Poetry for Stephen

26Sept01-02Oct01

If you looked
02Oct01

Miss you most
02Oct01

Not Like This
02Oct01

My Heart is My Guide
01Oct01

Love lasts
30Sept01

Thankfully I had you
30Sept01

My Way is With You
30Sept01

Healing
30Sept01

How Love Grows
29Sept01

Blessings
29Sept01

Tears and Sadness
29Sept01

My heart
28Sept01

Walk with me
27Sept01

If you knew
27Sept01

You're gone
26Sept01

Return to Top of Page

If you looked

If you could have seen the future
Would it have changed the past
Would you final have believed-no doubts
Our love was meant to last

Would you know that with each other
We could face most any foe
On the inside or the outside
We'd be strong enough they'd go

Together you and I have done
The most amazing things
Mostly holding each other close
We gave each other wings

You looked and pointed out to me
How I had made things brighter
But struggled so much to believe
That you made things much lighter

If you could see the dark cloud I
Fight with every day
Would you have thought that maybe
You really ought to stay

Since you couldn't
see tomorrows
And predict my
future sorrows

I'm left alone
with just your soul
One half, that made
my half a whole

Margot Hill
02 Oct 01

Return to Top of Page

Miss you most

I miss you most in the morning
While the sun tries to find it's own way
To brighten a darken sky once again
Trying to start a new day

I miss you most in the daytime
When my work is surrounded by you
Where each tasks willl bring it's reminders
Fresh thoughts of what we used to do

I miss you most in the evening
Sharing stories with laughter and pain
Sharing struggles and triumphs from the day
Wanting to share them again

I miss you most in the nighttime
My memories sweetest from then
It's hard to believe with the love that we shared
Some how it would come to an end

I miss you most all the time dear
each memory bittersweet love
You lived in my days and lived in my nights
And now you have gone up above

Margot Hill
02Oct01

Return to Top of Page

Not like this

It wasn't supposed to be like this
You're not supposed to be gone
when I wake up in the morning
I should not be alone

Now I wake up and can't hear you
can't listen to the sound of your voice
can't start the day with your "Morning"
All because of your choice

You thought that it would be better
For everyone if you would go
I want you to know that it isn't
From the heart of some one who'd know

So Stephen remmeber I love you
Ecery day that goes by I still grieve
Cause the man who meant the most in my world
had to struggle too hard to believe

I know you body's at peace now
and your soul has a chance to rest
But no matter the reasons that went thru your head
Believe me it's not for the best

Cause it isn't supposed to be like this
You're not supposed to go away
You are supposed to be with me with laughter and tears
Rising to face a new day

Margot Hill
02 Oct 01

Return to Top of Page

My Heart is My Guide

Stephen I know you are listening
and yes I know how much you care
Whenever I needed a friend to count on
I always kneew you'd be there

Remember the nights we spent talking
and you shared with me stories and rhymes
Somehow I am learning to give them back
As I think of those happier times

And maybe your spirit is teaching me
To open up and express what's inside
With your strength and love in my heart and soul
The words have no where to hide

So they come out ready to guide me
Sparking me, or a soft push or two
Your words and mine join together
Bubbling up to help me share you

Margot Hill
1 Oct 01

Return to Top of Page

Love lasts

If I could e'er stop loving you
I'd left you long ago
Just walked away and left it
Before I let you know

But once the loving started
there never was an end
And so before I told you
I was a loving friend

Ny heart it never wavered
My soul was ever fast
The love that grew inside of me
It was designed to last

And when you heart was ready
your eyes were open wide
I opened up and gave you love
And welsomed you inside

We shared the love and laughter
we shared the joys and tears
the memories and heartaches too
We even shared our fears

I thought our love would conquer
All of the fears and doubt
But you thought I'd be better off
If you just wrote you out

but i cannot stop loving you
Although you're gone away
I know that in my heart and soul
My love is here to stay

Margot Hill
30 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page

Thankfully I had you

Stephen, yes, I know that you're dead
These thoughts are running in my head

Last thanksgiving
i had so much to be
thankful for

I never knew
what it was like
to be loved like this before

now as the fall is drawing near
your absence is so awfully clear

Your heart
believed and loved
with mine

I know that
everything
was fine

Then your birthday drawing near
It drew up some drew up some other fear

We had
so many
special days

We laughed
and loved
in many ways

but I could not combat the ghost
That seemed like it haunted most

I will
continue
to hold close

The man who
matters to me
the most

So even though I know you're gone
My love for you lives on and on

Margot Hill
30 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page

My Way is With You

I know you're dead
I know that means
We'll have no more
tomorrows

And yet my thoughts
All stray to you
And all our joys
And sorrows

i know that they
keep telling me
it isn't right
to do

But I can not
Control my heart
It's still in love
With you

I find that I
can do my best
In what I need
to be

If every day
in every way
I keep you close
to me

Margot Hill
30 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page

Healing

Learning to heal
from all the pain
Trying to learn
To be "normal" again

Finding my way
thru the grief I feel
Fightiing and struggling
It seems so unreal

Learning from others
who walk with me now
I'll go on, I know it
I'll figure out how

I will honor your memories
And remember thoughts too
And find ways to share them
What else can I do

I'm learning that healing
Does not mean pain free
And "normal" is something
I won't ever be

I will take the path gently
Walk at my own pace
Slowing down if I need to
This is not a race

Finding people to listen
And people who care
I'll talk of you often
It's healing to share

I know there are questions
whose answers have left
For you are the answer
To all those bereft

A guardian angel
To all those in pain
You reach back to help us
When we stumble again

So meeting the challenges
That now lie ahead
I can do it, you're with me
Even though you are dead

Margot Hill
30Sept01

Return to Top of Page

How Love Grows -
A story of Stephen and I

The day I feel in love with you
It seems so long ago
I never thought the day would come
When you would ever know

I saw how much I trusted you
and how you trusted too
I knew that it was something
That you never thought you'ld do

You talked to me quite honestly
About your faults and fears
And shared with me the many things
You've done through out the years

And I discovered as we talked
The more that we would say
The feelings that grew deep inside
Won't ever go away

Then one day you reached out for me
Cause you were feeling blue
And I reached back to your surprise
And shared my love with you

You were surprised, almost afraid
Of changes it would do
To alter the relationship
that was between us two

For trust, belief and honesty
As friends we always shared
But faced with our own fears, could we
Reach out for one who cared

It takes a lot to trust again
Through all of our past sorrow
And truely to believe some one
Will still be there tomorrow

But reaching thru our past and pain
We chose to love anew
We locked in it, believe in it
This love was me and you

So even thoough you left this life
And left me here to weep
I will forever hold you close
Our love is mine to keep

Margot Hill
29 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page

Blessings

The blessing that brought you to me
So we could share these years
Will always be held close to me
Through all the coming tears

The friendship and the leaughter,
The love we two have shared
Reminds me when I feeling low
How very much you cared

You cared about, believed in me
When I was so unsure
It makes me steadier and strong
For what I must endure

The pain, the grief, the tears that fall
the hurt that does not end
Can be eased only by you
you are my bestest friend

And so I asked your spirit
To remain with me awhile
A remind me every day
That I know how to smile

You stand right there behind me
And whisper in my ear
Sweet nothings, comforts and your jokes
All things I need to hear

And so I count my blessings
And when the counting through
Count on the fact that near or far
I'll always count on you

Margot Hill
29 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page

Tear and sadness

In the midst of my tears
I see your smile
In the depth of my pain
You'ld make me laugh a little while

You made me think
You made me dream
You graced my world
And now I scream

I scream for all
the dreams we lost
I scream for all
the cares you tossed

Cause you were hurting
So inside
You chose the path
Called suicide

Not focused on
The love we shared
but focused on
what made you scared

You walked away
From what we had
And now I am both
mad and sad

I'm mad because
you walked away
I'm sad because
you did not stay

I have to let
my anger go
I hate to see you
hurting so

Sadness does't
go away
But it will ease
with each new day

It will return
And it will go
Like the tidal
Ebb and flow

Until I see you
In the end
And Eternity
with you I spend.

Margot Hill
29 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page

My heart

My heart it hurts so much today
And I can tell you why
It really doesn't understand
The fact you said goodbye

My brain can think about it
and analyze it too
About how things should be
When I am without you

My body it still is alive
And seems to find a way
To help me take good care of it
For yet another day

My heart tho seems to be quite lost
And can not comprehend
That some one's life, so magical
Can now be at an end

My soul will have to take all three
My body, brain and heart
And reach beyond the grave for you
To help the healing start

The only way that I can know
The harmony and grace
Is to invite your presence
To be inside my space

Margot Hill
28Sept01

Return to Top of Page

Walk with me

Tears in my eyes
I miss you so
All I can say is
I don't want you to go

I wish there had been
Some other way
For you to answer
your questions that day

I cry there with you
and cry alone
Hard to believe
you are really gone

Your death it haunts
Your pain so deep
made you decide
On a final sleep

So many will miss you
So many will cry
I am there with them
Every day that goes by

I know in my heart
you no longer feel pain
And I know in my soul
We will dance again

So each day that passes
I walk this new trail
Knowing you're with me
I know I won't fail

So we'll go there together
Tho I'm here and you're there
Nothing is impossible
If you reach out and dare

Margot Hill
27Sept01

Return to Top of Page

If you knew

If you knew that I was crying
Would you come and hold my hand
Would you stay right here beside me
Till I'm sure that I can stand

If you knew that I was hurting
Would come and hold me close
Would you help to get thru it
when I needed you the most

Yes I know that you would hold me
Anytime I'm hurting so
And it's no surprise I'm hurting
Cause you pick this time to go

So just stay right here beside me
While I hurt and cry today
Just hold my hand and hold me close
Help me make it thru another day

Margot Hill
27Sept01

Return to Top of Page

You're gone

Today, I'm crying, missing you
I could not tell you why
Just thoughts and feelings -
Dreams of you are tearing me inside

To hold you in my arms today
To soothe away your pain
To talk once more of everything
To see you once again

In the bright sunrise to hear your voice
See you clearly in a moonlight night
If I could do those things right now
Everything would be all right

And so, I'll cry from missing you
I can not change the past
The loving and the heartache too
I know that both will last.

Margot Hill
26 Sept 01

Return to Top of Page