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January 1, 2003

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The Adventures of Paisley Blue

Happy New Year!

Here's hoping that this year will be better than last! LOL

I had a lunch date yesterday with a man I had chatted with online. He did not have a picture to send me so I did not really know what to expect. He said he was 5'2" with black hair, and he is from Hawaii so I expected someone with darker pigment than I have.

So far so good... when we set the actual time to meet I asked how I would recognize him. He said he would have a cast on one arm. Sure enough I arrived at the appointed time and the waiter knew exactly where a single man in an arm cast was sitting. We greeted one another and then I realized that he was shorter than I am.

Not a big deal, but at 5'0" I'm just not usually taller than anyone else in the room.

So we start talking and things are going okay. Then, we talk about his marriage. Oh, yeah. So he is telling me that he knows that she cheats on him while he is in the field or on maneuvers, so he feels justified in doing the same. I filed this away in my mind to think about later, when I was alone and my hormones calmed down a little bit.

Okay, yes... this guy got my motor running. He is a little older than I am, by about four years. Still, he is looking good. He had a warm caramel complexion and a big smile that he flashed often. Apparently he used to work out a lot, so even though it has been a while he still has a great shape. We enjoyed our meal at one of my favorite Capital Hill restaurants, then we decided to drive to Volunteer Park.

His idea was to sit and talk and, I am sure, to see how far he could get in his tinted-window truck. We did not find anything private enough so he drove onto the cemetary. It's just up the hill from the park. This is where Bruce Lee is buried. Well, this time we were more successful... and he was kissing me... and making me feel like a woman.

So... we briefly engaged in some 'getting-to-know-you' types of behavior and left the cemetary before we were discovered. It reminded me of being in high school, doing something you knew you shouldn't be doing and it was all the more thrilling because of the danger of getting caught.

We set a date for Saturday. However, I have had a little quiet time to think... and I do not feel good about the fact that he is married and just plain old cheating on her. If they had an open marriage or at least an understanding, it would be different. It's just that the way things are, I can't feel good about it.

Hmm... perhaps that should be my New Year's Resolution: If I don't feel good about it, I don't do it.

Of course, last night was the New Year's Eve Karaoke Show at Hana's, hosted by none other than Mechanic. He was dressed up in shirt and tie, looking sharp. At first there were less than a half-dozen customers but as we got going, more and more people showed up. Throughout the evening there were drawings for different prizes and gift certificates.

I actually won a gift certificate for $20 at Hana's Teriyaki for food. Rockin! Mama won a $20 gift certificate to Godiva's Chocolates AND later in the evening he won a personal CD player. He ended up giving the Godiva's certificate to Opera for her and I to split.

What I really wanted was the DVD player, which was not given out until long after midnight. I would have really liked it, but it's okay.

Probably the biggest news of the day has got to be the fact that an old man was basically falling in love with me. This man, Bert, has white hair and wrinkles, carried a backpack like many homeless do, wore faded ripped blue jeans, and basically appeared scary-greasemouse-weird. I let him buy me cocktails while we talked throughout the evening. Sometimes he would get moving way too fast and I'd just have to say something and he'd back off. I really liked that. Michael came by and mouthed the words "What are you doing?" to me. He seemed really confused why I was talking with this guy.

Just before midnight all the patrons went outside to view the fireworks at the Space Needle. The bartender stood at the door making sure no one carried out any alcohol. The old man had his arms around me, which was alright because it was very freezing cold outside. He wanted to make me linger in the parking lot when others went in, but I paraded straight inside the door because I was cold.

Sometime after that this man confessed something to me that he's been holding in for awhile. He just wanted to tell me upfront and to my face that he was a convicted murderer.

He had a good story... while he was in Vietnam, his best friend was supposed to be watching over his 'wife' but instead, he was beating, raping, and sodomizing her. When this guy returned from 'Nam, his wife killed herself because she could not live with the shame. So... he beat his best friend to death, served his time, and now he's out again.

That kinda freaked me out. I went to Michael and told him that he had called the situation right, and now I didn't know what to say to stop the advances of this man. Michael gave me some wonderful advice on what to say, which I then did. The old man was respectful to what I said but also let me know that he still intended to try and change my mind because he really wanted to have a relationship with me.

For several hours last night this man looked into my eyes, telling me that I ws beautiful, that my smile lit up a room, that my eyes were sparkling, etc. What girl wouldn't love that? And the whole time, while thanking him for the compliments and the cocktails, I was skeptical, wondering what this man hoped to gain by saying all this. I started to wonder whether my experiences had left me so cynical that I would never be able to form a relationship with a man ever again.

Then, he confessed to his conviction and I said to myself, "Girl, you don't wanna start a relationship with a man who has already served time for murder." I have enough chaos in my life...

So I have to be proud of myself for that one. I just said no.

And all this happened just after I wrote that I wasn't in a hurry to get into a romantic relationship. *chuckle* Well, these experiences just reinforced it.

I wasn't going to make any New Year's Resolutions this year. I'm already trying hard to improve myself in so many ways. I feel good about the progress I made this year. I don't go about tooting my horn about it or bragging about it or anything, but I am tickled pink beyond description that I have two college courses under my belt. Me - college! Wow!

I can't believe that in just four months I will have been at my job for two years. It doesn't feel like the torturous hell that two years was at Blue Cross/Blue Shield. That's the only other job I ever held that long. I have a job that I love and where I grow, where I'm challenged, where I'm valued, respected, and loved. Wow!

I can't believe that I'm taking insulin for my diabetes, but in some ways its the best thing that ever happened to me. Why would I say that? Because it helps me remember to take my meds much more regularly than I was doing before. And because now that my blood sugar is starting to be under control on a more regular and routine basis, I am feeling better and have more energy. In the long run this will hopefully mean a postponement of the degenerative damage that this disease causes tissues and organs. I am taking a very positive proactive step in making myself healthier. Plus, the nurse who follows me every week on my progress says I am one of her best patients. People tell me how brave I am for giving myself shots, and you know, sometimes it DOES hurt... so I guess in one small way, I AM brave. Wow!

Okay - I am ready to tackle the new year. Here I come, ready or not!

~Paisley Blue

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