¤Lady§un§hine¤ : I would like to welcome a lady who is here quite often. She has been a real help around here getting involved where ever she can be of service. So she knows the meaning of how important service is to her recovery. Please all welcome carolyn aka prettyangel445.
Hi Im Carolyn H. and I'm an alcoholic addict.
Welcome all and thank you for being here while I share my story. I will start in the year 1960 at age 13, this was the beginning of my drinking. My abuse of my parents was what put me there. I started out drinking my parents wine I snuck it when ever I got a chance to and then I would add water to the bottle so it looked like it was all there.
I had a lot of hatred towards my parents drinking was what kept me from the pain. Then i would also add aspirin to coke to get a high, after that I would take my fathers pain pills open them up empty powder in a glass of milk and drink it. Then i would put the capsul back together and put back in the bottle.
For two years I was always high had nothing but a numb feeling. At the age of thirteen i also had a baby it was my dads. To this day I have no idea where he is hopefully in a safe home. I still cry over that that is when the heavy drinking began. Everywhere I went I would sneak booze at all my parents friends homes. I really like the feeling of being high.
Then at age fifteen things changed not for the better. I still drank I met this guy and became pregnant we were married and I gave birth at age 16. My son was born an alkie just like his mom. He cried for days on end but I still kept drinking. How I ever took care of him I'll never know. We were married 13 years and that marriage ended.
I was on my own and working at the hotel. I would drink all night every night and work the next day with a hangover. One day my boss came to me and said"Carolyn,look in the mirror sweetie,you need help, call AA." and i did went to my first meeting and didnt like it. I said this is bull i am not an alcoholic no way not me. Then I hit bottom big time a friend of mine was with me in the car going to a dance when suddenly I blacked out car flipped over and over ejecting my friend from car and killing him. That was my calling I guess I was one who got sober the hard way.
After that it was dry drunk I would live on perscription drugs pain killers. Lies lies lies to doctors to get them. Then I had a drink. Back at it again I ended up in a mental institution for 90 days. The time had not only dried me out it sobered me up. Several times after that i had relapses. I was so affraid that I started all over again.
Then one day I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I took an overdose was in a coma for three days. I still didnt learn the longer time passed nothing seemed to change. So I took a plane to California and was on the streets for a long time drinking and smoking marajuna. Well one day I woke up in a hospital a man standing next to my bed. Hello there he said you don't know me, but I found you all beat up and out cold so I picked you up and brought you here. That same day a minister came in he said young lady you need to get a life and if you let God in your life you will have it. You know for the first time I felt different wow a stranger picks me up and a minister is telling me to get a life.
Ok I said to the minister but will you help me he said only my dear if you really want help. I said yes I really want it so I went back to aa and got off the booze. I began to feel so good so I said I don't need AA any more and I stopped. No meeting nothing then I met doug, my husband. I met him in a bar but I didnt drink.
I used lived on valium got pregnant for my daughter and still used but I was very protective of her. I wouldnt let her breathe I was always watching her never letting her out of my sight. Never spanked her we had a wonderful 20 years together. 9 months ago I stopped drugs went to counseling once a week. I still am then my mom passed away and daughter moved out a week later.
Well I picked up my first drink that was a mistake and I knew it. The next day I picked up another one and looked at it dumped it. Called my sponsor and she came right over got my butt to meetings twice a day. I was still greiving so I didnt want to drink and said I heard about msn chatrooms to myself. I said it so I turned the computer on and found this room. To this day I know it was my higher power leading me here.
The first week here I was amazed it was just like my home group so many friendly loving caring people. After two weeks this room was my feel safe room. I love it here I am so grateful to have my sobriety. I know my past was ugly but thats the past for me I have to put it behind me. I will not close the door on it for it is a reminder of what it could be like. If I went back I have had many wonderful people who were willing to help me. Take me in their home give me a big book and show me the way.
Something I will never forget is I was told to go to page 112 of the big book and read the first three words and I did it said"read this book." I read it all the time and it sits right here next to the computer every day. It is my bible. I do believe in HP I am greatful for AA and all my aa freinds. I am grateful for how far I have come and what I have become and I will always try to help others, just like they helped me. So to all of you I say this you want what I have go for it it's there for the taking and you will never regret it. Thanks, all love you.
Carolyn done |
