sir, just mentioning it. Now, mind telling me what my case is?
Conditioner: (sounding annoyed) thatís what I was trying to tell you before you so rudely interrupted! I must now tell you who is behind this atrocity. Sit down. This may come as a shock.
Agent: (Sitting Down) who is it?
Conditioner: Itís.. (Dramatic pause) DR. Cheapo (hoarsely)! (Agent gasps as Duh Duh Duh plays) Do you know her?
Agent: Nope, never met her in my life.
Conditioner: Then why did you gasp?
Agent: Donít know. Just seemed like the kind of time to gasp. Mind telling me what her evil plot is?
Conditioner: Weíre not entirely sure, but we know itís got something to do with really big lasers and sheís going to charge us a really big price unless we can stop her.
Agent: Going to? You me she hasnít all ready? Then how do you know sheís even doing anything?
Conditioner: Well, our spies have informed us that sheís up to something, and as for the rest we guessed it. Villains in spy movies always have really big lasers and charge large ransoms.
Agent: I see. So my mission really is all fact based and no lousy guesses. Nice to know. Do you have a lead for me to follow?
Conditioner: Actually we do.
Conditioner: Isnít it? The lead is a girl who tipped us off in the first place. Hereís where youíll find her. (Hands agent paper)
Scene 2 (meanwhile)
Clown Girl sits across a desk from Dr. Cheapo. Dr. Cheapo is stroking a cat. A black cat, thatís fluffy, the kind of cat that evil villains have. Dr. Cheapo is holding paper and a pen.
Dr. Cheapo: So, you want to apply for the evil henchman job?
Clown: Yes. Can I?
Dr. Cheapo: All you have to do is answer some questions.
Clown: Goody. I love answering questions.
Dr. Cheapo: All right then. First question. What is your name?
Clown: Clown Girl
Dr. Cheapo: (writing after every answer) Age?
Dr. Cheapo: What is your favorite color?
Clown: Thatís a hard one. Iíve always been fond of red.
Dr. Cheapo: Have you done anything evil in your past?
Clown: Not really. Though I did steal this costume. And the brain of the clown that was wearing it.
Dr. Cheapo: (looking a bit confused) Okay. Whatís your favorite food?
Clown: Pie used to be my favorite food, but ever since I stole this costume Iíve had so much pie thrown in my face that I loath it. So Iíd have to say donuts.
Dr. Cheapo: What do you think of when you think of ducks?
Clown: Iím not sure. Iíd have to say cocoanuts and giraffes.
Dr. Cheapo: Just one last question. If something is annoying or scaring you, what would you do?
Clown: Another tough one! I used to run away screaming chocolate, after that I stared at a rock figuring that if I couldnít see it, it couldnít see me. Then I realized the power of mooing at things. Mooing makes scary things go away. So, did I pass?
Dr. Cheapo: Iíve got an assignment I need doing right now, so Iíll say yes now and kill you later.
Clown: Yippee! I passed! Thatís the first test Iíve ever passed in my whole life!
Dr. Cheapo: Now, you need to go meet an agent, give him this information (hands Clown Girl a note) and team up with him so that I can have a spy on him.
Clown: Yippee! Iíve got an assignment!
*Prances away as the picture fades*