Supporters of Survivors
**It's an honor to listen to the truth of someone's life.*
**When you tell someone and they listen with respect and caring, your life changes dramatically.*
**Being a close supporter of a survivor healing from child sexual abuse can be a tremendous challenge. Taking part in a deep healing process can lead to real growth and closeness. But you may also feel confused, scared, resentful, conflicted, isolated, or overwhelmed... You may not know what to say, what to feel, or how to act. These are natural responses to a difficult situation.
This is a time when it's important to take care of yourself. Honor your own needs. If the survivor wants you to give more than you're able to give, admit your limits....Encourage her to reach out to others. Take breaks....Get help for yourself. Dealing with such raw pain is difficult. You need a place you can go to talk about your own fears, doubts, and frustrations....
**Incest is a violation of the child victim's physical bounderies, in later life, the survivor is often sensitive to any crossing of the invisible wall with which we surround ourselves.
**
NEVER touch a survivor without her permission,
NEVER come up from behind to suprise her.
NEVER impede her movement. If you do one of these things and get an unfavorable reaction,
NEVER critize her for her reaction or tell her to lighten up.
HOW TO HELP
When a survivor tells you she was sexually abused, she is entrusting you with a part of her life that is painful, frightening, and vulnerable. These guidelines can help you honor that trust and help her healing:
BELIEVE THE SURVIVOR. Even if her memories are unclear or too terrible to believe, believe her.
JOIN WITH THE SURVIVOR IN VALIDATING THE DAMAGE. All abuse is harmful. Even if it's not violent physical, or repeated, all abuse has serious consequences.
BE CLEAR THAT ABUSE IS NEVER THE CHILD'S FAULT.Children ask for attention and affection. They do not ask for sexual abuse. Even if a child responds sexually, wasn't forced, or didn't protest, it is still never the child's fault. It is always the responsibility of the adult not to be sexual with a child.
EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE AND THE HEALING PROCESS.
DON'T SYMPATHIZE WITH THE ABUSER.The survivor needs your total loyalty.
VALIDATE THE SURVIVOR'S FEELINGS OF ANGER, PAIN AND FEAR.These are natural, healthy responses to abuse. She needs to feel them, express them and be heard.
EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGSIf you have feelings of outrage, sympathy or pain, share them. Just make sure they don't overshadow the survivor's feelings.
RESPECT THE TIME AND SPACE IT TAKES TO HEAL.Healing is a slow process with lots of ups and downs. It can't be hurried.
ENCOURAGE THE SURVIVOR TO GET HELP.You can't be her only supporter.
GET HELP IF THE SURVIVOR IS SUICIDAL.Don't hesitate or try to deal with it alone. Get professional help. If you don't know who else to call, ask the operator for the number for suicide prevention.
ACCEPT THAT THERE WILL PROBABLY BE CHANGES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS THE SURVIVOR HEALS.
RESIST SEEING THE SURVIVOR AS A VICTIM.Continue to see her as a strong, courageous
Above information is quoted from and © to Laura Davis/Ellen Bass
The Courage to Heal : A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse © by Laura Davis & Ellen Bass. I have personally found this to be an excellent book....and very helpful for me as a survivor....and also as someone who is supporting others who are also survivors.....
Allies in Healing : When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As a Child, a Support Book © by Laura Davis. This book is excellent for the supporters of those who have been abused....An excellent read..
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Authors retain all © to their matierial that has been quoted
Webset: "Broken Dreams"-- used with permission and is © to
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