Paisley's Journal
November 7, 2001


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The Adventures of Paisley Blue

I have not had an opportunity to write for too long. Today I am just feeling a huge need to write... but now that I'm here I don't know where to begin. I have not been well physically, although it could be worse. I have felt lonely, although that could be worse, too. I almost feel guilty saying that I have felt lonely, because I do get out and go to work, and I do get to see Michael... although I spent maybe 5 minutes with him in the last two days.

Part of it has to be hormonal, though. I started my moon time today, which I should really find a different name for it because it is certainly not a monthly occurrence! But anyway... I have been craving chocolate like crazy, and of course, I give in to the craving. Who wouldn't? I feel these torrential floods of hormonal energy coursing through my veins, and my mind tells me that chocolate will tame the wild beast. LOL

I have finally taken an interest in getting my home organized and cleaned up. It was not until I had regained the interest in it that I realized I had felt no interest whatsoever in it for the last several months. Twinkle told me that it is not an unusual reaction. After all, look at all I've gone through in the last year. If I were depressed, who could blame me?

The nice thing is that I must be climbing out of said depression. Being in this relationship with Michael is very nice. Finding joy in my life is very nice. Knowing that I am doing a good job and that my employer values my presence is very nice. There are a few more things I'd love to add to that list, but then again, it could be worse, eh? I'm not doing too bad.

Sometimes I wish I could see more clearly into the future. I'm so tired of hurting, and if I could just avoid making anymore really big mistakes for, say, the next 10 or 15 years, that would be awesome. Still, like the Garth Brooks song goes, I wouldn't want to miss The Dance.

~Paisley Blue




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