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February 27, 2004

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The Adventures of Paisley Blue

Our home life situation remains unbalanced, chaotic and unpredictable. We have had to hold multiple office meetings and now a large family meeting, in an effort to identify problems of all sizes and correct the ones that we can while we still can. Sometimes I feel like running and screaming from the frustrations, but I don't run from my problems anymore.. Sometimes I feel like falling to my knees in thanks because of the simple, profound blessings that touch my heart at the most unexpected times.

I try to remember each day that these experiences, both good and bad, are going to result in some incredible growth some day, or at the very least, several stories that will be entertaining to others and possibly be several chapters of the world's greatest novel.

Can't you just hear it? "No way, Aunt Paisley. You just couldn't have seven people sleeping in that small of a place! It'd be wall-to-wall people!" Yep... it's true. However, it has gone on too long and we are trying to help others get established so we can regain what we formerly had.

Even before the departure of Wisdom and Magickstar, though, two more men had taken up crash space on our floors. Herne, the older and probably more dominant partner in a relationship with Eddy. Herne is the master of the mistress and Eddy, who is 10 years younger, displays the relationship dynamics found in folks of such an age. Both are immensely likeable and charming but as I get to know Herne more and more, I am drawn to him like a moth to flames.

I can almost hear Wisdom chuckling over that all the way from California to Seattle.

One of the unexpected benefits of getting to know Herne better is that I have gained insight into the complexities of the relationship between him and Mechanic. For a much longer period of time, I've had the benefit of hearing Mechanic's side of the story, so to speak. Now for the first time, I am hearing Herne's side and now I'm starting to see the reality that, as usual, lies somewhere in the middle.

The biggest thing to figure out now is how to facilitate real communication between the two of them. I have what I believe to be a very basic understanding of how things got the way they did, and I can point to some examples of apparently complete breakdowns of communication. One of the guys would say one thing, meaning another, the other would hear something entirely different, and before you know it, they think they are on the same wavelength with each other and they are actually miles and miles apart.

How do you tell someone that? How do you begin to explain what you don't even really understand? And yet, if I look at this from a big picture point of view, so many things fall into place. From a global perspective, I could see miscommunication like this even leading to world wars. Is this what happened?

I have a very strong rule about not interfering with other peoples' relationships. I call it my Prime Directive, because on Star Trek, the Prime Directive, prevented them from interfering or introducing themselves to worlds before they had acquired space travel.

For example, no matter how much I adore Cherry, if he and Mechanic were to have major relationsihp problems, I am not going to recommend that either of them stay if they want to go, or whatever. I will be a listener and a friend but I won't interfere. Hmm, but I will always recommend further communication, compromise and understanding. I'm just not going to flat-out tell someone what to do. That's not me.

In some ways it seems that the stakes in life just seem to be getting bigger and bigger. Correct communication between Herne and Mechanic is essential right now. However, I don't even know what to say, if I were of a mind to say anything. It's definitely one of those times where I say to myself "hands off" and let them work things out for themselves. The only problem with that solution, is that their miscommunication and any potential fallout will directly and majorly impact my life. I do have a stake in this.

Just realizing that I have a stake in this, though, does not change the fact that I don't know what to do.

Michael has been dealing with life's complexities right alongside us, and I have been very glad for his company. I try to remember and say at least once each day how much I appreciate him. I also tell him I love him, because I do, in a way I can't explain to myself much less anyone else. Defining it is not what's important. I'm just glad he's here and that's all I can say about that. We understand each other. That's what counts.

Cherry continues to grow and fascinate and entertain, and now he has found an interest in web site design. He does not know how to use a computer, but somehow he seems to understand the intricacies and problems involved with site design and optimization. He's a genius - I can't wait to see what he does with his life.

Wisdom and I are managing to talk on the phone about every other day or so. I keep trying to pull up the memories of him being here, and its getting harder and harder. I don't have many photos of him... he was the one taking most of the pictures. I can remember the sound of his laugh and I can remember some of the things he said to me... but then I think maybe its easier to remember the sounds because we still talk on the phone. He's getting geared up for his project while I try and figure out my own life.

In the meantime, my old employer is challenging the decision about me receiving unemployment benefits. It figures. They promised they wouldn't do that, and here they are doing it.

The family timebomb is ticking... it is really loud... and scary... will we find a way to make ends meet? Can this many people share one roof and not explode? Tune in next time...

~Paisley Blue

She still looks out defiantly past her oppressors.
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