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January 9, 2003

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The Adventures of Paisley Blue

This is the week o' doctor stuff. I had an appointment earlier this afternoon at the podiatrist. My feet were hurting from these little sores, and last time I had one she removed it and there was glass inside. I did not know what the heck to expect - I just know that it was getting to the point where I was praying to have my old cane, where I almost envied those in wheelchairs, and I would opt to stay at home or stay seated if I did go out because it hurt too darn much to walk.

That's no way to live a life. I have plans! I want to go and do!

Okay, so here I was last night searching for apartments for rent. There were so many that would have been nice to look at, but they had two little nasty letters -- "NS" -- which means No Smoking. Argh. There are just a few things we really want, and that includes parking spaces, washer and dryer, and a fireplace would be really, cool. But if they are going to put NS in the ad, we're not even going to call.

Who needs 'em anyway? It's a renter's market right now. Hmmph!

*giggle* I am in a silly mood. I just worked on the company's intranet. I needed to remove the holiday pics and font colors and such from my team's pages. I decided to change it out to a winter theme. It looks very cool, icy, and refreshing to me now. I hope the others like it. I also uploaded the photos that were taken on New Year's Eve.

Our team has a tradition that anyone who's unlucky enough to be in the office on New Year's Eve wears their pajamas. It's a pj party! This year we even had cold cereal... Cap'n Crunch and Lucky Charms.
Paisley's fuzzy slippers

Okay, so there's the fuzzy slippers and just a peek at the floor-length muumuu nightgown that I wore. I just had to be in the spirit of things, you see. Fortunately for me, I was behind the camera lens most of the time. However, the webmaster said if I took a picture of her she got to take a picture of me, and fair is fair, I suppose.

I had a tarot reading today that just about knocked me off my socks. I knew it was going to be good while the cards were shuffling, though. I felt the energy swirling all around me. As the cards turned up, I was excited to find out how they related to one another... but the messages I received were mind-blowing. Not only did it accurately talk about the past year, but it hit the button on some stuff going on right now and gave me an idea of some choices I am going to be facing.

One of the highlights that really made me sit up and say WoW was that it told me that the stress and hard work of the last few months have paid off by achieving what I set out to achieve, but that there was a high physical price to pay for it. Well, in my mind, immediately I thought to myself that this is the diabetes, this is getting onto insulin.

Another point is where it said that I had been spending a lot of energy in helping others but that I needed to step back and take a look at whether I was really helping. Sometimes it's kinder to not help as much, which sort of makes someone become more self-sufficient. But also I need to find balance in my life between sacrifice for others and taking care of myself.

Well I will be the first one to admit that the entirety of last year was spent in taking care of other people, in one way or another. It just seemed like yet another coincidental reminder that this year I need to spend some time thinking about myself...

Another cool part was talking about acknowledging the creative and intuitive gifts that I have, and I was advised to find out the market value of my gifts. I was told I could make a name and some cash for these talents that I am just using for my own amusement right now. If I can show enough ambition to present these gifts in a professional manner, I will advance. Woohoo. Sounds good to me.

The real icing on the cake was this one, though. My advice for dealing with present day and near future events was this: Don't be tempted to run away again -- this is where you belong. Your entire journey was designed to bring you back to this point where everything looks familiar, but it is up to you to examine it with fresh eyes and an open heart.

Don't be tempted to run away... wow... It's not that I am really wanting to leave my life, but doesn't everyone now and then want to go and start over somewhere, start somewhere new and fresh? I know Mechanic and I have talked about it. However, I have done it just a few too many times and I have learned that it doesn't really work that way. Running away and starting over only puts you behind that much more than where you were when you left...

It may not work for everybody that way, but it certainly has for me. I am a real hard-head, too. It takes me a few times to get the point, at least in some life lessons. I don't need to go through that one again.

I don't know... that tarot reading made me feel really good and hopeful and full of energy and excitement for the road ahead of me. I so much want to draw and write. I think I'll get to this year, too. I need to do these things for myself. Hopefully others will get some measure of enjoyment or pleasure from them, as well. It's just that the primary purpose is for me. It feels pretty good to say that, to think it, to admit that I'm doing something... for me.

~Paisley Blue

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