Poetry for Stephen

29Nov01-06Dec01

Love and Hope
06Dec01

Babies
06Dec01

Walking with an Angel
05Dec01

I Cry for You
04Dec01

Strength from Love
03Dec01

My Heart is Full
03Dec01

We Talk
02Dec01

Anger
02Dec01

Someone called Stephen
02Dec01

Memories of life
01Dec01

Rememberance
01Dec01

Kids and Stephen
01Dec01

my life, my love
30Nov01

Pain and love
29Nov01

Hand in Hand
29Nov01

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Love and Hope

My thought are on my love today
And how I've been now you're away
"I love you" I still repeat
The words fly up, your soul to meet

I wondered when you went above
Did you take with you all our love
Your friend helped me then to cope
With his shared memories I found hope

For once again joy and love grew
My smile it graced my face anew
The happiness of souls entwined
Again was briefly to be mine

Because of this I now am sure
Whatever comes I will endure
With you beside me I can stand
We're still together hand in hand

It still hurts to know you're dead
With fear abd pain inside your head
But Feel our love and I find peace
A place I thought was beyond reach

I try to live in such a place
Each day I walk with your embrace
And feel you steady me with love
And guide my path from up above

Margot Hill
06Dec01

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Babies

I thought of them again today
The babies that have gone away
How it hurt you to your soul
How their absence left a hole

They never had a chance to be
You never had the choice to see
You loved them all so tenderly
And would have held them lovingly

I saw how it tore at your heart
Sometimes it took you all apart
The children you would never touch
I know that you missed them so much

Perhaps my love they're with you now
And you are at peace somehow
That they are not upon this earth
They were not here to have a birth

Margot Hill
06Dec01

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Walking with an Angel

My hand it reaches out to you
Although you're gone, I know it's true
A brief but reassuring touch
To feel your presence oh so much

It reaches out and touches air
Because you are no longer there
The only place you still reside
Is in my heart and soul inside

So I must learn to reach within
To find the peace from you again
My shining light, my guiding star
My deep abiding love you are

With your love I'll walk life's way
And hold you close each passing day
My guardian angel and my guide
You walk with God, I walk beside

Margot Hill
05Dec01

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I Cry for You

Last night I cried myself to sleep
Each moment that I pause I weep
I miss you so each passing day
There seems to be no other way

For what I miss is you my love
A blessing sent from up above
One who believed and cared so long
Who held me weak and made me strong

Who held me tight and set me free
A special soul you'll always be
Together we learned trust again
and conquered fear to love a friend

Two burning beacons in the night
Each of us saw the other's light
Our two souls became entwined
We could not find dividing lines

You left, departed from this earth
I choose to celebrate your worth
For our hearts are together still
And walk with me you always will

Margot Hill
04Dec01

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Strength From Love

I pause in my day at work
The tears they fill my eyes
Inside my head is ringing with
The echo of my cries

The cries to stop the thing you did
That made life living hell
And left my world so empty
It's like living in a shell

But I can not control your acts
Nor change the bitter past
The only thing that holds me up
Is that our love will last

For love this strong will last thru time
It reaches beyond death
I know that it will be with me
Until my parting breath

Margot Hill
03Dec01

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My heart is full

My heart is so full loving you
It grows each passing day
Though I struggle with your loss
It does not go away

Soemtimes I fight frustration
And anger that you're gone
For I must face the future
And do it all alone

But when I'm calm and quiet
My mind can meditate
The blessing that was loving you
Was a true gift of fate

I cherish ever moment
Sweet, bitter or mundane
Because I was allowed our love
I'll never be the same

I walk the path of life alone
But I still hold you near
Your love, my love, our love
Will banish any fear

Tears are now a part of me
Like laughter was before
Because I now must live without
The man that I adore

Margot Hill
03Dec01

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We talk

I've talked to you so much today
Out loud and in my head
if someone didn't know it
They would think that you're not dead

I think we would've talked for hours
I have so much to say
Mostly just how much I missed
The man who went away

Your special smile, your soothing voice
The love that we locked in
I want to reach out just one time
And touch that teasing grin

Our time together was too short
Our moments were too few
I wish I could have said the words
To stop what you would do

But there are never words enough
To quell such inner doubt
You have to find hope inside
To push those fears back out

So as you're watching over me
And guiding both my feet
Remember that it took your heart
To make my heart complete

Margot Hill
02Dec01

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Anger

Today I am a little mad
Because you went away
There are so very many things
That I would liike to say

I'd like to share some stuff I've done
And what I need to do
They are just a part of what
I'd like to share with you

So many ways that I've lost count
That I miss you about
Because you gave into to the dark
Of fear, despair and doubt

It's not that it's not there for me
The same soul eating voice
But I decide to refuse
To give in to it's choice

Despite the fact I love you so
I can not rest with you
Because there are too many things
That I have left to do

The most important is to love
All those that I have left
I don't think I could be the one
To leave them all bereft

So my anger comes today
Because alone I walk
I can not reach out for you
Or listen to you talk

Margot Hill
02Dec01

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Someone called Stephen

Stephen, you were so afraid
That you would lean too hard
That some where in the loving
You'd let down your final guard

You were always wondering
If you needed me too much
Would I get tired of loving you
And not long for your touch

Know that though you're body gone
Our love remains quite strong
Your presence stays so close to me
And helps me get along

Know that my trust, belief in you
It will not ever falter
The blessing that was loving you
It will not ever alter

We walked together side by side
Then went hand in hand
We spoke together heart to heart
We tried to understand

We understood so much about
Each others joys and tears
And we tried to empathize
Each others doubts and fears

My soul became entwined with yours
I asked for no release
So I will walk beside you
Till I meet the final peace

I must give thanks for every day
That it was ours to share
How blessed was I, that in my life
Someone called Stephen cared

Margot Hill
02Dec01

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Memories of life

Yesterdays are what I have
My memories of you
Some sweet and some are bitter
For life is that way too

The sweet one can bring such joy
And with it so much pain
Because you made your final choice
We won't have them again

The bitter ones bring questions
The kind that never end
What was it that so tore apart
My true and bestest friend

I know the biggest struggles
were constant fear and pain
You really couldn't see
How you'ld be free again

Such worries and so vulnerable
You could not shake the doubt
That possiblity when things got rough
There'd be no one about

Your words sometimes they haunt me
As words they tend to do
"You'll never understand the love
that I give to you"

I know that somehow in your mind
You thought it was the best
For everyone who loved you
If you chose the final rest

You thought that it would ease the pain
If you could just be gone
You didn't inderstand my love
That you just passed it along

For suicide does not bring ease
Or peace to troubled minds
It really just hands pain along
To those you left behind

Margot Hill
01Dec01

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Rememberance

I got some rings the other day
Rememberance of you
Your first and last initials
Just like you used to do

I do not need these extra things
To remember you each day
I think of you my waking hours
Since before you went away

They are my way to honor you
And all the memories
Of times that we spent together
I hold you close to me

I need, my love, to honor you
With poems, quilts and rings
It helps me to survive your choice
For me the hardest thing

My heart, my soul and body
They would lie down with you
My mind it must keep fighting
For I've other things to do

So I must remind my heart
Your love it did not die
Your presence is the only thing
That helps to get me by

Margot Hill
01Dec01

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Kids and Stephen

I wish you were here
I know you'd have fun
With kids in the house
You'd be the biggest one

You'd play with them so much
It would wear you out
But you'd smile while you're napping
There isn't a doubt

I'd watch you playing
I wouldnt join in
But the look on my face
Would be a big grin

Because watching you play
With kids big and small
Gave you such joy
You can't measure it all

Margot Hill
01Dec01

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my life, my love

Stephen, please tell me
What should I do?
How do I cope
With life without you?

The tears they keep falling
The pain is so vast
And I know that the missing you
Always will last

I walk through my life
In a bit of a haze
For I walk without you
till the end of my days

For you are the one
Who got all of my heart
And half of my soul
right from the start

I gave to you my truth
I gave to you my love
You gave yours to me
Then you went above

I will not give in
To the dark and despair
For your love and your presence
Always are there

They reach through my tears
Right through the strife
I know they will be there
The rest of my life

Margot Hill
30Nov01

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Pain and love

Walking slowly down the path
With pain I can not hide
Because I have to deal with
Losing you to suicide

How many moments do I have
I want to call your name
But you don't answer if I do
It just is not the same

How often is it that I wish
That I could turn back time
Just pick a day so special
And stay there all the time

How often do I gaze at you
The words form on my breath
I love you and I miss you
My words will reach past death

Our souls will speak together
As souls in love will do
Death has no way that it can stop
Love between me and you

So even though I feel the pain
Because your body's gone
You presence will remain with me
Our love goes on and on

Margot Hill
29Nov01

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Hand in Hand

I love you, I miss you, I'm screaming
You hear the words though you are dead
No one else hears the words that I'm saying
The screaming is all in my head

I scream about pain that you felt, love
When you made the choice life would end
I scream for the pain that I feel now
As I face life without you my friend

The grieving will go on forever
The missing you never will cease
Though sometimes it helps to remember
That now you at last are at peace

In peace I know that you watch over
Each day as I learn how to cope
With your heart and your spirit beside me
I know I will learn to find hope

My hopes for the future have changed though
Since the moment that you left this earth
I wish that you had been able to see
The value of your inner true worth

YOu knew that I truly loved you
And I know that you truly loved me
And I know that despite the distance
Hand in hand we always will be

Margot Hill
29Nov01

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