Memories of Stephen

30 Aug01

Looking back, may I be filled with gratitude;
Looking forward, may I be filled with hope;
Looking upward, may I be aware of strength;
Looking inward, may I find peace.
--unknown

Looking back I am filled with gratitude that I had four years of being a part of Stephen's life. Someone he respected, trusted, beieved in, and loved. I am filled with gratitude that when I lost Stephen I was able to find some of the sweetest people to help me thru the devastation.

Looking forward I am filled with hope for my son's future, hope for Stephen's children, hope that he lives long in the memories of those he found special.

Looking upward every day I gain strength for the day. Strength to do all that I need to.

Looking inward I can only find small amounts of peace but nutured by Stephen's love & other friendships I know I that it will grow.

01Sept01

I will find a reason to ceebrate today.
I will find a moment to reflect on my
abilities and talents and use them to
better the world.

This morning I woke up thinking about Stephen and felt wrapped in the arms of his love for me. Today I will celebrate our love by working on "our" quilt, remembering the joy he brought into my life everyday and how it allowed and encouraged me to grow and get stronger. Remembering the playfulness and passion that we shared. I miss his arms around me so much but I know his spirit still surrounds me, enveloping me in the warmth of his soul. I will remember one of my talents and abilities is unconditional love, accepting my loved ones as is, and remembering it was this love that helped Stephen fight his demons off for as long as he did. How often did he tell me I gave him back hope and faith in others. He felt that I was a shining, steady star in his world, a navigating star.

Thanks for sharing my memories

04Sept01

Every morning(except weekends) since November 2000 until he died in Juky 2001 I would call Stephen at five in the morning. We said it was to make sure he was awake but he almost always was. We would just say good morning and talk for about a minute or two. For me it was just a way to touch him every day - it gave me joy and strength to start my day because I knew he was right there beside me. Sometimes he would be grumpy ( he didn't like having to wake up early for his drive into work), Sometimes he would be sweet and try to look after me, Sometimes he would loving, and sometimes he would just be silly. But every morning he was Stephen and his voice and presence brought me happiness.

13Sept01

Footprints on the Heart:

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing
whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more
beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts
And we are never, ever the same

Stephen gave my soul dance again when I believed it would only plod along. He made the sky, trees, grass, yes even the snow this last frigid Iowa winter more beautiful because I shared it with him. He stayed in my life just a little while, left footprints in my heart and I will never, ever be the same AND I don't want to be...I don't want to go back to before Stephen. I want to hold his love close to me everyday and celebrate and honor our time together. It was too short but it was so special it deserves to be honored.

18 Sept 01

In the twilight and nighttime of today, I think of the day and think of you. I think of the friends you had, friends who cared. How much I know they miss you. Some say it out loud and some say it softly. Some say it with words and others with actions. Twice in a few days I have had the inclination to gather your friends to me and soothe their hurt. Oh I know that I can't, nothing save having you back would ease the pain in their hearts. But I wish I could soothe the troubled thoughts away. You loved and were loved and you knew it but the pain and expected pain were to great to stand. Remember always that I love you always.

OTHER PAGES: | Memorial Quilt: The quilt, Colors and design, Blocks in Progress, More Blocks in Progress | Memories: Intro, Musings2 , Musings3 , Musings2 | Music: Intro, Stephen's Favs | Songs We've Shared | Musical Reminders |Photos , Big Basin Photos '98| Prayers | Quotes--Inspirational | Recipes | Resources: Support Resources, Inspirational Resources Other Online Memorials | Valentine for Stephen|

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Margot Hill / mmhill@adiis.net

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